When life unravels
Find your Middle Ground.
The yarn of your life
Will be repaired and retold.
I hope you enjoy this inspiring re-post today.
The 4 A’s for fulfillment are some basic needs that we all have as human beings. I like to think of them as essential elements for the wellspring of life.
~ Attention ~
~ Appreciation ~
~ Affection ~
~ Acceptance ~
Take a moment to reflect on how you feel when someone offers you these things:
When someone pays attention to you, listens and is truly present with you…
When you feel appreciated for who you are, and someone thanks you…
When you are given affection and feel loved…
When you are accepted for just the way you are, despite not being perfect…
I know of a parent who intentionally punished their child by withdrawing her attention and ignoring her. She stone walled and turned her back in order to show her displeasure if the child didn’t do as she was told.
Can you imagine how this child felt, being rejected like this? Its no surprise that as an adult, her life became totally absorbed with filling the void within her. She craved attention and desperately needed to be appreciated. She was hungry for signs of affection, and yearned to be accepted by others.
Knowing the 4 A’s for fulfillment can help us understand our own motivations and support our healing from times in the past when these essential needs were not met. When we were small, we didn’t have the ability or insight to know what was happening, but we deeply felt the consequences.
Now it can be a gift to ourselves, to become more kind and compassionate to the small wounded child within us.
It can also be a powerful gift for us to give to others. It builds relationships and connection. It makes people feel good about themselves.
Notice if you find this difficult, neutral or easy.
If it’s difficult for you to give to others, then it might reflect your own need to give more to yourself. Fill your own wellspring so you can share with others.
This wisdom from Adyashanti gave me pause for thought today.
Adyashanti on Enlightenment and Inner Division
“Most human beings spend their lives battling with opposing inner forces: what they think they should do versus what they are doing; how they feel about themselves versus how they are; whether they think they’re right and worthy or wrong and unworthy.
The separate self is just the conglomeration of these opposing forces. When the self drops away, inner division drops away with it.
Now, I can’t say that I never make a mistake, because in this human world being enlightened doesn’t mean we become experts at everything. What does happen, though, is that personal motivations disappear.
Only when enlightenment occurs do we realize that virtually everything we did, from getting out of bed to going to work to being in a relationship to pursuing our pleasures and interests, was motivated by personal concern.
In the absence of a separate self, there’s no personal motivation to do anything. Life just moves us.
When personal motivation no longer drives us, then what’s left is our true nature, which naturally expresses itself on the human dimension as love or compassion.
Not a compassion that we cultivate or practice because we’re supposed to, but a compassion that arises spontaneously from our undivided state. If we undertake being a good, compassionate person as a personal identity, it just gets in the way of awakening.”
As we continue on this path, the inner conflict and critical inner voice lessens, then disappears. We come to a place of inner knowing and compassion for ourselves and the world. This is the motivation that will drive us for the rest of our lives.
Ahimsa or non violence is the foundation of all yoga philosophy. Most of us might think we are not violent people. We don’t go around bullying or hurting others or animals. We are loving and giving, and would never want to do any harm.
However, there are many ways that we unconsciously do “violence” on ourselves.
How often do you stay at your desk to get through your work without a break or refreshment? Are you pushing yourself to exhaustion?
Is your self talk kind and supportive, or do you judge yourself harshly and put yourself down?
To paraphrase Gandhi’s words “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. Being forgiving and compassionate to yourself is the essential step to practicing ahimsa in the world.
This is fundamental for all of us on the path of yoga.
We must start with ourselves and allow the past damage of inner violence to heal.
Everything starts with our awareness of it.
Here are ways to bring about more awareness and change.
Decide to commit for one day to notice your internal conversations. Take time to journal and capture your thoughts.
At the end of the day. What did you notice? Is it time to change your conversation?
How can you start every thought with kindness?
An other practice is Loving Kindness Meditation. If your usual meditation is guided or based on mindfulness or mantra, commit to a loving kindness practice instead.Choose words that resonate with you.
May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you free of trouble and the causes of trouble
May you live your life with ease
“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the loss and sorrow. A part of us has been taught that this is somehow wrong, and we create stories to help us cope. We may get angry, resentful or vow never to put ourselves in that situation again. We resist these powerful feelings and try to escape them.
Yet it only takes a moment, a pause and perhaps a deep releasing sigh, to see that the source of this deep feeling is love.
Sorrow and love are interwoven because the two are always connected.
With our hearts open, there is yearning and longing. There is love here.
When we recognize that what we feel sad about, is really an opening of the heart, we can begin to smile in the knowing that we are alive and loving beings.
This is what makes us special.
“There are no perfect human beings! Persons can be found who are good, very good indeed, in fact, great.
There do in fact exist creators, seers, sages, saints, shakers, and movers…even if they are uncommon and do not come by the dozen.
And yet these very same people can at times be boring, irritating, petulant, selfish, angry, or depressed.
To avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first give up our illusions about it.”
Abraham Maslow from Motivation and Personality
This reminds me of fellow blogger Ann Koplow’s Asshole song from her debut Fringe show in Edinburgh.
We can all be assholes!
So expect others to have their good days and bad days.
So give yourself a break when you are not feeling on top of the world all the time, or if you know you have been an asshole.
So let go of the illusion – the beliefs about how you “should” be, and how others “should” be.
Accept that life is a series of highs and lows.
And most importantly – be kind towards the parts of you that are in the dark.
Hugs to all parts of you.
The asshole in me greets the asshole in you.
The words we choose in our thinking, our speech and our writing, impact on how we feel and our overall well being.
Have you ever noticed how a word can bring up a certain feeling inside of you? A sensation, a thought or an emotion?
Choosing a word that connects with your heart and soul can be not only uplifting, but also brings physical well being.
If you have a few moments, let’s explore.
Take your time as you connect to each of the words below. Go slowly. You can say them out loud:
Pause here and close your eyes. What is alive in you in this moment? Is there a warmth, softening, a feeling of tenderness or love perhaps? How is your breathing? Are you smiling? (me too) Notice how these words manifest themselves in your mind body and spirit.
Now take a deep breath and take the same time connecting to each of these words:
Pause here and close your eyes. What is alive in you in this moment? Is there tension or constriction or heaviness perhaps? How is your breathing? Notice how these words manifest themselves in your mind body and spirit.
In western medicine when there is resistance in our body it leads to inflammation, and increases our level of stress. These are both proven factors for ill health.
I believe in western medicine, and I also believe in that when there is constriction and tension our life energy contracts as well, and a part of inner state becomes blocked. This impacts our emotional and physical wellness.
In yoga, when the life energy (prana) is blocked it can be released with postures, breathing exercises (pranayama) and meditation. In Chinese medicine these blockages in Qi can be released through acupuncture.
No matter what we believe in our minds, our body has its own kind of intelligence.
Listen to your body’s wisdom.
Be mindful of your thoughts and your words. Your body is always listening.