Release the Need to Save People from their Problems

Release the Need to Save People by Sanaya Roman*

”You can dissolve obstacles to love by releasing the need to save people from their problems. You can love others as your soul does by allowing them to be responsible for their own lives.

Taking care of others, worrying about their lives, and solving their problems can occupy so much of your attention and emotions that you have no energy left to put into your own life and spiritual path.
When you stop saving others, you can release any resentment you might feel for all the time and energy you spent on them.

When you save others, you can become a victim when they do not use your help in the way you would like, when they continue to create similar problems, or when they expect and demand that you continue to save them.

Learn to recognize when you are helping others because you feel that they do not have the strength or ability to solve their own problems.
When you feel an urge to help people in a way that will “save” them or take away their lessons, stop!
You may find that your desire to help others really comes from your own need to feel better and to have less concern and worry about their problems.

Assume that people have the ability to solve their own problems, even if you can’t see how they will. While your soul is interested in assisting people, it does not interfere with their lives. It allows people to have their own ideas, to live in whatever way they choose, to learn from their mistakes and to achieve their own successes.”

“Sometimes pain and suffering are necessary. No one can grow for us.” ~ Author unknown

This has been a profound lesson for me on my spiritual journey. When we recognize that we have a need to rescue others, or need other people to need us, we don’t allow them to have their own experience and to grow as human beings. It also diminishes our ability to connect at an authentic soul to soul level with others.

The aim of Yoga is to bring the mind to a state where we can see clearly without distortion of the truth

In Yoga, aparigraha or non attachment is one if the most difficult observances on our path to enlightenment. As a practice, it is usually focused on letting go of material objects and not being greedy or grasping. However, it can also apply to our thinking and in relationship to others. With self inquiry we can start to explore the motivations and thinking behind our actions and interactions in the world. Some questions to ponder are:

Am I grasping for attention … recognition … appreciation… to make me feel better about myself?
Am I interfering or trying to fix other people in an effort to fix myself?
In preventing them from feeling pain or being challenged, am I keeping them from growing?

While we are compassionate towards others and support them on their journey, it’s important to honor them and their experience, and allow them to grow through their own self inquiry.
The need to save others can keep us attached and prevents us, and them, from becoming truly free.

*Soul to Soul (p. 114). Monkfish Book Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Inner Alignment

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We live in a self absorbed society where everything seems to be directed to feeding the insatiable and bored little “me”.

When we start finding our Middle Ground, we get in touch with our inner being and experience what is happening in the moment. This inner world includes our thoughts, beliefs, needs, feelings and knowing what really matters to us – our values.

We become observers of ourselves.

We come nurturers of our inner being instead of critics.

Life becomes more satisfying just as it is. There is less need for stimulation, excitement and acquiring of things to prove to ourselves, entertain us, show others, or to keep boredom at bay.

This shift can happen in a moment or over a space of time … and is available to all of us.

Through yoga, I learned that this feeling of centered contentment was when my mind, body and spirit are aligned and in harmony.

I call this place of inner alignment the Middle Ground.

Thank you for joining me here 💛

Being Out of Integrity

This is a re-post I found inspiring to me today. Take time to find your middle ground and come home to your Self.

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meditating

I used to think that when I was out of integrity I was not walking my own talk and my thoughts were not in alignment with my beliefs and values.
That when my thinking and actions weren’t aligned, I was letting myself down in some away, and not honoring my best self.
And then I woke up and experienced it as something more.

The signs of being out of integrity were the same. For me, its an icky uncomfortable feeling in my gut. I’ve come to recognize this as my unconscious letting me know that something isn’t right. There is something to discover within.

When this feeling happens I ask myself two questions and then listen for an answer.

1. Am I feeling fearful? ….I didn’t defect any fear. There were no anxious thoughts or worries.

2. Am I out of integrity?…. and I couldn’t see anything “wrong”. I wasn’t letting myself down by being out of alignment with my thoughts and actions. Usually there’s something that comes up –  like avoiding exercise, over eating, trying to get out of a commitment I regretted having made, or feeling bad because I was snippy with someone when I was focused elsewhere. This time it made no sense whatsoever. But there was no “bad” deed or self denial to be dug up and exposed.

So what was going on?

I decided to set aside time to be with myself for yoga and meditation. I moved gently and then simply sat. Being fully present and open to see what would show up.

As I did, I felt a gentle wave of warm loving energy and a softening around my heart. A small voice without words seemed to say “Ah here you are. I’ve missed you.”

The well intentioned judge disappeared and was replaced by pure loving kindness. I gave it space to be and to grow. It moved through my very being. Enfolding me and nurturing my spirit.

My realization is this:

Before I would judge myself as in some way as being “wrong”, and then I would make it “right” by changing how I was behaving or thinking. My judge is well intentioned, but sees things as right or wrong and can be very critical.

When we let go of the judge, a loving connection with ourselves can seed itself and grow. Harmony is found again and everything is aligned once more with life and the world.

Now I know that when I am out of integrity then I am not taking time to be kind to myself.

It’s not about changing my thinking and actions, its about opening my heart and connecting to my Self.

Namaste

Peace is a Natural Mind State

This is a re-blog and a reminder for myself the morning. Peace is within us all. Take time to meditate today.

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This is one of my favorite quotes about inner peace from Dr Thynn Thynn . Every time I read it or share it, it makes me see how simple peace of mind can be if we only learn how to access it.

“Peace is a natural mind-state in every one of us. Peace has been there since the day we were born and is going to be there until the day we die. It is our greatest gift; so why do we think we have no peace of mind?

Experiencing peace is like looking at our hands. Usually we see only the fingers – not the spaces in between them.

In a similar manner, when we look at the mind, we are aware of the active states, such as our running thoughts and the one thousand and one feelings that are associated with them, but we tend  to overlook the intervals of peace between them.”

open hand

When we come to realize that peace of mind is already within us, our journey changes from searching for it, to one of letting go and being present. By letting go of what our thoughts are caught up with, and coming into the present moment, we connect to our inner being.

This is the secret place where peace resides.

I love the idea of shedding and revealing rather than striving for.

If you have a minute or two, why not slow down and join me here in a moment of  mindfulness.

Take a moment to notice your hands and the spaces in between your fingers.

Close your eyes and now picture the space between each finger.

Allow your hands to soften.

Notice the warmth in your palms.

Let your hands rest on your thighs with the palms up.

Allow your breath to soften and lengthen.

Breathe ….

Relax your jaw and forehead.

Breathing gently ….

Notice the calm in between the thoughts that come up.

Remember that this is always within you. Its up to you how you choose to access it and bring it into your everyday life.

Human Being

photo of man on the beach

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“You are a Human Being.  These two words not only describe who you are as a member of a particular species but, if examined more deeply, also point to the twofold nature of your identity.  Human is who you are on the level of form; that is to say, your body and mind.  Those two aspects of your form identity make up your conditioned self.  That self is conditioned by genetics and the environment, as well as other factors as yet unknown to science. 

Being, on the other hand, points to the essence of who you are as timeless, formless, and unconditioned consciousness. 

Human and Being, form and essence, are ultimately not separate, in the same way that a wave or ripple on the surface of the ocean is not separate from the ocean or from any other wave or ripple, although it may appear to be so.”

~ Eckhart Tolle

I’m feeling very Human right now as I get ready for a vacation in Scotland and with my Mum on a river cruise in the Netherlands. Lots of distractions in getting ready and anticipating the days ahead. There is also the conditioning of genetics, culture, familial roles and the environment that pulls me away from the contentment of Being.

Over the next couple of weeks I will be sharing my favorite posts to inspire us all in our Being and to Find our Middle Ground.

 

Tolle Inspiration on Awakening

astronomy dark dawn dusk

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What does it really mean for human beings at their current evolutionary stage to “become more conscious” or to “awaken”?  If I had to put it in a nutshell, I would define it as “disidentification from thinking.”  When you realize that the voice in your head, your incessant compulsive thinking, is not who you are, then you have begun to awaken. 

A new dimension of consciousness has arisen, which we could call awareness, presence, or wakefulness.  You haven’t fallen below thought; you have risen above it.  Now you can use thought instead of being used by it.  Your sense of self shifts from identification with your mental positions and narratives to the alive presence within you, which is consciousness itself.  

You realize the being behind the human, so to speak.  Something that transcends your conditioned personality begins to emerge.  You realize your essential identity as unconditioned consciousness itself, and you can verify within yourself the truth of Jesus’s words:  “You are the light of the world.”

~ Eckhart Tolle

We are Like Daffodils

landscape photography of field covered with yellow flowers

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Daffodils

A hundred daffodils

lift their faces

to the sun,

never noticing

their own golden light

~ Danna Faulds

I shared this yesterday with a wonderful group of yoga teachers. May we all wake up and notice our own golden light.

Namaste