This is a repost for all those struggling with pain and forgiveness. When the pain eases we can see more clearly. 

If I were to ask you “Do you go around inflicting pain on to others?”

Most of you would answer with a vehement NO!

That’s because the idea of being a mean person or a bully is simply not acceptable to us. We cannot see ourselves in contradiction to our beliefs and values. Its our protective ego that cannot face the possibility. It holds on strong to its belief about how we appear in the world… and what is acceptable to ourselves.

Yet, when we take time to pause and reflect, most of us do unintentionally inflict pain on others.
Consider if you have done any of these:

Not seen someone who wants to be acknowledged.
Forgetting to call.
Making judgments.
Getting distracted.
Being late.
Holding on to resentment.
Sticking to a particular way of doing things.
Acting out in anger.
Holding on to your beliefs.

All of these actions can cause pain for others.

We may tell ourselves its not our fault or we are protecting ourselves. After all, it may not be our intention to cause pain. However, the outcome is, that we do.

In the same way, we feel pain when others act in this way towards us.

How many times have you felt hurt by someone because of one or more of the above actions?

It is the nature of human beings to be egocentric and self protective. And when we are, we are capable of inflicting pain on others. We are all imperfectly human – no matter how hard we try to be perfectly in control.

When we accept this, we can begin to forgive ourselves and others. This is a huge step on life’s journey to finding real peace of mind.

Follow this link to a Forgiveness Meditation which will guide you towards forgiveness and peace.

After all, we are only human. Despite our failings we are also filled with love … and a capacity to forgive.


64 comments on “Inflicting Pain and Forgiveness

  1. These are great examples, Val. I’ve known several people who’ve held on to resentment for years. Although it does hurt the other person, I think it hurts the person who’s doing the holding even more. Good stuff here!

    Liked by 5 people

  2. soulspeak2013

    We must unconditionally accept and forgive ourselves..and in order to accomplish this I believe we as human beings must allow ourselves to see truthfully and BE truthfully aware of our actions..and embrace the broken bits of ourselves until they no longer are painful…and to know when it’s time to fill in the grave and walk away….with no judgement.. ….Such a great post Val….

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Very beautiful Val, and I am moved by your words and ideas. They remind me of one of my very favourite songs, and with your permission would include it here if I may:

    H ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Great post Val. I think that we are doing all those actings even it doesn’t need to be with negative intention. Our ego can feel like, we need to surrender to please all and then deny.
    It helps to be awake and learn to say No instead of hurting others.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Excellent reminders of what we each need to learn about our behaviours to others and to ourselves..
    and these sentences some it all up beautifully
    ” When we accept this, we can forgive ourselves and others. This is a huge step on life’s journey to finding real peace of mind.”

    Have a Blessed weekend Val.. Love to you as I go quiet for a while.. xxx

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Thank you, Val, for this eye opener. It’s so easy to minimize when we ourselves do these things and yet also very easy to be offended when others do them to us. It reminds me of the Four Agreements and the admonition to Never Take Anything Personally.

    Liked by 3 people

    • You have a wonderful point Sunny, that takes us into the place of not taking things personally. When we see that we are all alike, then there’s nothing personal in it. I must look out my copy and refresh myself with Ruis’s words!


  7. I read a piece recently that suggested we go in and out of remembering our connection to the divine. I thought it was a great way to look at it. If we realize we momentarily ‘forgot’ we can forgive ourselves and move back into ‘remembering.’

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Everything comes down to relationships. And if mindfulness, all the rage just now, means greater awareness of others then bring it on!!

    Liked by 3 people

    • I like this perspective Paul. Mindfulness brings awareness of ourselves so that we can be more accepting and grateful for others.
      Relationships begin within us!


  9. So true and well said Val! ❤
    Diana xo

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Sound thoughts, Val

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Do we need to forgive ourselves for psychic pain caused by egocentric thoughts?

    * If X wants something from us, and we give it to X, X may be happy for a time. Until a new desire arises.

    * If X wants something from us, and we withhold it, X may be unhappy for a time. Until a new distraction arises.

    But I don’t see our actions as the cause of their happiness or unhappiness. The cause, as I see it, is the thoughts they choose to think.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I agree Nancy. We are not the direct cause. As individuals we can rationalize that it’s about how the actions are interpreted by the other, based on their own experience and beliefs.
      However, it is human to feel hurt when our needs are not being met. We all want to feel loved and respected. We are connected in this way. Seeing beyond the individual brings compassionate awareness rather than remaining apart and “right”. xo


      • From my perspective, it’s not about being right or rationalizing . . . it’s about growth.

        The Ego is a toddler, often in the throes of the terrible twos. Giving in to Ego’s incessant demands just because the Ego insists that it “needs” something, doesn’t help in the long run because, once the Ego’s current “needs” have been met, the Ego will desire something else and something else and something else.

        What the Ego really needs is to grow up and realize that it makes no sense to put its happiness in my pocket. Once Ego realizes that happiness lies within, it begins to see through the illusion that it “needs” anything other than what it already has.

        Liked by 2 people

        • And until the toddler grows up we must be kind and loving towards it . Encouraging its growth rather than judging it for being still young 💕

          Liked by 1 person

          • I agree with you there, Val . . . but being kind and loving and encouraging doesn’t mean conceding to its every demand by giving it what it wants when it wants it.

            Instead, it means setting boundaries and reminding it that it should look within, not without, for what it needs.

            The pain of rejection at the level of Ego is often the catalyst for spiritual growth.

            Liked by 2 people

            • Nicely put Nancy 😊


            • Thanks for sparking this discussion, Val.

              When I read this post, it got the hamster wheels turning as I thought of all the pain I’ve caused myself (especially during my teen years) by interpreting other’s actions as not respectful or loving “enough.”

              Once I shift my perspective, the pain dissipates into the ether. 😀

              Liked by 1 person

  12. Another one to hit home for me … time for another rethink. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Love this post – and what a great list to help showcase that we can hurt others without actions just as much as we can with actions. Can’t wait to do the meditation!

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Beautiful post Val and so so relevant today as we are all busy releasing past wounds… of ourself and others. I am wondering if you would like to take part in my February challange and Erie about your awakening experience and where you find yourself in life now… The true stories will be put together and offered to others as a free EBook… Nice to meet you here and I do hope we can be friends…

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Yes Val we are all only human and we all fall short when we forget to live each day with an awareness. I was asked the other day how I seem to forgive those who have not been the best of friends and I told this friend that I break it down to one word LOVE. I try to love those who are the hardest to love and forgive them for their short sightedness. I was once there myself, happy that I am learning as I age to have more compassion and less judgemment.

    Liked by 3 people

  16. Beautiful writeup & stunning image.

    Please how do I reblog a previous post of mine? just like you did with one on yours

    Liked by 3 people

  17. Compelling. The image really strikes me. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 2 people

  18. feeling
    forgiven 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Powerful post, Val. In this busy world, it’s easy to overlook others and their pain. This is a lovely reminder to slow down, be present, and care. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  20. Such words of wisdom.

    Liked by 4 people

  21. “The weak can never forgive.Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi.
    Beautiful words, aren’t they ?
    Infact , here in India , a holy event & a festival of forgiveness called Paryushana is being celebrated every year. Right now , it’s underway ( from 7th September to 14 th September )
    So Let’s share our thoughts on & celebrate Forgiveness :

    Liked by 3 people

  22. Rabindranath Pradhan

    A very good post.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Another brilliant one! Thank you! _/\_

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Thank you, this was beautifully written. It’s true, forgiveness is a powerful thing. Yet I would say that instead of always leaning towards trying to forgive ourselves, we should put more emphasis into learning to ask for forgiveness from somebody. If we’ve wronged another person, we can only ask them for forgiveness. It takes even more courage to do that than it does to forgive yourself. (Which can easily be confused or turned into cheating yourself that you’re actually fine.)

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Pingback: Inflicting Pain and Forgiveness — Find Your Middle Ground – Unified Caring Association

  26. Thank you so much for the wisdom. I have some pain I’ve been finding hard to move on from and this gives me great perspective on it. 💙

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Godbless I have desame topic FORGIVE AND FORGET?

    Liked by 1 person

I'd love to hear from you ...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: