Inflicting Pain and Forgiveness

This is a repost for all those struggling with pain and forgiveness. When the pain eases we can see more clearly. 

If I were to ask you “Do you go around inflicting pain on to others?”

Most of you would answer with a vehement NO!

That’s because the idea of being a mean person or a bully is simply not acceptable to us. We cannot see ourselves in contradiction to our beliefs and values. Its our protective ego that cannot face the possibility. It holds on strong to its belief about how we appear in the world… and what is acceptable to ourselves.

Yet, when we take time to pause and reflect, most of us do unintentionally inflict pain on others.
Consider if you have done any of these:

Not seen someone who wants to be acknowledged.
Forgetting to call.
Making judgments.
Getting distracted.
Being late.
Holding on to resentment.
Sticking to a particular way of doing things.
Acting out in anger.
Holding on to your beliefs.

All of these actions can cause pain for others.

We may tell ourselves its not our fault or we are protecting ourselves. After all, it may not be our intention to cause pain. However, the outcome is, that we do.

In the same way, we feel pain when others act in this way towards us.

How many times have you felt hurt by someone because of one or more of the above actions?

It is the nature of human beings to be egocentric and self protective. And when we are, we are capable of inflicting pain on others. We are all imperfectly human – no matter how hard we try to be perfectly in control.

When we accept this, we can begin to forgive ourselves and others. This is a huge step on life’s journey to finding real peace of mind.

Follow this link to a Forgiveness Meditation which will guide you towards forgiveness and peace.

After all, we are only human. Despite our failings we are also filled with love … and a capacity to forgive.


Be Peace

“Be peace. Don’t just talk about it.”

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Take a moment to consider if you are you getting annoyed and frustrated about the lack of peace in the world.
And then come back to these simple and powerful words from Which That Hanh

Peace begins with our selves.

Make peace with yourself by giving yourself permission to rest.
Be compassionate towards your own human imperfections and judgments.
Forgive yourself. This is an act of peace.
Find your Middle Ground and connect to the inner goodness within you.

Help an other person to find peace. Encourage them to rest.
Show kindness towards them. Forgive them.
Nurture peace in your children and loved ones.
Work for peace.

Become gentle.
Be tender.
Be peace.


Refection – Being Strong

strong woman

I have become a Strong Independent Person. Its something that others admire. I also admire in others… and in myself.
This knowledge assures me, and it feeds this part of me. We have become quite attached to each other, SIP and I.

As long as I embrace this persona, and default to it in times of difficulty, then I find it hard to be vulnerable and dependent on others.
The dependent part of me I still judge as “weak”. I am also too ready to judge others who appear dependent and “weak”.

We all have a shadow side, which can be masquerading as our “good side”.

The ego is like that. It creates a story about what we want to admire in ourselves, and therefore what we see in others.

Yet, when the ego is in charge, it blocks off the heart and our ability to empathize and be truly compassionate.

My heart tells me to not be so strong. To allow myself to open more to others and trust in them and their goodness. To let go of trying to control with strength and will. To open to the inevitable.

May we all find acceptance of the shadow and the light within us, and find inner harmony.

* Come to Our Senses



Image from Google

“Hands grasp, but also give.

Mouth tastes, but also speaks.

Nose breathes, but also smells.

Eyes see, but also show.

Ears hear, but also balance.”

All parts of ourselves both give and receive. They function on the principle of reciprocity inherent in their very character.

If our senses are so noble, shouldn’t we be as well?

~ Deng Ming-Dao Daily Meditations

This did make me stop and think today.

Its time for us to come to our noble senses!

So much of life has become about grasping and holding on – to material things, relationships, thoughts and beliefs. In order to find a natural state of balance we must learn to let go.

This is not an easy thing to do. It takes practice to notice what we are attached to. It is also a practice to be with these observations of ourselves, and notice the thoughts that come up.

The ego-mind will reject the scrutiny, as it feels threatened to give up control. So as you pause in self inquiry, expect it to resist and find a “reasonable” way to hold on even more. Notice how clever the mind can be in distracting you from looking inwards.

May we all come to our senses and realize that reciprocity is not only noble but vital for the survival of us all.


* Ego is Like a Block of Ice

melting ice cube

So many of us hate our ego, our inner critic and judge. We want to get rid of it so we can evolve into more spiritual beings.
This inner violence (yes it is!) only reinforces the ego’s survival instincts. It will find an other way and grow stronger faced with adversity…. and the battle continues.

Does it really have to be like this? Here is an other approach that is cool and refreshing 💙

“Think of ego as a great block of ice.

When you slug ego, you play by its hurtful and pain-inducing rules. You bruise your knuckles and grow angrier each time you slug it.

But when you hug ice, it has no choice: it must gradually disappear.

Not immediately, no; but if you persist, it will melt, will it not?

This is precisely how it works to rid yourself of ego.

Hug it and it melts away.

And what remains is the oceanic freedom that is the pinnacle of human existence—the freedom to live, to love, and to be loved.

At a personal level it is pure self-love and joy; at a collective level it is a peace that can save our beloved planet and grace all the peoples of the world.”*

Dr David Mutchler

I have read many different approaches to dealing with ego on our spiritual journey. This is one that really resonates because it comes from the heart and not just the intellect.

How easy it is to forget that ego likes to hide in our mind and our thinking …


*Taken from

If this perspective fascinates you, and you want to explore more deeply,  I would highly recommend checking out the amazing resources at David Mutchler’s WordPress blog Evolutionary Mystic.