Its part of our human nature to become annoyed and angry when we feel threatened or things don’t go our way. Irritation and frustration seem to go hand in hand with the fast paced demands of life today.

We humans also have a “fight or flight” response when we feel threatened. It helped our ancestors survive when facing sabre toothed tigers. Nowadays, we can have the same response when someone cuts us off on the road, a colleague takes credit for a piece of our work, or we feel we are being treated unfairly…

Whether the threat is real, or in our imagination, the mind and body reacts in exactly the same way.  Our brains and bodies are flooded in a chemical bath. There is a rush of adrenaline and cortisol into the blood stream, blood is sent to the extremities and the heart, digestion is put on hold, muscles tense. We are ready to bounce or run!

fight or flight

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness” ~ Viktor Frankl

“You can’t stop the waves but your can learn to surf” ~ Jon Kabat Zinn.


Here are 6 tools you can use to calm the body and mind’s response to center yourself:

1. Breathe. At the first moment you realize you are experiencing annoyance or anger, bring awareness to your breath. Take several full breaths focusing on the exhale to release that tension and energy. Then slow it down. Making the inhale and exhale long and even.

This will help invoke the body’s relaxation response and give you time to access your higher brain for making a decision on how to proceed.

breath awareness

2. Calm Body and Mind. Try these calming techniques for body and mind.

  • Bring a hand to my belly, to encourage fuller breathing and to feel more grounded. I also like to put a hand on my heart to initiate a mammalian soothing response. Try it and see. Feel the warmth from your palm and allow it to calm and soothe your heart.
  • Bring a finger tip to your lips can also have an immediate calming affect on the body
  • To create a new neural pathway in the brain . You may also like to add a word to say or phrase on the exhale. For example “release” or “let it go” or “have patience” or “be calm”.
  • If you are more visual, then bring to mind the image of someone you love or a place that calms you. Have it on your smart phone, ready to be accessed in a moment.

Take a moment and reflect on what would work for you…

3. Release the Tension Our body also needs to release the energy build up that is part of the fight or flight response. Animals naturally shake off this tension after conflict, but we humans have lost that natural ability to release it. Moving your body is important. Get out of your head and into your body to deal with the physical response.

Here are some examples:stretch

  • Find a private place to practice sun breaths (full movement of the arms with the breath)
  • Stretch the body! Stamp your feet into the ground then reach for the sky. Imagine the energy being released downwards and then upwards.
  • Run up and down stairs
  • Get outside for a walk or a run.
  • Practice “meshing”. Visualize yourself as porous as a mesh screen. As you encounter strong feelings welling up (for example, anger, fear, resentment), let the feelings pass through your body. Observes the intense feelings moving through.
  • Pretend you are in a sitcom, and appreciate the humor in every absurd situation. The challenging times are often similar to scenes in a bad comedy, especially if they are of our own making. Laugh about it. Laughter releases physical tension too!

Take a moment and consider what would release tension for you…

man reflecting4. Reflect. With blood now accessing your higher brain you can reflect on what has just happened.
Where is the emotion coming from? Is there a history behind it?
Explain it to yourself. “I’m annoyed right now because ….” This reflection may be enough to detach yourself from the emotional reaction. Don’t be quick to judge, based on your own reaction. You don’t know what the other person might be struggling with, or what is going on in their life. If you are cut off in the car, it may be that that person really does have an family emergency.

5. Switch Perspectives. Be an observer of the situation. Imagine you are an observer and play back what just happened. Let go of judgment or getting caught up in your side of the story.

Be the narrator of the scene that just occurred. Notice when emotions come up and try to step back into the observer role again. Keeping a detached distance will allow you to find your center and balance. 

Try to see the other person’s point of view. Don’t be quick to judge, based on your reaction. You don’t know what they might be struggling with or what is going on in their life. If you are cut off in the car, it may be that that person really does have an family emergency.

water lilies in calm water

6. Have a Mantra or Axiom. Choose a go-to phrase that means something to you that will help you maintain this observer mindset:

Here are some examples:

  • Everyone wants to be happy.
  • This person is acting this way because he thinks it will make him happy.
  • People who are a pain are usually in pain.
  • Recite the Serenity Prayer. ““God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
  • Remind yourself that this too shall pass. Trust in time. What seems bad now will not always be so.
  • Lighten up. Things happen. Don’t take it all so seriously. What really matters here?
 Ask yourself “Is this worth fighting for” or is there something more important here.
  • Which is more important – Being right or this relationship?
  • Move from reaction to action. What part have I played in bringing this about? What can I do to make this better?

Take time and reflect on what would work for you…


Having a set of tools to use in the heat of the moment is really helpful, but will only help at that moment. Research has shown that having a regular practice of meditation helps us to step back and access this observer mindset so that we find our balance more and more easily.
 With practice over time, we will not react so strongly as we accept all our emotions as our teachers and friends.


50 comments on “Find Balance After Being Triggered – 6 tools to use

  1. Very good tips, am glad am following your blog. Will be using detached observer and mantra technique.

    Namaste ! 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “You can’t stop the waves but your can learn to surf” Love that one. Some great tips here, Val. I tried surfing recently over a family encounter, but the waves pulled me down. Passionate people with an overdeveloped sense of “fight or flight” stirred up a mess that has been long waiting to reveal itself. It happens. There will be healing, but it takes time. Thanks for a very timely post. 💘

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Tool 4 is the most valuable in my humble opinion. So often our irrational reactions to an incident are rooted in deep, often subconscious, behaviors set down in our younger years.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great tips. Breathing is so fundamental, that I think we forget that we can control it and that it can help us.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I swear there are saber toothed tigers waiting around the bushes. Good tips.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Wonderful set of tools, Val! Breathing always works for me as the ‘first aid’ after which it is possible to apply other remedies from this list. I just wish I had learned to surf those waves earlier in life, but better late than never, I guess 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Helen. I agree … Imagine the world if we all learned how to handle our emotions earlier in life. Learning this lesson from parents is such a hot or miss. xo


  7. Great tips Val. And it all starts with #1.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I really liked these tools, Val. I liked the modern touch (cell phone) tool, and the inclusion of what goes on in our body, as well as the advice. The first quote is also really great.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. As my youngest daughter and I drove to Vancouver for her sister’s wedding, we agreed on a mantra and a process to a) help us cope with her sister’s emotions leading up to wedding day and b) help her sister be calm and centered so she could feel the joy, and not the angst, leading up to the day. Our first agreement was we would promise to breathe, remind each other to breathe and remind her sister to breathe. And then our response would be, no matter what, “Yes Alexis, of course.” And then take it from there. 🙂

    It worked. The entire week leading up to the wedding and the wedding day were absolutely amazing!

    Love your 6 steps Val. Very powerful.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I like the ‘meshing’ idea in particular, Val, and in fact something similar is taught in Orthodox Buddhist psychology wherein negative thoughts (and desires too) are envisaged as objects floating through the mind – as if the mind were a porous mesh. Each object becomes trapped only momentarily before passing through and out the other side. It’s a wonderful visualisation and tremendously powerful aid to equanimity. H ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Hariod for sharing here. Meshing can be a powerful visualization, and combined with the release of breath, allows the physical body to let go of the contraction. 💛💛

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Good reminders, Val.

    Smiling my “small Buddha smile” allows me to watch the “what is” as it unfolds without getting attached to “being right.”

    My mantra (as detached observer) ~> Just Be.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Excellent post, Val! Definitely one to print…thank you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Jill. Sometimes the wisdom we want to experience takes more time than the amount it takes to read it. I like to think of being with the season and squirreling it away to appreciate over time ❣

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Great tips and I use them often. Love the quotes too. Borrowed them.:) Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Thank you for these tools Val. “Between stimulus and response there is a space…” So good to be reminded of that space.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Practice is the key! Wonderful advice. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Really a wonderful and usable post Val. We need to remember, that we are not our brain or our feelings, feelings come and go and our brain is lazy, turn over where it is most easy and comfortable. We really need to breathe deeply to find our soul and then calm down, before we even think at acting.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I agree that we do have a biological response to “threats,” even though the threats in today’s world aren’t nearly as dangerous as the ones our ancestors faced. And I loved the techniques for calming down when we feel threatened! Think how much more peaceful our wold would be if we all made a habit of deliberately calming down rather than giving into our fear and anger. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • So true Ann … If we all became aware of this pause between a fear driven reaction and a thoughtful response, the world would be a more peaceful place. Thank you 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Val these are such important tips.. Breathing, stretching, keeping our blood circulating and our minds calm.. loved the whole of it my friend..
    I am lucky in that I can easily visulise and practice often meditation where I go off on a journey somewhere..
    While I know you use Yoga, I use Qi Gong and find it empowering in giving us energy..

    Have a Blessed week my friend
    Love and Light
    Sue ❤


  19. This is so important for all of us. No one is immune living in a world today that through media and personal persecution (self induced, imagined, or from another) instills fear. Thank you! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Wonderful suggestions for everyone and anyone on the light road

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Interesting how a few of us are writing about similar things at the moment…there’s some very interesting energy around astrologically, with Pluto and Mercury moving forward, not to mention the two eclipses this month.It’s times like these that a regular practice really saves us. Observation, presence, breathing and yoga are what I use to manage myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Val, this is such a helpful post, outlining the many wonderful tools at our disposal. Thank you! 🙂 “You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf.” Brilliant quote.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Yes! I love this! These are great for avoiding burn-out in public service professions as well. As a School Counselor, many parents come to me emotionally charged about the most important thing in their life- their children! It is easy to take these projected emotions personally, but I remind myself and my teachers often that they are simply trying to advocate their children that they love (we all are doing our best with the tools that we have)!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing this perspective! Many of us are on the receiving end, yet when we respond with kindness we allow understanding to grow. 💛

      Liked by 1 person

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