I’m Not Needy – I Just Have Needs

This is a re-blog of a post that is a handy reference on human needs – and how important they are to ensure that we get them met. As we continue through these difficult times, more and more stress and distress will impact us all. May we all get our needs met and Find our Middle Ground.


Every human being has needs. It is part of the human condition. We were born with them and will go through most of our lives trying to get them met. When our needs are met we can fully access our humanity. Bringing compassion and kindness to ourselves and others.

Over the years as a life coach, I took several courses in Non Violent Communication. In NVC, needs are acknowledged and embraced. There is a vulnerable beauty behind our needs. The essence of who we are as human beings.

There are three groups of core needs that once we identify, we can honor: WELL BEING – SELF EXPRESSION – CONNECTION. Needs get a bad wrap…. but they shouldn’t. The more we recognize them, the more we can evolve and grow as human beings.

We often aren’t aware of our own needs, and it can be a powerful self-discovery to identify the ones that are most important to each of us. The needs below are grouped into the three categories. Pause for a moment and identify what needs resonate with you personally:

man deep relaxed breathing

WELL BEING
Health and Sustenance
Thriving
Vitality
Safety and Security
Stability
Rest
Peace
Acceptance
Gratitude
Balance
Celebration of life

joyful girl

SELF EXPRESSION
Autonomy/Freedom
Authenticity
Inspiration
Passion
Meaning
Contribution
Learning
Growth
Skill/Mastery
Self actualization

Loving Connection

CONNECTION
Love/caring
Compassion
Empathy/Understanding
Communication
Respect
Acceptance
Recognition
Community
Belonging
Relationship
Trust

Here is a self inquiry exercise to explore your needs more. Take a moment and ask yourself:

What am I grateful for?

Then

What needs are being met when I feel grateful?

Now think of a time when you were upset, possibly at work or with a family member…

Then

What needs were not being met?

In all likelihood it would be about recognition, respect and a sense of belonging.

Needs drive us and are essential for our well being. When our needs are being met it opens the door to be in connection with ourselves and with others.

We come to see there is no need to judge ourselves or others any more.

We are more able to center ourselves in our Middle Ground and handle the the highs and lows of life.

Namaste

In the Hands of Man

Photo by Gantas Vaiu010diulu0117nas on Pexels.com

“He who creates a poison, also has the cure.
He who creates a virus, also has the antidote.
He who creates chaos, also has the ability to create peace.
He who sparks hate, also has the ability to transform it to love.
He who creates misery, also has the ability to destroy it with kindness.
He who creates sadness, also has the ability to to covert it to happiness.
He who creates darkness, can also be awakened to produce illumination.
He who spreads fear, can also be shaken to spread comfort.
Any problems created by the left hand of man,
Can also be solved with the right,
For he who manifests anything,
Also has the ability to
Destroy it.” 

― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

Once the horror and grieving is over, let’s get to work with our right hands to bring balance and peace.

Namaste

Use “Kind Sight” for the Past Year and Year Ahead

no new years resolutions

This is a re-blog and a helpful guide for reflecting on the past year and looking ahead to 2021.

As we come to the end of 2020, its natural to reflect on the year that has gone by, as well as to look forward to the new year. I dropped New Year Resolutions many years ago – Getting into action in the dead of winter is extra hard work.

This is a time for reflection and semi-hibernation before the juices start flowing again in early spring.

Instead of New Year Resolutions I  practice “kind sight” instead.

Here is a journaling exercise that you can do at a quiet moment now that the rush of the Holidays is over. I like to think of this as a Middle Ground moment. A time for being present, reflecting and allowing our inner wisdom to inspire us for whatever comes next.
Take a few moments to let yourself get settled and comfortable. 

Start by reflecting with “kind sight”on the past year. “Kind sight” simply means being kind to yourself, instead of being critical and hard on yourself. With “kind sight” we are able to see mistakes as lessons, and life’s challenges as times of resiliency, courage and personal growth. This surely has been a year for all of that.

Ask yourself the following questions and write down your answers:

What happened during 2020….

What was a highlight?

What was a lowlight?

What was a surprise?

What do I feel proud of?

What do I feel grateful for?

What did I learn (or am still learning) from either the highlights or lowlights?

Some people do a month by month reflection, while others evaluate each area of their life (career, family, health, hobbies, learning, contribution, spirituality, travel, environment, self-care, personal growth)

Once you’ve reflected on 2020, write a Future Gratitude Letter:

Dear future me

This is a letter to yourself written a year in advance, describing all the things that you are grateful for during the year. Start with the date December 31 2021 and address it to yourself.

Include who you’ve become and what you now have or are moving towards.  Be careful not to include anything that feels like a “have to” goal or something that you “should” achieve.

This is a letter of “kind sight” for the year ahead. The key is in the energy.  If your energy feels uplifted when you think about the things you’re grateful for in a year’s time, then you are tapping into your own inner wisdom.

It’s a wonderful process, very revealing and enlightening, especially over the next year. Let the creative tension and intention begin its journey.

Haiku – connection

This is a re-blog. May we all continue to find truth and inspire each other through connection.


interconnectedness


~

Find your Middle Ground

Share with others to inspire

Truth in connection

~

In times when we can’t meet in person, a sense of connection and community become even more important. Keep reaching out, checking in with others and sharing from your heart.

Namaste

New Vision for Winter Days Ahead

Last week I found myself feeling weary about the ongoing confinement and fear of infection so close to home. I realized I had to shift my perspective and find some light for the dark days ahead.

Photo by Gantas Vaiu010diulu0117nas on Pexels.com

It was a week of “letting the dishes sit in the sink” in order to allow the stuck bits to release themselves rather than being forced. (This phrase is one of John J. Prendergast’s that he shared in a Zoom meeting exploring his latest book The Deep Heart. – Highly recommended!)

I went to sleep asking how I can make the most of the time ahead… and I woke up one morning with these words: Imagination. Creativity. Enthusiasm. Connection. These traits are available to us as human beings, and are essential for personal transformation and advancement of societies around the world. These are the gifts to use to take us through challenging times.

Imagination

Imagination isn’t just for our entertainment but for our survival. If we cannot imagine a different way of being or a better way of doing things we would never be able to change, relate to, and adapt to the world around us.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.”

~ Albert Einstein

Take some time and ask yourself. “At this time, what is my imagination curious about and eager to explore?”

Creativity

Matthew Fox writes in his book “Creativity”:

“Chaos reigns in our world today … What do we do with it? Creativity has an answer. We are told by those who have studied the processes of nature that creativity happens at the border between chaos and order. Chaos is a prelude to creativity…

We are creators at our very core. Only creating can make us happy, for in creating we tap into the deepest powers of self and universe and the Divine Self.”

Pause and ask yourself. “What is calling to be created out of this chaotic time?”

Enthusiasm

“Enthusiasm means there is deep enjoyment in what you do plus the added element of a goal or vision that you work toward. When you add a goal to the enjoyment of what you do, the energy-field or vibrational frequency changes. A certain degree of what you might call structural tension is now added to enjoyment, and so it turns into enthusiasm. At the height of creative activity fueled by enthusiasm, there is enormous intensity and energy behind what you do. You feel like and arrow that is moving towards a target – and enjoying the journey.”

~Eckhart Tolle from “Oneness with Life”

Begin by making a list of the things you enjoy. Then ask yourself “What do I enjoy doing that I can set a goal around?” Feel the energy shift and go with it!

Connection

At the beginning of the pandemic, I slowed down and stepped back. It was an opportunity to Find my Middle Ground and find contentment within myself. The Spring and Summer were times of inner connection, retreating from the world and spending time in nature. This practice of being alone, however, can lead to a sense of isolation, especially when we can’t meet in person with those we love.

Connection inwards has shown me how important relationships with others are. We are all in this together, and will get through it together. There is hardship, illness and death for so many people. For those of us who are secure and well, we must reach out to others who may be struggling and let them know that we care. They are not alone.

This quote from Brene Brown comes to mind:

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

Moving forward into Winter, I plan to use my imagination and creativity; to inject enthusiasm into what I enjoy, and to connect authentically with others.

I’m curious to hear what this may have sparked in you.

Namaste

Inspiration – Into the deep

white rose

” The way is not really a way.
It is a depth.
It is not a distance.
It is a deepening into the stillness, deepening in the unmoving.
It is not a walking journey.
Journeys are for the body and the ego-mind.
But listening takes you deeper into the bliss of the unknowable. “*

~Mooji

In darker days, let these words guide you towards that deep place of peace and bliss within you.

Namaste

*Mooji (2015-12-03). White Fire: Spiritual insights and teachings of advaita zen master Mooji (Kindle Locations 137-139). Mooji Media Publications. Kindle Edition.

Haiku – change perspective

Photo by AaDil on Pexels.com

~

When the chips are down

be grateful for the journey

Nothing has gone wrong

~

Change your perspective

Breathe in acceptance and love

Find your Middle Ground

~

When something goes wrong in our lives, we often spend a lot of time going over what happened. Our ego-mind goes into analytical mode, trying to figure it out, so it can fix it, or come up with a story that is acceptable. I found myself in this state earlier this week.

After two sleepless nights of going over an unexpected and disturbing event, and trying to come up with the answer that would make me feel better …. I woke up with the answer. In the calm of the dawn, there was no answer other than to breath in love and acceptance. To allow the heart to open and the mind to let go of trying to fix the unfixable.

When we move from our heads to hearts, transformation happens. Embracing loving kindness and simply allowing the things to be that we can’t control, shifts the energy and brings about balance.

I came across these words from The Deep Heart by John J. Prendergast

“It is enough that we listen and follow moment to moment. It is enough that we are open, are available, and take the next obvious step and see what happens. It is enough when the ordinary mind bows down to the wisdom of the heart and trusts the movement of a wiser current. When we surrender to it, a natural authority in the core of our being guides our life quite beautifully”

It is enough to trust our hearts and come from a place of love. When we do we are living from our Middle Ground.

Follow this link to find out more about finding your middle ground.

What is the Purpose of Meditation?

man meditating under rock
Photo by Suraphat Nuea-on on Pexels.com

I enjoy dipping into the words of the great sages, usually at bedtime. Right now, “I Am That” – Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj is at the top of the bedside pile.

Here is his wisdom about Meditation:

“The primary purpose of meditation is to become conscious of, and familiar with, our inner life. The ultimate purpose is to reach the source of life and consciousness….

We are slaves to what we do not know, of what we know we are masters.

Whatever vice or weakness in ourselves we discover and understand its causes and its workings, we overcome it by the very knowing.

The unconscious dissolves when brought into the conscious. The dissolution of the unconscious releases energy; the mind feels adequate and becomes quiet.

When the mind is quiet, we come to know ourselves as the pure witness.”

Meditation allows us to become a non judging witness, and to develop our ability to step back and see ourselves without the stories that make up our lives.

“We are slaves to what we do not know, of what we know we are masters”. This really has stayed with me.

This approach to meditation crosses the bridge between self improvement and spirituality. It is the most important step in our evolution as humans and conscious beings.

Namaste

A Prayer for our Times

Always Into Love

On this voyage of
the soul, may we be
bridge builders,
our common ground
visible beneath the
surface differences.

May we braid the
threads of reconciliation
into a chain of possibility
that joins, heals, and
includes what once
seemed separate.

May our shared prayer
be answered: to grow
so open that there is
no “them” or “us,”
only the One, moving
always into love.

~ Danna Faulds

Ego’s Last Stand

I have been thinking about ego this week and how it shows up in our lives.

When the mind cannot accept a reality that goes against its own persona, it creates all sorts of stories to find a way to make it acceptable. We are seeing this unfold very publicly here in the US.

Someone who sees himself as a winner, was chastised as a loser growing up, and who now despises losers, cannot face being a loser himself.

A strong ego is driven by its need to be right. When it is threatened it will immediately shift blame, create stories and act out, so the ego is validated.

This is the ego’s last stand for survival.

A blow to our ego is one of the most hurtful things to experience. It cuts right into how we see ourselves and want to be seen. I recall times in my life when I expected  people to appreciate me, only to be disappointed when they didn’t. This is all about the ego and looking for validation.

For those of us on a spiritual path or working towards self realization, be especially careful where ego many hiding.

If you have difficulty saying “I don’t know” or “I was wrong” or “I am sorry” or “I forgive you” or “Please forgive me”, then your ego may still be very much in charge.

An other question to ask yourself as you talk to others, share on WordPress or whenever you are in relationship to someone:

“Am I doing this unconditionally or is there something I expect or hope for in return?

Sometimes we create stories that we are doing something for the good or others, but behind the altruism is an ego wanting to feel appreciated and validated.

Take some time to notice how your ego may be showing up in your life. Whenever you need to be right, its right there.

Haiku – rest in this moment

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Rest in this moment

It just takes a breath or two

Find Your Middle Ground

 

This is what I have to say to you today.

Take a moment to step away from it all.

Breathe in the Prana and goodness from nature and absorb the energy from the sun.

Take care of what you eat so it nourishes your very soul as well as the body.

Gaze upon the beauty around you and those you love.

Touch an other with love and appreciation.

 

This is a time for deep self care to nurture every part of our Being.

Pause and find your middle ground.

Namaste

 

To find out more about finding your middle ground click here

The Insanity of the Human Condition

crowd

Wisdom from Adyashanti worth repeating. Written before 2016.

“In no way can I deny the insanity of the human condition. And yet, because there’s so much insanity, so much unconsciousness, it’s possible that there’s also the other side of it.

Life is always balancing itself out.

So, while all of this is happening, there’s also this undercurrent of people all over the place who have a deep and profound interest in the ultimate nature of reality in themselves—and they are realizing it!

Not only is that now happening among a wider variety and number of human beings, it’s also happening more and more outside of hierarchical institutions.

I think there’s something within all of this, something very authentic, that’s breaking down the barriers between every person and our ideas of what a spiritual person is. It’s sort of a silent, quiet revolution that’s happening.

But even though there’s a lot of awakening, I don’t know if that means we’re at the dawn of some beautiful renaissance age or that the human species will totally selfdestruct. I can see it going either way.

I do think that in our deepest heart we don’t actually want to contribute to the insanity around us. Our nature is, if anything, to be a contributor to sanity and wholeness, to bringing that into manifestation.”

~ Adyashanti

May we stop contributing to the insanity around us, and come from our deepest heart.

Bring on the silent loving revolution towards wholeness.

Namaste