So many of life’s experiences challenge us and give us the opportunity to learn and grow – especially in relationship to others and getting to know our authentic selves. As we grow in awareness, we take responsibility for all our experiences and our feelings. With patience and practice we stop blaming others and learn to look inside ourselves instead, with curiosity and compassion.

power struggle

This is the first step in being able to forgive. In order to truly forgive an other we must  take responsibility for our own feelings. We have to own how we feel and acknowledge all that is going on inside of us.

Although someone else has said or done something that distresses us, these are our feelings.

The action of the other has triggered a tender vulnerable part of us. When we become reactive and defensive, we lose touch with the real issue (what we are feeling) and it becomes all about them.

This triggered reaction is part of our survival mechanism. Yet it is our ego and smaller self that defends and holds on to resentment. Our heart and higher Self only wants to love.

We can’t make anyone else change, but we can change ourselves. We do that by acknowledging what is happening, shifting our thinking… and letting go of the need to be right.

Owning our feelings is one of the most important steps in growing from an adult into a loving mature human being.

The next time you feel resentment towards someone else, bring your attention inwards instead. Ask yourself:

“Do I really want to feel this way?”

“What is really happening here?”

“How have I contributed to this?”

“What is my heart telling me?”

“What do I need to let go of?”

… “Am I ready to forgive?”


10 comments on “* First Step to Forgiveness

  1. I found it difficult to be open to this post Val. I never thought I would be in a situation finding it hard to forgive someone. I will ponder your words and see if I can move a little towards forgiveness.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wise words Val.

    Forgiveness comes through the willingness/desire to be free of the things that hurt us or hold us down.It is a daily incantation. I forgive.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good advice, Val.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. A tough one. I’ve forgiven the one in question in my own heart but I can’t lay myself open to hurtful mind games and constant erosion of self worth by someone who must be desperately unhappy to have this need to inflict it. I can’t allow myself to be a part of it for my own mental health. Make sense?

    Liked by 1 person

    • It does make sense Jennifer. Being aware of our own boundaries while being compassionate to others is part of finding balance in our lives. 💛


  5. Forgiveness can be difficult to work through but it opened my mind and gave me freedom from the heaviness of unforgiveness and anger. We are responsible for changing this in ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

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