Quick Relationship Tip

Its fun to look back and find the right advice on my blog.  Enjoy this re-post!
doggie butt

Don’t put your “but” in the face of an angry person.

Angry people are in a triggered reactive state.

The ability to listen or think logically diminishes with the rise of  strong emotions.

The animal or limbic brain takes over control from the reasoning pre-frontal cortex.

Evidence also shows that when we grip our jaw, we are less able to listen through our ears.

Be careful of those buts.

Wait until the person has calmed down before trying to use reason.

 

 

* Quick Relationship Tip

doggie butt

Don’t put your “but” in the face of an angry person.

Angry people are in a triggered reactive state.

The ability to listen or think logically diminishes with the rise of  strong emotions.

The animal or limbic brain takes over control from the reasoning pre-frontal cortex.

Evidence also shows that when we grip our jaw, we are less able to listen through our ears.

Be careful of those buts.

Wait until the person has calmed down before trying to use reason.

 

 

* W.A.I.T. ?

I love to work with people on becoming better communicators. The key, of course, is to learn to really listen – becoming engaged listeners and tuning into the other person, rather than letting our own thoughts take us away from the moment and distract us.

But before we even get to this step, there is one vital piece of wisdom to absorb.

When we are talking we are not listening.

Talking in meetings

So, the question to ask yourself is :  Why Am I Talking?…

Have you ever considered why you are talking? It is usually more that sharing valuable information that’s for sure!
Next time you notice you are talking, consider these questions:

  • Am I trying to release something that’s bottled up?
  • Am I trying to persuade someone to my point of view?
  • Is it a habit?
  • Am I trying to work through something out loud?
  • Do I have an unmet personal need that I am trying to get met? For example: a need for validation, attention, love, approval, recognition or to be right.
  • Do I find talking entertaining?
  • Am I uncomfortable with silence?
  • Do I believe that people really need all the information I am providing, that I am being helpful or teaching something?

To explore more, you may want to write W.A.I.T.? on a post-it note before your next meeting and notice what comes up for you.

When we become aware of our talking, we are in a better position to choose whether we want to continue or not. Enjoy tuning in to yourself this week.. and this video.

* Recognizing your Judge

It can sometimes be tricky recognizing our own judge. When we see a situation our mind tends to leap ahead to interpret and evaluate what’s going on. Its part of being human. Our brain automatically sifts and filters information and comes to a quick conclusion. This is helpful when we are facing danger, but in every day life it can cause miscommunication and conflict.

seeing clearly

One way to recognize our judge (or someone else’s) is to look out for exaggeration or blanket statements. Can you see the difference between these statements?

“He is always late” rather than “This is the second time I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes.”

“One day you’ll fall and hurt yourself” rather than “I’m fearful that you will fall and hurt yourself.”

“She never does what I want” rather than “On the last 3 occasions I have done what she wanted to do.”

“You have no clue about what matters” rather than “I have a different point of view about what matters”

“You work too much” rather than “You’ve been working 12 hour days all week. I’m worried its too much.”

It happens more times than we may even be aware of!

Take a moment and consider … are you noticing or are you judging?

When we are able to experience what is happening – without judgment or getting triggered, we stay present.

When we simply observe, we let go of judgment and are open, rather than closed.

When we are open we can learn and grow.

The next time you find yourself in an interaction look out for your judging self. When you notice it, become the observer and ask yourself, what can I learn from this?

* A Message for you

message for you

In this journey of mine I have always thought that the main reason I blog is in order to express myself and share what I have learned along the way.

I am inspired to touch your lives so that you can return to your center,  connect to your inner wisdom, and find your Middle Ground. I believe that this is where inspiration, true transformation and peace lies.

The other day I realized that it is more than this.

Often I wake up with an insight for someone that I have met or spoken to or read about. It could be some one from a Yoga of Transformation Workshop, a yoga class, a fellow teacher, a coaching client, a friend, or a fellow blogger …

So when I post, I am usually communicating a message with a recipient in mind.

…. and it could be you.

This is also my way to feel connected to my fellow human beings out there!

I have lived a lot and learned a lot, loved a lot and laughed a lot … and I want to share this in the hope that it brings clarity or lightness in the highs and lows of life.

When I do this I feel connection with you.

And it fills my heart.

Thank you for all the goodness you bring to the world and for being such an inspiration. 🙂