These words came to me in a conversation yesterday with someone who feels she must rescue her adult daughter from a difficult marriage and challenging home situation.
“You cannot live her life for her.
Can you let her live her life?
… and live your own life?”
Perhaps you can relate to this if you are a parent.
Although I am not a parent, these words settled in deeply, and I too realized that I have not been living my own life here and now.
I’ve been living life in the context of “When Don is better”.. or “if Don isn’t here”.
We must all live our lives fully. It is ours to live, just as it is. In the present.
I realized that I have been living with a mindset of “after cancer”. Yet, the reality is that there is only living with cancer. By living for an unknown future, I have set aside the present and haven’t lived it fully.
When our mind is set elsewhere, the present become a means to an end. Yet the “end” is only a creation in our mind. We miss out on living life as it is.
It doesn’t mean that we should live in a passive way, or give up on life. Quite the contrary.
We don’t know what the future holds, but right now can be wonderful when we pay attention to it… and live it just as it is.
Take a moment to reflect.
“Are you living your own life as it is? … or setting it aside for someone else? … or perhaps living for an unknown future?”
And the question I now ask myself is “How can I be more present with myself and those I love?”
Namaste
p.s. Don’s latest scan shows he is in remission. The next will be at the end of April.
No matter what is going in in your life, fully live and love in the moment you are in.
Find Your Middle Ground 
Perfect advice.
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Thank you Kate 💛
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🙏
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Thank you. 🙏
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Wonderful news on Don, and Val…Thank you for being the most amazing Light…Blessings and Love..Namaste’
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So true, Val. As a parent, we are so used to being in our kid’s life and helping them make decisions that it becomes a habit, and a bad one to continue with when they are grown. Even in marriage we think in twos and that’s probably not good either. We need to live in the now of our own lives because that’s all we really have.
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So well said Michele. Thank you for sharing here 💛
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Good advice, but it is Ok to feel what you have been feeling too. Sometimes the present is shitty, but to look out at beauty/love around you and realize that it can be there for us to embrace helps get through those times.
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So true. Thank you my wise and feeling friend 💕
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Good news about Don, Val. And don’t be too hard on yourself . . . if you weren’t living in the present, I doubt you would have made your recent trip to Scotland to connect with YOUR roots and relatives. 😀
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Thank you Nancy 💛
Finding the balance between self care and caring for others is a path that many of us travel.
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Every parent, including myself has had to face letting go and allowing our children to leave the nest and grow in their own way. I have also seen how focusing on others and their issues, allow us to avoid ours and this keeps us all trapped. Wise advice Val. 🙏🏻
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Yes. I think what you are also saying is that, sometimes focusing on others instead of taking responsibility for ourselves can be a way to avoid not only living fully, but also accepting ourselves. Thank you Karen 💛
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Very wise advice, Val. It is so easy to try to live others life, specially the ones, as we care for, but we can only live our own life and need to let go these thoughts about living our kids life too. We have learned by experiences and our kids need to do the same, what ever we like it or not. We can only let them know, that we will always be there for support, if they need us, but they are allowed to live their own life ❤
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I love your wisdom on this Irene. Thank you for sharing 💛
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You are welcome Val. I know, this sounds more easy to say than to live, but practice helps ❤
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As sound as ever, Val
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Thank you Derrick for being my sounding board 💕
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Wise words that we as parents eventually realized… here’s to our own good life x barbara
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Thank you Barbara 💛
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❤️ and to live this, is the answer
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When we live this there is no longer a question ❤ thank you David.
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Thank you, for sharing your news and for the great advice.
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Don’s latest scan is wonderful news.
But I agree with you in that we must live our own lives as they are, right now. We can waste our whole lives waiting for that better job, bigger house, new car etc. In doing so, we miss out on enjoying the reality of today.
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Thank you Vicki for your good wishes and sharing the wisdom 💕
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Wonderful news about, Don. I’ll keep you both in my prayers, Sylvia. xo
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Thanks so much Jill 💕
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💕🙏
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I fully love the moments with you, Val.
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Thank you fully lovely Ann 💕
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As always, your words are far deeper than they appear at first flush. Oddly, that often seems to be the way with wisdom; it connects at two levels — linking and extending from the superficial to the profound. It’s as if one can read or hear wise words and say to oneself, “I can appreciate that”, yet that’s just at an intellectual level; whilst if we’re really attuned we go on to say “Ah, but now I see it.” I see you Val. Good news on Don! H ❤
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Thank you sharing this kind observation Hariod 👀
I so enjoy meeting people wherever they are on their path 🙏💛
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This is such a powerful reflection, Val. I can relate at so many levels, as a parent, spouse, sibling, friend… and I am happy for the good news on Don’s health. Much love ❤
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Thanks so much Helen 🌹
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Oh Val, I must have missed that about Don. That is such fabulous news to read that he is in remission. 😎
I believe that the role of a loving parent when faced with advising an adult son or daughter is to carefully and gently ask questions that allow said son or daughter to reflect on various scenarios pertinent to the situation. You know, the ‘What if ….. ?’ questions.
This to me is being present for those that one loves. So far, so good!
However, as you acknowledge in your very touching post, being present for others, as in being genuinely open for others, is founded upon an open self-awareness of oneself. The “I” comes before the “You”!
Finally, I will close by suggesting that you and your readers be very cautious of amateur psychologists! (Especially the British variety! 😅 )
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Thank you Paul for your kind words and sharing your wisdom 💕 I do like the mentor approach to parenting!
Don’s cancer has been his story and not one that I shared with others. Now that we are planning for the future .. and having some fun … it’s okay to share what was in the past.
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“planning for the future…. and having some fun” is such a delight to read this damp Sunday morning here in Oregon! Please pass on to Don our very warm wishes for that future. ❤
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🙏
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This is such good advice. More reflection to follow….
Thank you, Val.
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Thank you Roseanne 💕
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And I forgot to say that the news about your husband’s remission is wonderful.
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Very good advice, and I’m sure it’s hard to follow when a loved one is dealing with something as serious as cancer. But you are right, it is the only way to fully live, and to enjoy what we actually have, right here and right now. (PS: so glad to hear Don’s in remission!)
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Thanks so much Ann. Life is good when we are in the moment 💛
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Oh, Val! Isn’t it scary when we suddenly realize this fact? We think we are evolving and that we are in the present moment…and then there is the realization that we are looking at a distant time in the future (that may or may not even be a truth) and ignoring what is going on in and around us in THIS MOMENT!!
I suppose when we get to the place where we have awareness in every single moment…then our work here will be done!
I am so happy to hear about ‘remission!’ And I just know that the two of you will BE in this moment and will LIVE it fully!! Much love…and great gratitude! ❤
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Thank you Lorrie for your kind words and wisdom 💕 We are all evolving in our own way, and keep learning new and deeper perspectives. I hope your weekend has been going well and you are feeling good my friend! xo
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This is always such a profound realization and reminder coming in different forms. Thank you for this one.
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At many levels. So true PD. Thank you 💕
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Sending you hugs, Val. We all need the reminder to live in “the present.” Glad to hear of the remission.
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Thanks so much Van 💛
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This is sooooo good, Val, thank you! ❤
And so happy to hear of the remission results of your Don's latest scans too! xx
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Than you sooooo much Julie 💛🙏💛
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Very important post and thought. I’ve had to push people from my life that wanted to tell me how to live it and push a few out to live their own. As a parent, I’ve been given a lot of flack about not being helpful long enough for my children. I help until I see it’s time for them to help themselves more and sometimes the best way is the hard way. Even with my own illness, I didn’t want it to identify me and who I am. I am not the illness. I give it little attention and focus my day on all the good that comes into it. Where attention goes, energy flows. I’m delighted you have good news and the possibility of some time to have fun. Tomorrow often doesn’t come. Have some fun today.
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Where attentIon goes, the energy flows. ❤this Marlene ❤
thank you for your kind words.
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Very true words, Val. We can only do what we do, but doing it in the now rather than in the ‘what if’ world has to be better.
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So true Tom. Living in the reality of now works for me too! 💛
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That is hard advice to follow, but sterling just the same. Hugs! ❤
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The biggest challenges bring out the best in all,of us, when we face them fully and come from a place of love . Thanks Jennifer 🙏
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Facing them fully is a challenge in itself. But yes, love is the key. ❤️
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So true Jennifer. Thank you 💕
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Val, It is easy to say live your own life, harder to do under circumstances of such uncertainly. I needed to read those words for myself, thank you for sharing. I am glad you had good news, and shared it. Be well
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Stepping back and getting perspective is so helpful. I hope your break has nourished and refreshed you. It is so important to feel that we are held, instead of being the holder. Sending love and light your way 🙏💛
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Thank you for your words. So powerful and it really resonates with me.
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Thank you E.G. 💕
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Sometimes we think we can manage other people’s lives,but we somehow forget our life.
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So true Ben. Thank you for being here 💛
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Hello Val. It is so good to meet you and I want to thank you for the follow which is much appreciated.
This post really resonates with me and I’m so pleased that you connected with me at the right moment in time, or else I would have missed out on the wisdom you impart. Thank you.
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Thank you Marie. I’m glad it was timely for you. It’s good to have you here 💛
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Val it was good to be here. I shared this with another blogging buddy who says she is going to try and take your advice too. So you see, I am setting off a chain reaction …:)
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Thank you Marie. May the ripples row out and the energy keep reacting 💛
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Amen to that Val! :)x
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Great advice! Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not here yet. All we really have is NOW.
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Thank you for sharing your wise words here faith 💛
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It is hard living your own life when someone you care for is ill or injured or having difficulties one way or another. I think that it is the hardest lesson in life to learn, to not completely sacrifice yourself.
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So true Elizabeth. Thank you for sharing your wisdom 💛
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In so many ways we miss out on life because we find ourselves caught in our self made conundrum. Great post!
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Conundrum indeed! Thank you Matthew 💛
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Hi there.. Well, I feel that in today’s time, we have so much influence of the social media, that we don’t even find time to reflect on our own lives. Rather, we just want to know what’s happening in the lives of others. I really feel that it’s very important for every individual to reflecton their own lives, and be thankful for what we have.
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Beautifully said. Thank you 💛
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Totally agree!! Thank you 😊
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There is only one life and we got to live our own…
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Yes indeed. Thanks for stopping by 💛
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