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Back to Basics – Insights for Women Healers

American women in medicine

This is a powerful and touching story from Rachel Naomi Remen, taken from when she talked with a group of American women doctors about treating cancer patients.

” In the discussion after the talk, an internist commented that she would find this work difficult. She had avoided caring for people with cancer because a certain percentage of them would die and she found it upsetting to care for dying patients. “I hate it when I’ve run out of treatments, when there is nothing more I can do,” she confessed.
Others in the group nodded their agreement.

I asked them when they first became uncomfortable in these situations. The women were surprised to notice that they had not been as uncomfortable before medical school. As the discussion went on, it became clearer that we were more uncomfortable in these situations as doctors than as women.

As women, we knew there was something simple and natural in just being there, together. Slowly some insights emerged.

Women have always been present at these times, at death and birth and in many of the other transitions in life. Women have gathered at the transitions, as comforters and companions, as witnesses, to mark the importance of the moment.

One of the physicians talked about caring for her dying mother when she was nineteen years old. She had expected a great deal less of herself then. At first she had driven her mother to her doctor’s appointments, shopped for food, and run errands. As her mother grew weaker, she had prepared tempting meals and cleaned the house. When her mother stopped eating, she had listened to her and read to her for hours. When her mother slipped into coma, she had changed her sheets, bathed her, and rubbed her back with lotion. There always seemed to be something more to do. A way to care. These ways became simpler and simpler. “In the end,” she told us, “I just held her and sang.”

There was a long, thoughtful silence. Then one of the older women said that she too had tended to avoid situations when there were no treatments left. She had felt powerless.

But she saw now that even when there was nothing left to do medically, there were still other things she could say or do that might matter. Kind things. Ways she could still be of help. She had simply forgotten. Her voice wavered slightly. I looked at her more closely. This tough and competent sixty-year-old surgeon had tears in her eyes. It was quite amazing.”*

May we never forget the heart and soul we share with others, no matter where they are on their life journey. Be there and care.


*Remen, Rachel Naomi. Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories that Heal, 10th Anniversary Edition (pp. 43-45). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

25 comments on “Back to Basics – Insights for Women Healers

  1. Be there and care ~> good mantra!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Great reminder. Being there when there are no options left is when the patient needs you most.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. So powerful. It’s evidence that no matter how modern we become, sometimes the old and ancient ways are still aplicable. The kindness of understanding someone and the simplicity of just being there for them is timeless.

    It’s powerful to think so many women in medicine have fallen out of touch with their inner feminine wisdom. The ability to care for and support someone on their deathbed without feeling helpless.

    Thank you for the reminder of the great power in the small actions of kindness that we are able to show one another.

    You have moved me. Thank you 🙏

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I just witnessed my sisters death earlier this week. She opted for a medically assisted death after a period of suffering with cancer that ended up in her brain. The doctor was so kind and caring, reassuring her to the end. She thanked him and told him to keep doing this important work. He was there, and he certainly cared for her. I was grateful for him.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Powerful Val 🤓 appreciate you sharing ☺️💫

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is just beautiful Val and a powerful reminder to be present with each other, no matter where we are along our journey. 🙏🏻 Thank you for sharing 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Beautiful post, Val, about caring enough to be fully present for a person no matter where they are on their journey.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I have always loved that book. Thank you for the reminding me what a treasure it is.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Beautiful! What a remarkable and important perspective. Thank you, Val.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Rachel Naomi Remen is one of my favorite beings – so wise. I am always inspired by her. Thanks for sharing, Val!

    Liked by 1 person

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