My pain is self chosen - by michele cat
My pain is self chosen – by michele cat

We all experience emotional pain such as disappointment, anger and frustration ….. Much of it comes from the struggle when we want things to be different from the way they are.

If only they wouldn’t do that…

If only this never happened…

If only they would leave me alone…

If only … then I could be happy…

I wish I had a spouse like yours, a house like yours, a job like yours … then things would be better…

We learn how to deal with pain when we are very young, and from those around us as we grow up. As adults we continue to deal with it in the same way, until we realize there may be a different way of dealing with it that can lead to real healing and feeling better.

It isn’t good or bad, its all part of the highs and lows of life.

Suffering comes when we add evaluations and judgments to our thinking. We create stories about a situation. Not only does this cause us mental struggle, but it can also show up in our bodies as tension and sometimes physical pain.

This is a powerful excerpt from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

Just as the stone of the fruit must break, so that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

And if you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy.

If you accept the seasons of your heart, as you have always accepted the four seasons, you would watch with serenity the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.

Therefore, trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen.


About Val Boyko

Val Boyko is originally from Scotland and came to the United States over 25 years ago. At "Find Your Middle Ground" Val brings together her experience as a life coach, yoga teacher and mentor, to inspire awakening to the light and inspiration within us all. This blog is a place of exploration and discovery as we all explore finding harmony and peace, in the highs and lows of life 💛

31 comments on “* Understanding our Pain

  1. Val, this other person’s perceptions does influence our own view of ourselves. Kahlil Gibran wrote this meaningful message and I appreciate how you added yours, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for that Val. Last night I was having difficulty sleeping due to back pain and I remembered your post about the obstacle being the path (can’t remember your exact words). So I settled into the pain and sat with it and it eased considerably to my surprise!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Lorraine for sharing this! We often add more suffering with our thinking about what we are experiencing. I hope your back eases and you find relief. Xo

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I needed this post today. Thank you! 💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

  4. A powerful and moving post…thanks!


  5. Good thoughts, Val.

    Pain often signals that our thoughts are resisting the “what is” ~> if, instead, we accept the “what is” with “cheerful indifference” . . . the pain disappears. And we find that the key to our happiness is back in our own pocket.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Love Kahlil Gibran. Such wisdom. Thanks Val. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Judgments. Right there. The root of much.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wonderful words to start a new week. Thanks, Val!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Comparison is the thief of joy and I’ve worked hard to stop bringing pain into my life by removing all of the joy!! This was great Val, thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. True! pain is such a powerful window to wisdom …

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Thank you for your comment and your wisdom 💛


  12. Such a beautiful Gibran quote! Thanks for sharing it, Val.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Hi Val, I can totally relate to this. The pain is also physical and working on it can also ease our health. Great information you’ve shared here. The quote is so deep and profound, I had to read it a few times over to really appreciate the message. Thanks for the inspiration!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. This is poignant, Val, and much appreciated. And I read it today, after some painful news, so how very perfect your words, and Kahlil Gibran’s words have been for me. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Val the pain visits me daily, its called Autism it has shaped my world. The other week I had time out and I realised I have almost accepted the stress and frustration that comes with it. Like its every bodies normal, but it is not and so the way I choose to deal with it is to be grateful for the small wins and the smallest of peaceful moments. Acceptance is hard and trying to not think too far into my son’s future is very hard. Its a work in progress this being human.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can only imagine how hard this is Kath. A good friend of mine has an autistic son- now aged 23. It has been a difficult journey for them all … but also one of gratitude for the peaceful moments and little changes along the way. I remember him saying there was such sense of loss at the beginning. Grieving for what might have been. Let yourself grief in order to accept and fully love what is. Sending you a virtual hug 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Thanks Val I try not to think of what might have been. My son says he does not want to change his autism it makes him who he is. We have embraced his differences. he says what he would like to change is his sensitive hearing or give it to other kids for a day so they can see why he gets so anxious. He really does help us see outside the box and celebrate being different Val. Have a great day.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Pingback: * Understanding our Pain — Find Your Middle Ground believe me i got hell on my hand trying to keep kool – brothermurrayworld

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