* Awakening to What?

Most of us who see ourselves on a journey of evolution or spirituality, have a sense of awakening. But an awakening to what? I wonder if we all awaken to the same thing, or if we awaken to whatever we are ready to awaken to…

Whatever it is, when we find it we think “This is it!” But it is really so? Is it the final piece of the puzzle or just an other piece along the way that finds its rightful place?

pieces of the puzzle

As I reflect on my life there have been moments of awakening, when it seemed like my inner world and outer world launched into a new way of being. Yet, on reflection it is now clear that these have just been pieces of the puzzle.

As these pieces connected to each other, yet they revealed only a part of a great unknown picture.

Here are my reflections on my journey towards the unknown and the awakenings along the way.

Life Awakenings

I can only imagine what it must have felt like when I first discovered I was no longer merged with my mother. This experience is beyond my thinking mind. But I can imagine how traumatic and profound it must have been becoming separate and in all that bright light!

The next awakening was when I learned who I was in relation to other things and people. My ego developed as I grew into a separate human being with preferences and beliefs. I learned how to get what I wanted, how to be in relationship with others. I created beliefs about who I was as a girl child, daughter, sister etc…

Not long after this revelation came the waking up to feeling hurt when I didn’t get what I wanted, or when I was not seen in a way that I wanted to be seen, or when I felt abandoned and unloved. I believed that there was something wrong, and it was me. I wasn’t good enough. So I would try to be good and perfect.

This part lasted for quite some time. I continued to learn who I was in this world from those around me, and in the roles I played. I was looking outward for validation and love.

Then as an adult I awakened to the part of me that wanted to express herself fully. To slough off the conditioning and expectations of others. I started to look inward so I could find the real “me”, not through anyone else’s eyes, but through my own… Awakening to myself as a strong individual who mattered… Stepping into my own shoes and expressing myself to the world.
From not being good enough, I realized I was precious, unique and strong. I could make things happen! I took on challenges and overcame my fears. It was a period of tremendous personal growth.

Around then I began training to became a life coach. For the past 15 years I have worked with people to discover who they are as unique human beings who can overcome challenges and be their very best in the world.

Yet, this was not the end. From this place of confidence and expansion, an other kind of awakening started to unfold. One where I started to question who “I” was.

spiritual being

At a time when I was disillusioned the competitive, self absorbed human beings around me, I fully embraced yoga and took my first yoga teacher training. Unlike a lot of yoga trainings nowadays, our practice was more than asanas and breath. We had time for self reflection, read yoga philosophy, and committed to following the eightfold path of Patanjali.

Through yoga I became aware that my personal “self” was made up of my thoughts and beliefs. The world around me mirrored my own perception of it.  I had been creating stories about who “I” (this “small self”) was. I had grown as a person, but had replaced stories of not being good enough, with new stories about all I could achieve and show the world.

A part of me still got caught in patterns of self-doubt, fear and worry. I also had moments of glory and immense satisfaction and had glimpses of the timeless beauty and mystery of being alive.

In yoga I felt drawn to the belief that we are all connected and share the same Source or Conscious Presence. When one says “namaste” in greeting and farewell, it means that one recognizes the light shining within each of us.  This inner light is our true spiritual Self.  We connect to something more that our human body and thinking mind. Whether we call it God, the Divine, Brahman, Source, Presence or the Universe. There is a part inside of all of us that is connected to an infinite beingness, that words can’t fully describe.

egg opening

Egg World by Bradley Blazed. http://www.deviantart.com

Then something happened. It was like the outer shell cracked and the gloriousness of what was within was revealed. From understanding in my mind, I experienced a overwhelming feeling of love and connection with my fellow human beings, animals and nature.  A deep sense of oneness that is profound, no matter what is happening in the life. It is hard to put into words, because it is beyond words.

If I were to try to use words, it was be something like a veil had been lifted to reveal what had always been there. It is something that once felt, can always be accessed.

The aum symbol of yoga symbolizes this seeing beyond the veil and embracing an unchanging reality of oneness with spirit or pure consciousness.

aum symbol with meaning

 

Finding Your Middle Ground

Finding your middle ground is the gateway to this awakening.  The starting point is when we take time to pause and become self aware. We begin, by simply learning to slow down and noticing what is going on inside: our thoughts, judgments, emotions, body sensations …

I like to think of it as the phase of personal expansion and growth. Its a place of new perspectives, letting go of the past, and understanding and accepting who we are as imperfect human beings. We discover new aspects of ourselves, our passions and what gives us meaning in life.

From here, can come new insights into who we are beyond our beliefs and thoughts. Beyond our own small separate self.

With more compassionate self awareness, meditation and mindful living, a new way of seeing ourselves and the world unfolds. We realize that we are not separate, but are connected to something so much bigger, and to each other. We realize that we are not the master of the universe, but are simply a part of it all.

There is no right or wrong, because we know that it’s our thoughts that make it so. Everything becomes as it is. We stop resisting life, and begin to let go into its own flow. We let go of ego and surrender to being small as we connect to the Source of being.

Wherever we are on life’s path, we can open ourselves to new insights and awaken to a new way of expanded being.

As human beings perhaps our purpose is to awaken to what we are ready for, and to be open to surrendering to the next unknown.

What a ride!

These words from Mooji reflect this so well:

“What is the ego-mind’s fear of awakening? It is: Who wants a relationship with Miss Nobody? Who will employ Mr No-Mind? What kind of future is there for one who is desireless?
But I am reminding you that all these are the ego’s taboos, imaginings and attempts to distract you from your ever-perfect nature.
In truth, your awakened life will be magnificent, harmonious, joyous and complete.
Follow your intuitive sense of the divine within. Welcome its presence and vibration. Like this, your insight opens to fully recognise the real as your own Self.
The awakened heart invites and allows the Supreme to shine its light upon this world.”*

 

*Mooji (2015-12-03). White Fire: Spiritual insights and teachings of advaita zen master Mooji (Kindle Locations 232-238). Mooji Media Publications. Kindle Edition.

 

 

 

 

38 responses to “* Awakening to What?

  1. I love this, Val. What a beautiful journey. I see similarities to my own and wonder if this is a process that many of us go through as we age. We add the layers of identity like so many coats of paint until we reach an age where we begin to peel them away and away until at the end there is only light. I have a long way to go, but enjoy each step. Inspiring. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Good to read you in long-form, Val, stretching your spiritual legs in words. And yes indeed, the spiritual search has many ‘aha, this is it’ moments, only for us shortly to realise they weren’t so significant as we’d thought. Perhaps some of this comes from goal orientation, as it does seem to be so that we create a world based on our innermost and strongest convictions. I remember once talking to the spiritual head of a monastery and saying that I felt I had been ‘doing’ some of the insights. Actually, this is documented in orthodox Buddhist commentaries, how the mind can recreate moments of profound insight, and which may have occurred almost unwittingly previously, or perhaps even in former lives, according to some. I don’t believe there is an end point as generally conceived by the seeker, as that is almost to objectify that which defies objectification. So long as there is a seeker, let the path be a beautiful one – that is all. H ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • Long form feels somewhat self indulgent to me Hariod, but I felt it was time to share my experience and personal viewpoint. I have never sought an answer, but always been curious at what I can discover. I do like puzzles and wondering how the pieces fit together.
      I do appreciate your perspective and sharing of your journey. Thank you my friend 💕

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Well said and I agree. I think I am always in the process of awakening anew to the next bit of wisdom that comes. The trick is to be open enough to receive it. When we decide we have all the answers is when we miss the best stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree Diana. I’m sure you feel the connection with Dad and others who have passed into a different realm. Returning to where we came from is probably the final step in the awareness we have as humans. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a beautiful expression of your journey, Val. We all come to the realization in our own time. If it happened too early, no doubt, we would not be able to truly appreciate it. Thanks for sharing. Namaste. 💘

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Van for adding to the conversation. It really is such a personal journey.
      If it happened before now we probably wouldn’t think it was “too early”. That’s the funny thing. It’s just right for each of us in our own time. No evaluation needed 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you Val for your generosity in sharing these most fundamental turning points of your journey. I feel a sense of recognition, and I resonate with your Mooji quote: “Follow your intuitive sense of the divine within. Welcome its presence and vibration.”

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I love that your posts so often bring me back to center. Life and duty can be so distracting, and it seems that it is only in the quiet moments of rest that I can reflect and center. Thanks for that!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. What a beautiful share, Val! It is wonderful to get to know you a bit better. I love the chronology of your journey from beginning of this life through now. I love your philosophy, and share so much of it. I love the picture of the egg – so perfect with the words around it. Thank you for giving of your Self.
    Namaste
    Mary

    Liked by 1 person

    • So glad you enjoyed this personal sharing Mary. Thank you! It has been a moving and fascinating journey for me.
      Finding the right images was a lot of fun 💛

      Like

  8. Your story is really beautiful Val and thank you for sharing. I feel, that it becomes more easy to let go of the not needed feelings of all kinds, by age and by practice. We need to be willing to give up our egoism and willing to share with other souls. We are all souls and all have the right to stay here and learn, no matter what some souls do of strange acts.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Beautiful!! So close to my own journey of the last year and so lovely to find another one called by the same voice (Mooji) 🙂 – Shruti

    Liked by 1 person

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