For everyone spending time with the Fokkers this year. This is a re-post and reminder just in time for Christmas and New Years.
☯︎☮︎☯︎☮︎☯︎☮︎☯︎☮︎☯︎
“If you think you are truly enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents.”
~ Ram Dass
I laughed out loud when I read this today! Visiting back home definitely brings me back down to earth. I then googled to see what others said about this and found this wisdom from Eckhart Tolle.
“It is a good test for your degree of Presence. The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.
… You will gain the most from this experience if you don’t take it too seriously, if you don’t create impossible standards for your conduct of behavior, if you try so hard to be Present and Still that you behave like a robot, if you withdraw into a cocoon of self-protection, or if you blame your family members for every little imperfect act from the past that harmed you in some way.
Instead, and above all, choose to relax, reduce your expectations for what may or may not happen, expect little skirmishes, disagreements, moments of humility or failure, and the distance you may feel with your family as a whole, knowing that you are trying to move beyond the ego patterns that have been impediments to your soul and that they care less about ego and Presence and even Truth.
Love and accept them where they’re at. Have compassion for their pain. Be observant while being engaged as guilelessly as possible. Watch yourself and your reactions, out of curiosity, not judgment or blame, but for the benefit of learning how and where you’re really at in your spiritual evolution.”
So … Don’t take it too seriously. Relax. Expect to re-live some moments rooted in the past. Love and accept them for who they are, rather than wishing them to be different. And above all, don’t just bring a present Be Present.
Namaste
Great post, dear Val. A most important reminder with a little humor! Thank you! Right on time. 💕
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Thanks Carrie! I found this so reassuring as well as funny!
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Such a terrific post. Love Tolle’s quote as well. Never thought we’d need lessons on visiting family but we surely do if we want it to go well!
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Thank you Deborah 💛
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Very helpful post for me today, Val! ❤
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So glad you found it helpful Ann 💛
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I love to spend time with my parents…I do it every week. 🙂 Great reminder, Val!
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You’re parents are great Jill! Many of us have travelled different paths. 💛
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Yes they are, Val! I’m very blessed. ❤
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“ego patterns that have been impediments to your soul ” Oh, my…that’s it, isn’t it ? We all fall back into those patterns. I could write a post/series/book about the topic. Thanks, Val. ☺
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Go ahead and write that book Van. I’ll definitely buy it 💛
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Thanks, Val. ☺❤️
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interesting and realistic post… speakin’ of “be present”: 🙂
“True love always brings joy, to ourselves and to our loved one. If our love brings no joy on both sides, this is not genuine love. How can we experience joy for the others if we are unable to love ourselves? With no comprehension, love does not exist. You must look deep to get to see and to figure out the needs, aspirations and pain of those you love. To be loved, you have to be able to love, hence to understand, and to be actually present.”(Thich Nhat Hanh)
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Thank you Melanie for your this lovely share 💛
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Love this Val — I was very proud of myself years ago when I realized that I no longer reverted to my five year old self when I visited my mother. I’d graduated to behaving like my 13 year old. Now that’s progress! 🙂
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Progress indeed Louise 😉 it’s an interesting place to observe ourselves in as adults! xo
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Sometimes the only thing we have in common with family is a shared history.
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. . . and some bloody unhelpful genes! 😉
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Don’t get me going on the genes H! ….
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It feels like that to me Nancy. Memories and the past play such a big role, when we no longer share the same values or beliefs today. Thanks for being here 💛
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Accept the Fokkers for what they are? 😉
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Hahaha!! Yes indeed Hariod 💛
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Fortunately or unfortunately, distance keeps us apart for most of the year. The times we visit are generally good.
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Absence can make the heart grow fonder Dan! Thank you 💛
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My rules for family: Be present, no expectations, just accept….we’re all on a journey, just different paths to the same destination. I admit, sometimes I must remind myself. Other times, all flows…
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Great rules Suzi!! ❤️
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At a summer event this past year with family I had one of those crystal clear moments, watching myself in my family dynamics where I thought, “Oh yeah, I forgot how crazy I can be….” At that moment I doubled up on my meditation time. I realized vacation had many meanings, some of which meant vacating the person who is quiet and serene, mindlessly, as I entered into the chaos of my family story. Vacation meant more intention rather than less. Great piece.
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I love this Noelle! Being aware of when we vacate our true selves while on vacation. 💛
Thank you for this insight xo
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I love that Ram Dass quote – it comes in handy when visiting family. Eckhard’s wisdom is helpful, too. It is great practice visiting folks who know where all your buttons are! 😉
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Oh, you must have met my twin brother Eliza!
Buttons are his speciality. 😉
It really is an interesting place to bring awareness to, rather stepping back into habitual interactions and adolescent thinking.
xo
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It is interesting and watching my grown kids do it can be such a lesson!
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Val, I feel like a freak!
The relationship I had with my parents was great, easy and open. We grew together. I guess I was very, very lucky compared to lots of people and family gatherings are still brill and in the preent. I think our parents sense of fun was a huge influence on us all.
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When we share the same values, beliefs and outlook on life … as well as having a great sense of humor, it makes for great relationships 💕 You are lucky Jean that your family are the best of friends.
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True! And I know I’m very fortunate. Having said that, we were given good guidance by our parents and have always worked at getting on and being close.
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When I go visit my family in Arizona, I’m in on a morning flight, and out on an evening flight. They always notice. I always mention the 2 dogs and 5 cats…
😉
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I understand MK! We have 3 dogs. It isn’t easy to get good pet sitters 😉
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LOL, and you should just reblog this every year about Halloween as the family season ramps up!! 😀
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Good idea Kate! I thought I would get it in before Easter and Passover this year 😉
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Wonderful post, Val.
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Thanks so much Carol 💛
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Love this, Val, and it’s so true!
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Thanks Michele. It’s good to know we are not alone in this 💛
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Love that quote!
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Thank you Elizabeth. Me too!
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Wonderful Val!
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Thank you Kath! Glad you enjoyed it. Especially if you have upcoming family gatherings … And expectations.
Stay true to you 💛
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Val I am blessed with a large bunch of siblings and we are lucky we all seem to have similar personalities and so we mostly enjoy our family gatherings. My Mum is an optimistic being and has given this gift to us too. My Father was a man who knew how to make us laugh. I feel for those families that hate family gatherings. My problem is getting us altogether at the same time.
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I can only imagine the logistics Kath! But what a delight that you enjoy each other’s company so much 😍
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What a wonderful blessing!
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I love that first quote by Ram Das. So true!
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Agreed❣️thank you LuAnne xoxo
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This is such good advice, Val. I have seen the Ram Dass quote but not the Tolle offering. Both are brilliant in their own way. I wish I knew then what I know now and could put my knowledge to the test, but my parents are gone and my provocative brother is gone. My sisters are relatively easy to accept, even though we are vastly different.
I hope you enjoy your holiday, and thanks for all your wonderful shares in this year. Peace, dear one. Aloha. 🌹🌺🥰
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Thank you so much Bela. May we continue to be present to the unfolding and learnings in life. Sending you greetings of the season and a big hug 🎄💝🎄
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All blessings, Val! 🙏😘
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oh yes, family is the best,
er, most advance practice!
can’t live with or without them.
wishing you holiday cheers 🙂
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Well said David. Thank you for the smile ❣️
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Love the Fokkers! And important message Val. Happy Holidays to you and your family.
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Thank you Dave. Happy Holidays to you 🌟🙏🎄
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Relate! Oh boy, relate! I had to laugh as well with that first quote! Merry Christmas, dear Val! 😘
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I love spending time with my family! It’s a real gift.
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Embracing the gift is all that matters. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas Fiona 💛
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Good repost (and timely)!
Merry Christmas to all the Fokkers . . . near and far!
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Double thanks Nancy 💛🎄💛
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