Do you point out annoying habits in other people?
For example, it could be someone being too controlling, or too loud, or showing off, or not standing up for themselves…
Whatever it is, in order for us to see it, we must have knowledge of it.
When we point a finger at someone else, remember that there are 3 fingers pointing back at us.
The next time you find yourself getting triggered and pointing a finger, bring your attention to yourself and ask:
“How am I that?”
“How do I do the exact same thing?!?”
“How do I NOT do it and wish I did more?
There is usually something worthwhile to learn about yourself. It’s very uncomfortable to begin with, to face the parts of ourselves that we are denying or don’t want to admit to. Carl Jung called it our shadow self.
Its a powerful practice to take time to explore what’s behind feeling triggered, and is usually done with the support of a therapist, to help us navigate the defensive ego-mind at work here.
For me, it has become a surprisingly fun practice to see how I do the things that annoy me most in others/wish I did them more. When I have the presence of mind to pause and see what’s going on, I often find myself laughing.
Try it out the next time you’re triggered and pointing fingers. Meet yourself fully and learn to laugh at yourself.
p.s. There may be a time when someone opposes your personal beliefs or violates something that you hold dear. The passion and anger arising in you then, comes from a deeper part of yourself, and is much more than pointing a finger at a behavior that’s annoying. There are wrongs in this world, and it is important to stand up for what you believe to be right.