There Are No Perfect Human Beings and We Can all be Assholes

“There are no perfect human beings! Persons can be found who are good, very good indeed, in fact, great.

There do in fact exist creators, seers, sages, saints, shakers, and movers…even if they are uncommon and do not come by the dozen.

And yet these very same people can at times be boring, irritating, petulant, selfish, angry, or depressed.

To avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first give up our illusions about it.”

Abraham Maslow from Motivation and Personality

This reminds me of fellow blogger Ann Koplow’s Asshole song from her debut Fringe show in Edinburgh.

We can all be assholes!

So what?…

So expect others to have their good days and bad days.

So give yourself a break when you are not feeling on top of the world all the time, or if you know you have been an asshole.

So let go of the illusion – the beliefs about how you “should” be, and how others “should” be.

Accept that life is a series of highs and lows.

And most importantly – be kind towards the parts of you that are in the dark.

Embracing Shadow Self by Rita Loyd

Embracing Shadow Self by Rita Loyd

Hugs to all parts of you.

The asshole in me greets the asshole in you.

Refection – Being Strong

strong woman

I have become a Strong Independent Person. Its something that others admire. I also admire in others… and in myself.
This knowledge assures me, and it feeds this part of me. We have become quite attached to each other, SIP and I.

As long as I embrace this persona, and default to it in times of difficulty, then I find it hard to be vulnerable and dependent on others.
The dependent part of me I still judge as “weak”. I am also too ready to judge others who appear dependent and “weak”.

We all have a shadow side, which can be masquerading as our “good side”.

The ego is like that. It creates a story about what we want to admire in ourselves, and therefore what we see in others.

Yet, when the ego is in charge, it blocks off the heart and our ability to empathize and be truly compassionate.

My heart tells me to not be so strong. To allow myself to open more to others and trust in them and their goodness. To let go of trying to control with strength and will. To open to the inevitable.

May we all find acceptance of the shadow and the light within us, and find inner harmony.

Pointing fingers

Do you point out annoying habits in other people?
For example, it could be someone being too controlling, or too loud, or showing off, or not standing up for themselves…
Whatever it is, in order for us to see it, we must have knowledge of it.

When we point a finger at someone else, remember that there are 3 fingers pointing back at us.

The next time you find yourself getting triggered and pointing a finger, bring your attention to yourself and ask:

 “How am I that?”
“How do I do the exact same thing?!?”
OR
“How do I NOT do it and wish I did more?

There is usually something worthwhile to learn about yourself. It’s very uncomfortable to begin with, to face the parts of ourselves that we are denying or don’t want to admit to. Carl Jung called it our shadow self.

Its a powerful practice to take time to explore what’s behind feeling triggered, and is usually done with the support of a therapist, to help us navigate the defensive ego-mind at work here.

For me, it has become a surprisingly fun practice to see how I  do the things that annoy me most in others/wish I did them more. When I have the presence of mind to pause and see what’s going on, I often find myself laughing.

Try it out the next time you’re triggered and pointing fingers. Meet yourself fully and learn to laugh at yourself.

 

p.s. There may be a time when someone opposes your personal beliefs or violates something that you hold dear. The passion and anger arising in you then, comes from a deeper part of yourself, and is much more than pointing a finger at a behavior that’s annoying. There are wrongs in this world, and it is  important to stand up for what you believe to be right.

Understanding Real Love

This is a re-blog of an earlier post… with a message worth repeating. 💛

real love - darkness and forgiveness

“Until we have seen someone’s darkness, we don’t really know who they are.

Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness we don’t really know what love is.”

Marianne Williamson

For anyone who has been a in a long term loving relationship , you can probably relate to this quote. When we  allow ourselves to be seen in such a vulnerable way it opens up real understanding and connection.

Now consider if you were to say these words to yourself:

Until we see our own darkness, we don’t really know who we are.

Until we have forgiven our own darkness we don’t really know what love is.

The world becomes a kinder and less fearful place when we forgive and love ourselves.

Namaste

* There Are No Perfect Human Beings

Let’s embrace all part of ourselves today, especially our imperfections 💛

Find Your Middle Ground

It’s time to give up the illusion of being perfect and accept our human nature.

“There are no perfect human beings! Persons can be found who are good, very good indeed, in fact, great. There do in fact exist creators, seers, sages, saints, shakers, and movers…even if they are uncommon and do not come by the dozen. And yet these very same people can at times be boring, irritating, petulant, selfish, angry, or depressed. To avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first give up our illusions about it.”

Abraham Maslow from Motivation and Personality

So what?…

So expect others to have their good days and bad days.

So give yourself a break when you are not feeling on top of the world all the time.

So let go of the illusion – the beliefs about how you “should” be, and how others “should” be.

Accept that life is a…

View original post 34 more words

* The Unknown Part of You

oneness

Awaken to the unknown part of you

That sits in the shadows,

That roars from the mountain top.

Embrace its cries in the dead of night,

The unfathomable dreams.

It is the yearning in us all

To be free from separation.

* Reflections

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are”
Anais Nin

reflections

Everything we see is a reflection of ourselves.

We can only see in others that which we have knowledge of, based on our own experience.

What we admire and love most in others is a reflection of the parts of ourselves we may not have fully acknowledged or expressed.

… We are beautiful and magnificent ❤

What we dislike most in others is a reflection of the parts of ourselves we may not have fully acknowledged or integrated.

… We are works in progress learning and growing through each encounter ❤

Are you ready to embrace all that you see as a reflection of  you?

* Where the Light Enters

This is one of my favorite poems from Ihsan over at iiThinks. This is taken from his book “Finally Back Home”. I love how these words lead us gently to the priceless treasure that is buried deep within us all.

shining into the dark

Where The Light Enters

Nature is a sacred text
Pages with the deepest Truths
Beyond all the outward forms
Lies the secret place of wisdom

Valuable things are buried deep
The ocean’s pearls and mountain’s gems
If you wish for worthy objects
You must brave the depths of darkness

Here is where the lesson lies
It’s the same with you and I
We must feel the hurt and pain
Campaign in the aching grief

Beyond all the crippling fear
Beyond all the violent tears
Unveiled is the greatest treasure
Nothing but your holy heart

So meet the dark with a smile
It’s a gift that knows no price
Priceless is the path
And each step that leads you in

Jaffer, Irfaan Ihsan (2014-07-20). Finally Back Home (Kindle Locations 741-743). . Kindle Edition.

Ihsan, Thank you for sharing Rumi today and letting us know you are well.
We miss you and your soul inspiring words ❤

* 4 Questions to Ask When We Get Annoyed

Recently, there has been some discussion going on between myself, Nancy at Spirit Lights the Way and Don at Candid Impressions. Its about what goes on when we  are triggered and get annoyed. I thought I would share my perspective and 4 questions that can throw some light on might be going on.

Judging shadow

When we experience discomfort, our basic human response is to look outside to see who is “doing it to us”.  It is a part of being human. We react and make a judgment about the other person. We may blame them, ridicule them,  put them down or attack them. We have labeled them “wrong” in our own minds. They are the “enemy”.

I believe that this is our ego’s instinctual way to defend itself and to maintain its vision of itself. The ego thrives in making itself look good to itself… and others.

Our ego’s role is to survive. Deflection and attack preserve the way things are. Preservation drives the ego. It’s always more comfortable being “right” than vulnerable!

When we react or feel triggered it isn’t really about the other person.

The actions or words of the other person have triggered something already inside of us.

If we want to grow and evolve, then we must take responsibility for our own feelings and become curious about what is going on within us.

It is our reaction. These are our feelings to explore.

Child looking at flower

I believe that if we ask ourselves the following questions, then we can get closer to our inner truth.

Taking a moment to pause and center yourself. Finding your middle ground and being present with what is alive in you, is the door to inner transformation.

Here is an example we can use to explore the 4 questions: You are in a group of people and you get triggered when someone hijacks the conversation and makes hurtful “humorous” remarks that puts an other person down.

1. How am I that?

This is the hardest and boldest question … as it makes us look honestly at ourselves. Is there a part of yourself that does this? Is this a blind spot you are unwilling to face?

Your ego may be shouting NEVER! I have never been critical or put others down! I have never grabbed attention! I would never use humor to bully someone else! I could never be like this! I am not that kind of person!

Is this really so…. With the wisdom of your years and perspectives on life … is this so…

Rather than denying this aspect of ourselves, be prepared to meet it. In doing so it’s hold on us will diminish. There may be real transformation, acceptance and freedom here.

2. How have I been hurt by that?

Have you been at the receiving end of this type of behavior. Perhaps you weren’t able to stand up for yourself back then. But you still feel the pain and injustice. If this painful experience is still alive in you, then give yourself empathy and compassion. Imagine you are like a loving grandmother comforting the young and vulnerable part of you. There may be some healing to be done.

3. What is the unmet need behind these judgments and feelings? What is missing for me?

When you react to this person, you wouldn’t want to be a person like that … but underneath it may reveal an unmet need that you have. Perhaps a part of you that isn’t being fully expressed. What could be missing for you? For example, an inability to speak up or assert yourself. Or a need for authentic expression. Or a need to be recognized by others?… There may be a valuable need of yours that yearns for attention.

4. How does this violate a core belief of mine?

You are witnessing something you wouldn’t tolerate within yourself. It goes against your own values and beliefs.

A word of caution here …. Note that option 4 is what your ego will always prefer. It stokes it and makes it feel good. It wants to be the champion and hero. Watch out for this one as a deflection strategy to protect itself from being vulnerable.

On the other hand, if it is a belief that comes from your inner heart and soul. Coming from love rather than fear. A core value that you live by every day. Then you are indeed seeing an injustice. Recognize it and choose what to do.

How can you channel this anger in a positive way? Transform it into powerful compassion. Use this emotion to make a difference and bring about what you deeply believe in.

So be mindful with all 4 questions … and listen to your inner wisdom and heart.

Be compassionate rather than righteous.

Be open rather than closed.

Namaste

 

 

 

* Simple Advice

“The advice we give others is what we most need to give ourselves.”

 cat advising kitten

 

Take a moment and think about what advice you tend to give others.

Perhaps it is to slow down … to not be concerned about what others think … to be careful with their words … to be kinder … to be more accepting … to let go.

Is it something you are working on yourself? A valuable lesson learned? Or perhaps its something for you to address for yourself …

And now its your turn … 🙂

 

 

*Musings on Judging and Thoughts

come to the present moment

When we find ourselves judging others … its simply a reminder to connect more with ourselves.

We we find ourselves analyzing what is wrong … its simply a reminder to connect more with ourselves.

When we worry about the future … its simply a reminder to connect more with ourselves.

When we ponder over past regrets … its simply a reminder to connect more with ourselves.

In our judgments and our thoughts its easy to lose touch with our hearts and the essence of who we are.

We are more than our thoughts and mind stuff.

Set aside time to sit quietly with yourself.

Be present with whatever comes up.

Connect with the life force that is always there for you.

Notice that your own mind is fallible and ignorant.

And that’s okay.

Its part of being human and surviving in this world.

Take time to come home to your true self in your Middle Ground

and keep your mind body and spirit in loving harmony.

As I leave tomorrow for Scotland I will keep these words close to my heart.

Please note that although I have scheduled posts to share, I will not be able to respond to comments…. or be actively following fellow bloggers.

Val x