woman working girl sitting
Photo by Alexander Dummer on Pexels.com

This is a (provocative) post for women, mothers, sisters and wives. 

What if this is the time to let our sons, husbands, partners, colleagues, brothers, and adult children … find their own way?

In this stay-at-home working mother era, how many more times do you want to hear: “Where is the …?” “What have you done with my …?” “What’s for dinner?” …”What do we need at the store?”…

It seems to be such a habit for most of us to jump in to solve, find, soothe and show the way to support our males and children. We tell ourselves: “they need us”… “what would they do without us”… “we are good at this”… And we keep serving them and making sure their needs are met.

Isn’t it time for a shift in attitude and perspective? If you are tired, frazzled and feel out of balance, then the answer is absolutely YES.

You may be happy (to a point) to have your adult children home, but its up to you to set the guidelines and educate them about their role in this new family state. Reverting to the old ways doesn’t work any more, especially if you are the mother.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

“Am I contributing to old fashioned patriarchal habits from an earlier generation?”

Or consider “Why is it okay for the kids to disturb me rather than daddy when he is in his office?”

“What am I teaching my children about taking responsibility… equality… independence…  speaking up?”

This is an opportunity to create a new era of true equality and get Mankind and Childrenkind to step up to support one  another and the family.

To the women out there staying at home, does this ring true? Is there more pressure than ever for you to take on the role to support and ensure your menfolk and children feel comforted and loved? Are you depleting yourself by spending more time soothing and ensuring their needs are being met? And are you receiving the comfort and love that you want? Are you truly taking care of yourself? Are you getting your own needs met?

My heart goes out to you.

What if you let them find their own way and you gave yourself the time, space and nurturing that you desperately need.

Step back from taking care of everyone else. Instead of letting resentment build, speak up from your heart,  and come to a new agreement on shared responsibilities at home.

Do this for yourself. For them. For the new future ahead.

This is not about making our country like the past, its about building a new future, and it begins with each one of us at home.

 

 

 

 

29 comments on “For Home Bound Working Mothers … What if?

  1. Hi Val! I love this post as it’s so.relevant to the present moment! I hope that many will read your post as as Moms we sometimes grow lax in the boundary because it’s simply easier to do for them, but it’s time to allow others to do for themselves. Truly excellent post Val! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just don’t know how families can manage during these times, Val. I look back…and I look forward…and I am so grateful that my child is fully grown…and even sad to say that I am happy my Mom passed before this time. I could not have imagined that when she had to be moved to the facility that she would have been all alone.
    Sending blessings to you and yours…hope you are doing well!! ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks Lorrie for your thoughts here. We are also relieved that Don’s Mom died before al of this happened. Mine is in Scotland and independent at home. She’s made of strong stuff! Don and I are both well. Thank you for asking. Take good care. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s a wonderful time to practice boundaries and get good at them!! Great post, Val. It’s harder with small kids, but boundaries can be age-appropriate. The moms of 3-yr-olds may not get much work done, but it’s good practice for the future. 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s a practice for all of us who are feeling drawn to, and ultimately drained by those we care about. Boundaries and love to all of us 💕🙏💕

      Liked by 1 person

  4. These times are asking us to step out of our old ways at least Val. And hopefully find that confidence to take a step or two because of it 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Excellent post, Val. I may be single, but I’m a great believer in shared responsibilities.

    When I was young, I always ‘resented’ (if this is the correct word), the old-fashioned phrase that ‘men went out to work and women stayed at home’ as though women did not work at all.

    Even in many families today I suspect women are still attributed to the caregiving of children and the men are to be given a break as they may still be the ‘breadwinners’.

    The current catchphrase “we are in this together” should be extended to childcare in this time of pandemic (as well as into the future).

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Thank you for this Vicki. You are not alone 💛🙏💛

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Val, great post. A clarion call to women in these times of great change. We must change our stories in order to stand up for ourselves and in so doing to prepare the children for their futures of individual responsibility and self care and compassion. Well done. 🙏🏻

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Good thoughts, Val. More and more, I remind myself to let “them” handle “it” ~> “Not my monkey, not my circus.”

    Liked by 2 people

    • Not my monkey or circus is a great mantra. It’s hard to find the courage to speak up and bring about change.
      This is what we adult women must do for the future 🎈

      Like

  9. Such a good post Val…. I only had this conversation with my working sister who still runs around after her children even after three of them have left and now have their own families.. One Son still living at home taking No responsibility He works, yes.. But she also works, comes home to find pots in the sink, clutter etc.. We are talking about a man in his thirties .. Enough is Enough and it must be the energies also Val.. As she too now is speaking her mind and telling it like it is..
    Sometimes Tough love is also required..
    Love and Blessings my friend ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    • Tough love and so much more for the evolution into responsibility for the good of us all. Sending positive vibes and support to her for making a difference towards a new future🎈

      Like

  10. So true Val! 👏💚

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I agree that women, and moms in particular, seem to take on more than their share of responsibility. I’ll try to be more mindful of not contributing to that extra responsibility…

    Liked by 3 people

  12. My daughter works from home and I think it’s given her twins the independence and self confidence all children need.

    Liked by 1 person

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