Connection Emotional Intelligence middle ground

* Quick Relationship Tip

doggie butt

Don’t put your “but” in the face of an angry person.

Angry people are in a triggered reactive state.

The ability to listen or think logically diminishes with the rise of  strong emotions.

The animal or limbic brain takes over control from the reasoning pre-frontal cortex.

Evidence also shows that when we grip our jaw, we are less able to listen through our ears.

Be careful of those buts.

Wait until the person has calmed down before trying to use reason.



About Val Boyko

Val Boyko is originally from Scotland and came to the United States over 25 years ago. At "Find Your Middle Ground" Val brings together her experience as a life coach, yoga teacher and mentor, to inspire awakening to the light and inspiration within us all. This blog is a place of exploration and discovery as we all explore finding harmony and peace, in the highs and lows of life 💛

36 comments on “* Quick Relationship Tip

  1. Now that . . . is excellent advice. H ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks H ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      • Do you think it wise to adopt an attentive, almost agreeing-yet-silent attitude – e.g. nodding acknowledgment – or would you suggest something else, Val?

        Liked by 1 person

        • I think it depends on the circumstances H. I would tend to disengage somewhat and let the dust settle. I was thinking of a situation at work when an employee got really angry about some feedback from HR. The HR person tried to explain it wasn’t personal, but the employee couldn’t hear anything while feeling threatened.

          Liked by 2 people

  2. Good advice, Val. 💘

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh and how true. There is no reasoning with an angry person. Great advice, Val!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wonderful, fabulous advice. Thinking very hard before acting, that really means speaking, is crucial. In turn, that means knowing ourselves sufficiently well to know our sensitivities, our ‘hot spots’. Our journey inwards never ceases!

    Well done, Val!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Love the photo, and the ‘get your butt out of it’ angle of this post Val.

    In my experience, having had to work with many angry people, it’s never about trying to get someone to hear ‘reason’. when angry, loving compassion works — but you need to be very practiced in its flow.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Practicing loving compassion in the face of anger does take mindful awareness and presence. Lovely comment Louise!


  6. Terrific advice, Val!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Can definitely relate!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Love the puppy photo. I learned probably from birth never to engage with angry people. i can get very quiet. I don’t hang around with people that lose their tempers. You are so right on about this.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Once, when trapped on an elevator in the courthouse with a VERY ANGRY person who was spewing venom at a judge who had just ruled against him while his “sister” nodded along . . . I broke the tension by grinning and saying:

    “You said the F-word.”

    He stopped his tirade, turned to stare at me, and then burst out laughing! It was great. The ticking time bomb of ANGER was diffused with humor.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. i think when an angry person feels listened to and validated, they tend to calm down. Great advice Val to keeps our butts and our “buts” out of the way of anger! 😬😬

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Makes sense – thanks for the tip! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Great advice, Val! But that butt in the picture is cute 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Yes, it’s better to roll over and show your belly.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Very sensible advice!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Carol Ferenc

    Great advice, Val. Thanks for the tip!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. wise, wise, wise advice!!

    Liked by 1 person

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