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Most of us spend our time and energy trying to transform our experience of life. When things are difficult, we blame circumstances, someone else, or ourselves. We take on new things and make new goals. We may change jobs, move house, or get divorced, to move away from our circumstances.

We move away from the discomfort.

And we somehow find ourselves feeling the same way in the next job, the next house, the next marriage …

In this society we are constantly being pressured to focus on the external and to acquire things in order to be “successful” and to feel good about ourselves. The message is “you deserve better” or “this will make you happy”.

Instead of moving from job to job, wanting things to be different and wishing for events to change, pause and notice how you are resisting what you are experiencing right now. Are you telling yourself “I deserve better”? rather than trying to understand your experience.

It is the relationship with what is happening that is causing the pain rather than the situation itself. The relationship between you and the situation is one of resistance and frustration with what is.

But you are only changing the external situation, and the chances are you will start to feel the same again, unless you take time to look at what is going within you that is getting in the way of transformation.

What if our purpose in life is to understand our external experience and how we relate to it? or Seeing all of our experience as lessons in life?

When we start to look into our experience with curiosity and an accepting mind, we can bring about real change.

Its an inside out job.

Here are some powerful questions to ask yourself to bring about inner transformation:

  • How do I want to feel ….? at work/in my marriage/in my relations with my children etc. Imagine your future self and what it feels like.
  • How am I contributing to this situation? What attitude adjustment do I need to make?
  • What actions would support this? What do I need to do differently?
  • What support do I need to bring it about? What resources do I already have?


22 comments on “Getting Clear about Transformation

  1. So very true, Val. So very true.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wonderful wisdom as always!
    Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well said dear lady, wise words. Now if I could just take off my emotional sunglasses I should be fine. Its just the glare…honestly 😂 🤣 ❤️ 🙏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Always running from that discomfort, aren’t we? Thankfully more and more of us are realizing we’re tired of running 🙂 Because as Jon Kabat-Zinn would say, “wherever you go, there you are.”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Awake
    Alert Curiosity

    Aah . . . that’s better!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Another post of wisdom from you, Val. This one especially good because I think this year there are a lot more people undergoing transformations ~ and there are always challenges and opportunities with such moves/decisions. Take care ~

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Agreed – we need to learn that it is okay to embrace the imperfections of our lives.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. thanks for offering a different, more enlightened way to look at our current situation, Val.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Very true; wherever you go, there you are – and every situation should beg a teleological inquiry if we’re to learn and progress in/from our own narratives. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. So true, explained beautifully.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. wonderful post Val 🙂 Good deep thinking, and learning that if you run away from your present life it just follows you.

    Liked by 2 people

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