Find Your Middle Ground

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Living the Way a River Flows – or Not

river flows

“I’d love to live the way a river flows carried by the surprise of its own unfolding”

~ John O’Donohue

Me too John. Me too.

When we are healthy and whole, our mind and body is able to adapt and adjust to what daily life brings.

However, sometimes things happen in our past that really shake us up and we feel we have little or no control. For people who have experienced trauma, the body and mind are forever alert, and often keep re-living the experience.

Trauma stays with us. Our bodies becomes sensitive to potential dangers and can be triggered into a fight, flight or freeze response. Our bodies are the holder of the memories that our minds cannot face.

For trauma survivors, the river is a downright scary and dangerous place and they need to find a way to have some control again. They are being blown off course and need help to stay feeling safe.

I am not a therapist, but as a life coach and yoga teacher, I work with some wonderful people who have experienced trauma in their lives. The key is to find their middle ground and center of being. For them, life really is like a pendulum moving from one extreme to an other. Learning to slow down and breathe, pause and reflect, is a powerful and empowering practice.

Thank you to my dear clients for inspiring me to create this blog and to help others find their own middle ground. 💛

Namaste.

Val T Boyko
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40 responses to “Living the Way a River Flows – or Not”

  1. Louise Gallagher Avatar
    Louise Gallagher

    And I am so grateful you are inspired to find and share balance in the middle ground here Val!e

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you dear Louise 💕

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  2. Rainee Avatar
    Rainee

    Thanks for your insightful post Val. I really got the statement ‘Our bodies are the holder of the memories that our minds cannot face.’ Powerful message.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Lorraine 💛 I’m glad this resonated with you. xo

      Liked by 1 person

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  3. Walking My Path: Mindful Wanderings in Nature Avatar
    Walking My Path: Mindful Wanderings in Nature

    Trauma affects people in so many different ways. The brains of kids who grow up in constant trauma develop differently, and it is a lifelong process to relearn about love and safety. I really believe meditation and modalities like yoga are so helpful, because as you say, the body is the keeper of the memories (often pre-verbal) that the psyche can’t address yet. Thank you for doing the work you do!! ❤

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Yes. Yes. I agree that Mindful awareness, meditation and yoga can be so supportive at a subconscious level … as well as conscious. Thank you Mary from the bottom of my heart 💛

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  4. Paul Handover Avatar
    Paul Handover

    Beautifully said!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Paul. We are all in our path to awakening and acceptance 💛

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  5. nrhatch Avatar
    nrhatch

    Being able to relax into the flow of life . . . without getting carried away by the current OR trying to push the stream . . . is BLISS!

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Such a wonderful place to be Nancy 💕

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  6. IreneDesign2011 Avatar
    IreneDesign2011

    Very powerful message Val. We can think and believe, that now we have overcome our traumas and then one moment, something will trigger our body and it starts all over again. I believe, it is a life long project to keep our mind and body busy with other things. Here both yoga and meditation can help a lot, also help to release those traumas.

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Irene for adding to the conversation and sharing your insight. For so many of us, it is a life long practice. Hugs to you my friend 💛

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      1. IreneDesign2011 Avatar
        IreneDesign2011

        Hugs for you too, Val ❤

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        1. Val Boyko Avatar
          Val Boyko

          Thank you Irene xoxo

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  7. smilecalm Avatar
    smilecalm

    wonderful offering
    of caring, Val 🙂

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you David for your kind comment 🙏

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  8. Eliza Waters Avatar
    Eliza Waters

    A flowing river is a good analogy for the stream of events in our life. I often envision floating easily, moving around obstacles, embracing and releasing.
    Thanks for another inspiring post, Val. 🙂

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Eliza. The ease of floating and going with the flow is something that I can envision too, and I think will work towards throughout my life. 🙏.

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  9. vanbytheriver Avatar
    vanbytheriver

    Of course. Lots of focus on the natural flow of a river, Val. Wonderful post to relate to overcoming of trauma. So well expressed here. Thank you.

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Van for your understanding and presence here 💛

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  10. Sue Dreamwalker Avatar
    Sue Dreamwalker

    Val, you always offer your reader a calm place from which we float down stream my friend.. Your gentle reminders, are ripples that go out in all directions.. They catch the sunlight, and reflect back beautiful rainbows of pure wisdom and love.
    Thank you for Being that river..
    Love and Blessings
    Sue 🙂

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Dear Sue. What a wonderful loving comment. I never considered Being the river… yet if we are all connected in the Oneness of nature and each other, then it becomes so. We can all catch the sunlight and share its nourishing rays.
      Thank you for shining your wisdom and love… and making me reflect 💕

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      1. Sue Dreamwalker Avatar
        Sue Dreamwalker

        Sometimes Val, because we are amerced within its flow. We do not stand back and see the beauty of ourselves.. And believe me Val, You radiate beauty and peace.. Love and Light my friend xxx ❤

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        1. Val Boyko Avatar
          Val Boyko

          Thank you so much Sue, for your gracious words … and for reflecting your own loving and light spirit. Have a beautiful day ❤️

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          1. Sue Dreamwalker Avatar
            Sue Dreamwalker

            You too Val. 🙂

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  11. Dan Antion Avatar
    Dan Antion

    I’ve noticed that even minor trauma can have a lingering effect.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      It does. It’s like it takes seed in a hidden part of ourselves … until we uncover it an realize how it has been impacting our lives. Thank you for sharing in this realization Dan. When we remember this, we can help ourselves and others 💛

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  12. Carrie Cannady Avatar
    Carrie Cannady

    Beautiful post, Val. So much truth in it. Many of us find our healing in helping others. The traumas of the past can hold some wisdom for us when we find a safe way (or person) to help us navigate the white water…so that we arrive at the part of the river that is softly flowing. Thank you for this inspirational reminder of who we are and what is possible. 💕

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      I love this thought Carrie – Thank you 💛 We are all navigating through our lives. Helping others not only nourishes but can also show us the way through the turbulent times. 🙏

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  13. Healing Grief Avatar
    Healing Grief

    That’s one of my favorite quotes. Unfolding into the unknown, trusting I will arrive where I need to arrive. Your blog is a beautiful flow of wisdom Val ☘✨☘

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you dear Karen for your kind words. May you enjoy the moments of unfolding to flow today 💛

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  14. garypens Avatar
    garypens

    Namaste!

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. Ann Coleman Avatar
    Ann Coleman

    I love your blog and the way you help so many others find their middle ground. And I think the analogy of the river is perfect!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thanks so much Ann 🙏 I love your presence here and the insights you bring!

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  16. D. Wallace Peach Avatar
    D. Wallace Peach

    Rivers and the banks that contain them are wonderful metaphors, Val. So much of nature serves as a teacher for us if we are mindful. I love John O’Donohue – my favorite writer. Thanks for the beautiful quote. ❤

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Nature serves as such a great teacher. I wish we were all more attuned to Her instead of social media and advertising. Thank you Diana 💕

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  17. Michele Anderson Avatar
    Michele Anderson

    So true.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Hmmm. yes 💛

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  18. private i Avatar
    private i

    This is just so so lovely and I just want to share it broadly. Therefore, I can do be an instrument in delivering the message. The metaphors from nature hold incredible power.

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you private i. Nature’s is such. Wonderful teacher and guide.💛

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