Find Your Middle Ground
Life is a series of highs and lows. Be grateful in the highs. Be graceful in the lows. Find contentment in your Middle Ground
* Asking for help
It takes courage to admit that we are struggling and to ask for help.
We often think that admitting struggle is a sign of weakness, yet it happens to all of us. We all get overwhelmed sometimes. We all experience the highs and lows of life.
We all need help sometimes.
Acknowledging this, is not a sign of weakness, but is rather a sign of acceptance and humility. We recognize that we are not perfect, and are simply human. We all need each other.
To deny that we need help is to deny reality. To choose not to ask for it, is a choice that comes from a false sense of who we “should” be.
It can be hard to let go of this ego thinking, yet the good news is that people really do care.
If someone you know is hurting, would you offer your support? If someone you know got into a tough situation, and they ask you for help, would you give it? I expect you would, because you have been there too.
It takes courage to open our hearts to being vulnerable and letting go of ego thinking and judgments.
If you are carrying more than you can handle right now then take heart, ask for help and let someone else in.
You are not alone.
It seems a peculiarity of the human condition that when things are going well, we feel a confident ease in our self-sufficiency and autonomy, whereas when things are going against us, the confidence dissolves, to be replaced with a sense of vulnerability in which we overtly or covertly desire to reach out to others, or for them to reach out to us. The question, as you so rightly identify Val, is whether we have courage to admit of our vulnerability to those others. H ❤
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I love this perspective and clarity Hariod. Thank you!
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I think it has to do with pride also. Asking for help can seem to make us appear less “competent”; in today’s world, everyone is expected to perform. The best help is the one given willingly because of compassion; to the innocent. Competition (in the work force for example) has forced many to deny help to others simply because of the risk that they might be replaced by the ones they themselves help. Unfortunately, being competitive means that at some point, one has to deny help to someone else in order to succeed. It’s almost like a law Val. Outside of the workforce, however, a sense of community humbles people down, and asking for help is a lot easier.
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Great perspective Maria. There is much more to lose in the culture of a competitive workforce. Letting down our guard and revealing vulnerability is such a taboo in many companies. It can be a lonely place to be.. and creates more isolation and struggle. Thank you for this share!
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Thank you for opening up this theme! You’ve said it all with “competitive workforce”. I really like your analysis and there are times when one does become vulnerable for whichever reason, we are all human.
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Warm and gentle post, Val, lovely.
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Thank you Jet for your warm and kind comment. xo
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I think it is a cultural thing. Fear really can take us down sometimes. But like you said, most people are willing to help.
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It does depend on the environment and the accepted norms. Thank you for sharing your with in humanity too!
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Offering help, to those in need, is one of the greatest gifts we can give someone and ourselves. Lovely post, Val!
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Beautifully said jill. Thank you!
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Sometimes it’s a question of not wanting to bother people with our problems.
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Yes indeed Carol. This comes up as well!
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A beautiful reminder, Val! I would offer support, and do, but I’m not too skilled in asking for help myself. A ways to go there…
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Thanks Tiny for adding to the conversation. Its always interesting when we note how we think of ourselves differently from how we think of others … the journey continues!
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One of my favorite sayings, you are not alone xoxo
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I am not surprised dear Yvonne! ❤️
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between teachers, friends
counselors, lawyers, critics
I’ve got all the characters
needed for assistance
when I ask 🙂
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What a loving and supportive environment to be a part of David 💛
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Love this Val. I have trouble asking for help. I suspect I learned it from my parents. My dad told me the other day that when they first got to Canada there were times that they went hungry. They could have received help from the local church, but my dad, a non believer, felt that would be hypocritical, so he didn’t ask. It was more pride with them I think.
Most recently, he asked me if I had seen the new Canadian quarters with the Canadian flag on them, and I said yes, I had some. He’s a collector and was having trouble finding them and ask me to send them to him. I was so excited that I immediately taped them into a card and dropped it in a mail box the minute I got off the phone. Later when I thought about it, I was thrilled because I could finally do something for him and he specifically asked me!<3
Diana xo
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Great story Diana! It is such a gift when we can help isn’t it!
Xo
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So true. Once upon a time, communities were closer knit and it was easier to ask for help – or even see that someone needed it. It’s a lot harder nowadays…
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It’s is harder now Fiona … We believe in self reliance, when it is easier for people with the truth is we rely on others . Community and caring for each other has taken a back seat in many places. Thanks for adding to the conversation. xo
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Sometimes it’s hard even to realize when we need help, if we’ve gotten used to carrying so much on our own that struggling seems normal. Then it’s not so much a fear of admitting weakness, but a loss of perspective.
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I like your perspective Meg … pun intended 😉 When we lose it, its hard to find reality again.
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Its hard asking for help sometimes…yet it works.
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Such a simple and profound reminder Elizabeth!
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This was a hard lesson for me that I learned later in life, I became a single mom and thought I had to do it all on my own to prove that I could. It’s only been in the last couple of years or so that I can see the strength in asking for help!
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Proving to ourselves and others can make us become myopic over time. So glad you found new insight Kate 🙂
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These days, I hesitate to jump in and “fix things” for others . . . because the overriding implication is that they are not adequate to the task at hand.
And that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy in time.
We want to aim for the “middle ground” ~> offering help in the right amount at the right time in the right way for the right reason.
I’ve gotten better at encouraging others to exercise their problem solving muscles rather than just tossing their problems into my lap by asking, “If I’m Plan A . . . what’s Plan B?”
Sometimes we help the most by encouraging others to help themselves.
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Lots of wisdom here Nancy! Sounds familiar too 🙂
By writing this post I’ve noticed people reaching out and asking for help. Its a good thing when we can be there for others, ask questions and listen. In that way we support them in finding their own answers.
xo
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So true. Most people, proud people especially, wait too long and it’s more difficult. I find that the most useful help is just listening.
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Being there and listening is truly powerful and empowering Kate! Thanks for adding your perspective.
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What a lovely reminder of this valuable lesson and the photos are spot on!
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Thanks Carol for being a part of this conversation!
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A great reminder to us all. I learned this lesson over many years Val. People really do want to be asked and are happy to help and support our needs, we just need to have the courage to speak up.
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Thank you Karen for sharing here 💛
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Good reminder, Val. We need each other and I think it comes down to trust and that old ego of pride.
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Thank you sharing here Michelle!
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Excellent advice but for some it is so hard to ask for help.. as if asking denoted weakness. I always tell my daughters, asking for help is a sign of strength and the knowledge that things can get better. Glad I found this blog. I am following. Your voice resonates.
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Thank you Debby. Glad you are here 💛
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The more we can open our arms, the more we can let in. When dogs know they are trusted by someone, they roll on their backs seeking a tummy rub. Wonderful post, Val.
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I’m rolling over Paul! Thank you 😊
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I should add to my previous reply that dogs will also sleep close to you on your bed when your wife is away! (As I write this there’s Cleo, Sweeny, Hazel and Pedy asleep by me!)
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Then don’t forget Brian Sewell’s lovely book Paul: ‘Sleeping With Dogs’.
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You are so right Val. It is not always easy to ask for help, but by trying we can learn.
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Thank you Irene. There is learning here 💛
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Val — I used the link on Joan’s blog post to travel back in time a bit. I’m sure glad I did. Great post!
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Thank you for finding your way here Laurie, and for your kind words 💛
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