I was raised in a family where this question was rarely asked. There was a guiding principle of conformity and an expectation to fit in with what those in charge wanted.

Denying our feelings becomes a part of being a child of a narcissistic parent or partner.

I grew up putting aside how I honestly felt, and instead, attuned to the needs of others. I became very good at sensing the emotions of others, and how to please them. I did it with my parents and then with my first husband.

I found myself in a career that my father would be proud of, that left me feeling empty and confused.

Along the way I lost touch with how I felt.

This was not the road to happiness, but I told myself that lifestyle was the most important thing.

It took me over 40 years to wake up to what happiness is, and to let myself feel the feelings that had been suppressed for so long.

For those of you in your twenties and thirties who can relate to this, please don’t waste the next twenty years of your lives.

I believe that we all deserve to honor our feelings… the good, the bad and the ugly. To honor them and then take responsibility for them. Even if it is goes against the grain or what others expect.

Those feelings are trying to tell you that something needs attention and understanding.

We all need to be true to ourselves, to honor how we feel, and own our feelings.

This is being real and authentic in the world.Β Only from here, can we take the right step forward and find happiness.



About Val Boyko

Val Boyko is originally from Scotland and came to the United States over 25 years ago. At "Find Your Middle Ground" Val brings together her experience as a life coach, yoga teacher and mentor, to inspire awakening to the light and inspiration within us all. This blog is a place of exploration and discovery as we all explore finding harmony and peace, in the highs and lows of life πŸ’›

40 comments on “How Do you Feel About This?

  1. I am saddened you were not raised in an open and sharing environment. I hope you felt loved despite the conformity. . . It is such a powerful and caring message that you are sharing here, Val! I am on Instagram (robincochran55) and FB as Robin O. Cochran (Delaware, Ohio). . . Hope you may stop by sometime!
    Merry Christmas and the very best wishes for you to enjoy 2019! ❀ πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Robin for your caring presence. I have support and wonderful people around me these days. On Word Press too πŸ’• Thank you πŸ™

      Liked by 1 person

      • Good and I assumed you were far beyond those days. . . You show positivity in each post and the blog name also confirms this, Val. WordPress became overwhelming in some ways for me. It was taking some of my time I needed to share with my grandchildren and especially the one who has been dealing with cancer. Take care and happy 2019. πŸŒŸπŸŒ²πŸ•ŠοΈ

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You are not alone. It may have been the generation or maybe it still goes on today. The really great news is that you did find your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t ever remember being asked this. And now I want to ask my children if I allowed them to their feelings. I hope I did not make them stuff all the wonder they surely felt.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Life is a messy business at times . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  5. All that you experienced has made you the wise and wonderful woman that you are today, Val and sharing your wisdom with so many. ❀

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I broke free whenever I could and tried to follow my heart.
    Such people are still thriving, thinking they are always right, imposing their own choices and wishes on others, even their children.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. O boy do I resonate… you’re not alone in this. I had my share of abuse and I now am listening to my inner voice and it’s not selfish, it’s self-full indeed. Thanks for sharing. Much love ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  8. As honest as always, Val. I’m sure I’m not the only one who can relate to this – slightly different reasons perhaps – I grew up with ‘big boys don’t cry’

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Right there with you, dear Val. So beautifully written. I felt as if I was reading a synopsis of my story. My road to my feelings was long and painful along the way…and I do not feel I wasted any time. Rather, I learned that this experience is a part of my path in this lifetime. Nothing wasted, so much learned and healed. I wish you many blessing dear Val and I’m deeply grateful for your openness here. May the holidays bring deeper inner peace. πŸ’•πŸ™πŸ»

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you dear Carrie. Th more I share about m y own experience the more I know I am not alone. We are hear to support others on their journey, as we heal ourselves and evolve on our path πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

  10. You know all too well there are too many suffering from the same sort of past as you Val. Talking about it helps those dear people.
    Bless your heart!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I can relate to this as well, Val. But luckily I rebelled quite early in life to find myself and my own path. Still much learned through trial and error, of course. Happy Holidays πŸ’

    Liked by 1 person

  12. We seem to share a common history, Val. After decades of counseling people as a Medical Intuitive, I can tell you it’s far more common than I previously believed. There was some solace in knowing this, but also a morose feeling of tragedy for the suffering of others which lingered for many years.

    Yesterday I spent time with the second young person I have recently had the pleasure to get to know this way – side by side, working the earth. And these kids are so much more in tune than I ever was. And I believe they have to be, given the direction humanity seems to be headed. I do have hope that humans, for all their frailty and faults, might yet hold the seeds of redemption. And what I’ve come to is that it’s back to basics, being mindful of the self, then observing as we begin to attract different people and circumstances into our glorious world.

    Enjoy your holidays, and all best wishes in 2019! Keep up the good work! Aloha ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words Bela. πŸ’• I believe in the next generation as well. The person I had in mind while writing this post, has spoken his truth and expressed himself, going against familial pressure, and coming from his heart. He is growing into a wonderful man. πŸ’
      Aloha x

      Liked by 1 person

  13. The voice of experience is valuable and helpful, even for those who don’t seem to listening at first.
    Thanks for sharing your experiences.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. It is always good fortune if we are lucky to have a long life, and find the tools and teachers to help us find our way. Thanks always, Val, for sharing your wisdom.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. happy that child is happily
    in touch with her feelings!
    got me feeling something
    inside, also, Val πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Amen! Beautiful advice for anyone at any age. It’s time for self compassion. It’s time to honor our feeling as always valid and in so doing making room for every person in our lives to live honestly and fully.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I have loads of identification around this topic. For 40 years I was a people pleaser surpressing my feelings through addiction and becoming obsessed about if people liked me or not. Meditation and recovery has helped me to own my feelings, be kind to myself and not be involved in relationships or events that will harm me emotionally. Great article. Happy Christmas and New Year to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m betting this one resonates farther and wider than would show here. At 70, with 2 marriages behind me, I worked harder to give my children a stronger voice. My sister did the rebelling. It took me so much longer than you to even begin to get a glimmer of who I am. But it’s never too late. Good post for stirring up conversation. Happy New Year, Val.


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