Want more stress in your life? These are my lucky 13 tips guaranteed to make you stressed out and miserable in time for the Holidays.
- Strive for perfection in everything you do. Have faith that the smallest imperfection or oversight results in complete and utter failure.
- Always compare yourself to others. Look for where you don’t measure up and remind yourself daily.
- Surround yourself with negative people. Aggressive people who constantly criticize you, are a great way to focus on your failings and keep you miserable.
- Aim to spend at least 20% more than your income. A must for the Holiday season!
- Shop at peak times. Always wait to the day before the holiday to buy food. In supermarkets hold your ground in the “less than 10 items” line!
- Remember your failures. Keep a failures log. Frequently go over your many occasions of incompetence.
- Breathe in “I feel grumpy”
Breathe out “I feel tense”
Breathe in “I am stupid”
Breathe out “I fail at everything I do”
- Win at all costs, especially when you are in the wrong. Remember there is never justification for compromise. Bully and ridicule the other person in defeat until they admit fault.
- With your partner, make up a list of each other’s bad habits. Pin a weekly wall chart up to see who can add up the most irritating things about the other person. Go over the list on anniversaries and birthdays.
- Avoid vacations. If you do go away, do your duty and visit relatives. Always make sure the office can reach you quickly. Take your computer, cell and your admin’s home telephone number – in case you don’t hear from her or there’s no wifi.
- Always over promise and under deliver. Say yes to everything. Commit yourself to impossible time lines. Of course, remember to do it all by yourself.
- Suffer in silence. Gain the maximum stress from a problem by trying to deal with it entirely on your own and always keep your worries to yourself.
- Dismiss other people’s offers of help. Show the world how independent you are. This is especially worthwhile when you are unwell. Always show up to work with a virus! The more unwell you feel, the more stoic you must be. Success is in complete physical and mental breakdown… and spreading the joy with colleagues.
To find happiness, review the above and do the opposite.