middle ground Mindfulness Self Discovery Spirituality Yoga

Release the Need to Save People from their Problems

Release the Need to Save People by Sanaya Roman*

”You can dissolve obstacles to love by releasing the need to save people from their problems. You can love others as your soul does by allowing them to be responsible for their own lives.

Taking care of others, worrying about their lives, and solving their problems can occupy so much of your attention and emotions that you have no energy left to put into your own life and spiritual path.
When you stop saving others, you can release any resentment you might feel for all the time and energy you spent on them.

When you save others, you can become a victim when they do not use your help in the way you would like, when they continue to create similar problems, or when they expect and demand that you continue to save them.

Learn to recognize when you are helping others because you feel that they do not have the strength or ability to solve their own problems.
When you feel an urge to help people in a way that will “save” them or take away their lessons, stop!
You may find that your desire to help others really comes from your own need to feel better and to have less concern and worry about their problems.

Assume that people have the ability to solve their own problems, even if you can’t see how they will. While your soul is interested in assisting people, it does not interfere with their lives. It allows people to have their own ideas, to live in whatever way they choose, to learn from their mistakes and to achieve their own successes.”

“Sometimes pain and suffering are necessary. No one can grow for us.” ~ Author unknown

This has been a profound lesson for me on my spiritual journey. When we recognize that we have a need to rescue others, or need other people to need us, we don’t allow them to have their own experience and to grow as human beings. It also diminishes our ability to connect at an authentic soul to soul level with others.

The aim of Yoga is to bring the mind to a state where we can see clearly without distortion of the truth

In Yoga, aparigraha or non attachment is one if the most difficult observances on our path to enlightenment. As a practice, it is usually focused on letting go of material objects and not being greedy or grasping. However, it can also apply to our thinking and in relationship to others. With self inquiry we can start to explore the motivations and thinking behind our actions and interactions in the world. Some questions to ponder are:

Am I grasping for attention … recognition … appreciation… to make me feel better about myself?
Am I interfering or trying to fix other people in an effort to fix myself?
In preventing them from feeling pain or being challenged, am I keeping them from growing?

While we are compassionate towards others and support them on their journey, it’s important to honor them and their experience, and allow them to grow through their own self inquiry.
The need to save others can keep us attached and prevents us, and them, from becoming truly free.

*Soul to Soul (p. 114). Monkfish Book Publishing. Kindle Edition.

39 comments on “Release the Need to Save People from their Problems

  1. This is SO true! Giving someone the message that they have the capacity to solve things themselves, with you by their side, is much more helpful than telling them what to do. Thank you for putting it into words so well.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A deep thought provoking write-up. More people need to get this because they confuse sympathy with empathy. As you said, pain helps to grow . As long as we deny other’s pain, it’s not going to benefit us or them! Thank you for these valuable words❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your questions are spot on!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is soooo good. As a Libra, with a Libra ascendant, this was a big one for me as I started to the journey to myself (my spiritual journey). I’m going to share this with a dear friend who needs this now. Thank you dear Val. 🙏🏻💕


  5. This is so true Val and a great lesson to remember 🙂
    Every experience in life is either a gift or a lesson and we learn mostly by the last one ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh, but saving the world was so much fun…until the constant rejections made me realise I was not helping but interfering with a process older than man, and still holding my fear 😀
    In itself a lesson full of love. Do me first and the rest will follow 💜
    Great post Val 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Enlightening post Val 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. People don’t like to suffer and people don’t like to see people suffering and yet, this seems to be the way we grow and expand into our authentic self. Great post Val, it’s a lesson I had to learn too. 💚💕

    Liked by 2 people

  9. This is so difficult to learn, and accept, and then do. I’m in the transition from accepting it and doing it.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Perfect ⚘⚘⚘

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This is very powerful advice! Thank you, Val.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Very sound. Helping others doesn’t mean we have to do things for them

    Liked by 1 person

  13. “Assume that people have the ability to solve their own problems, even if you can’t see how they will. While your soul is interested in assisting people, it does not interfere with their lives. It allows people to have their own ideas, to live in whatever way they choose, to learn from their mistakes and to achieve their own successes.”

    ~> This is great advice for parents looking to solve their children’s problems . . . and not so spot on when children see that their aging parents are no longer capable of making sound decisions due to dementia, Alzheimers, etc.

    Sometimes someone has to step in and act as their advocates to prevent them from harming themselves and others.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I learned this the hard way. Helping isn’t always helpful. You can interfere with someone’s path when you do that in most cases. You can show them how to help themselves and then let go of the outcome. Perfectly said here. I will probably save this as a reminder. Thanks, Val.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Very valid points! As a chronic “helper,” I really appreciated this post.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Wonderful post, Val.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I’m reading this just at a time when I needed to be reminded of this lesson. THANK YOU. What a release.


  18. Great post, always great to check our intentions in these situations. Very thought provoking.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Wonderful post, Val. It is when I really dove into this truth and tried to realize why I HAD to help people, that my true healing began. I don’t have all the answers but I know once I decided that I was NOT THE BOSS OF OTHERS, once I handed back the control to those I love, that is when I was able to really dig and see what was inside of ME! I am not saying I am perfect. When you have tried to control everything in your life up until the age of 50…old habits can die hard. But I know that the answer to control is to control my thoughts…to control MYSELF! That is the only thing we control and it is amazing it is the only thing we don’t try to control when we live that way.
    I hope you are well. Now as mother earth has turned her face to Autumn (so fast!) may you let go of all you no longer need. And may you always feel love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Lorrie for your personal insights and delve into the truth. I am always amazed at how so many of us need to do this to break free from the past.
      Life is good – sending love and a big thank you ❤️🙏❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Joshua Tipton

    Thanks a lot, I needed to hear this. What do you do when it’s your spouse’s family?

    Liked by 1 person

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