You are Not the Problem

July 5, 2015

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Connection, Inner Wisdom, Lighten Up, middle ground, Mindfulness, New Perspectives, Self Discovery

“The central problem is not that

You think too highly

Of yourself.

Nor is it that

You think too lowly

Of yourself.

Instead, it is that

You think constantly

Of yourself.”

Wu Hsin from The Lost Writings of Wu Hsin

(This was long before John 3:30 and C.S. Lewis with their definition of humility.)

Is this really true? I took a moment to consider what most of my thoughts are about … and yes they are usually about me. What I need… what I want… how I feel… how I see things… decisions I make… things I have to do…

So, today I learned (again) that one of the best ways to lighten up and find balance, is to stop thinking constantly about myself.

Self reflection and introspection are valuable for us to learn about our inner world… but lets all be mindful about crossing the line from seeking understanding to self absorption… and ego bashing or stroking.

Why not join me today and give your self a break, by shifting perspective away from what’s going on with you.

Free yourself from your small ego centric self.

Wake up and embrace the amazing world that we are all a part of.

51 responses to “You are Not the Problem”

Jewels

Jul 5, 2015 at 11:01 am

This is good Val! x

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 5, 2015 at 12:38 pm
  
  Thanks Julie! Its good to get out of our heads … and our own way sometimes 😊
  
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Hariod Brawn

Jul 5, 2015 at 11:42 am

I find a good way of doing that is to ask ‘where is awareness?’, not ‘where is awareness directed?’, but where actually is it? What we find is that it has no fixed location; it does not coalesce around ‘me’, nor does it emanate from ‘me’; rather, it is non-local, and in seeing this, the self-centric focus dissolves. 🙂 H ❤

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 5, 2015 at 12:46 pm
  
  Beautifully put Hariod! In my experience, the first step is being aware at a self level. From here we can move from a state of “self awareness” to a state of consciousness… where there is no movement and direction. Its a wonderful question to ask. ❤️
  
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noellevignola

Jul 5, 2015 at 11:49 am

Mindfulness. The moment I get mindful to this moment and what is around me, I forget myself. Great piece, Val.

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 5, 2015 at 12:48 pm
  
  Thank you Noelle for adding to the conversation 💛
  
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smilecalm

Jul 5, 2015 at 12:47 pm

i didn’t think
the problem
was me, either 🙂

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 5, 2015 at 12:51 pm
  
  Thank you David. I can’t think of you as a problem either 😉
  
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  1. smilecalm
    
    Jul 5, 2015 at 4:15 pm
    
    your very kind, Val
    to set the bar high
    for me 🙂
    
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dianasschwenk

Jul 5, 2015 at 1:34 pm

Sounds like great advice to me Val! ❤
Diana xo

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:27 am
  
  Thanks so much Diana ❤️
  
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socialbridge

Jul 5, 2015 at 5:12 pm

Great post, Val. I think there are huge dangers inherent in the ‘me, myself and I’ syndrome.

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:29 am
  
  So true Jean. Thank you 💛
  
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Healing Grief

Jul 5, 2015 at 5:58 pm

Wise words Val. 🙂

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:29 am
  
  Thank you Karen for your kind words 🙂
  
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mk

Jul 5, 2015 at 6:29 pm

a refreshing post; thanks Val.

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:30 am
  
  Thanks MK 😊
  
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Tiny

Jul 5, 2015 at 6:34 pm

Great advice, Val!

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:30 am
  
  Thanks Tiny. Glad you liked it!
  
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David Kanigan

Jul 5, 2015 at 6:35 pm

so true Val.

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:31 am
  
  😎
  
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Kate @ Did That Just Happen?

Jul 5, 2015 at 7:26 pm

I’m going to be aware of my “me” thoughts for a bit and see what I come up with, great reminder. (And makes me think of The Princess Diaries and her acceptance speech!)

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:32 am
  
  Ah yes! Thank you Kate 💛
  
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Jenna Dee

Jul 5, 2015 at 7:56 pm

Good advice Val, I will try very hard to do this today. 🙂

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:33 am
  
  Thank you Jenna. I hope your day goes well 💛
  
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Paul Handover

Jul 5, 2015 at 8:36 pm

Don’t be too hard on yourself, Val! I’m going to float the idea that thinking of one’s thoughts is always going to return the notion that we think too much of ourself. Maybe an alternative is to deliberately set aside regular times where one can quieten the head. Such as meditation (that I’m no good at), or resting flat out in a quiet room listening to relaxing music on something like an iPod. In other words, actively giving the brain the space to ‘switch off’. All of which falls under the heading of do as I say, not as I do! 😉

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:33 am
  
  You got it Paul. Thank you! xo
  
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Linda Geraghty

Jul 5, 2015 at 9:51 pm

Val, thanks for this. It was extra helpful to me today.

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:39 am
  
  Thank you Linda. So glad you found this helpful today my friend. xo
  
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jacksjottings

Jul 6, 2015 at 4:44 am

Self reflection, to be mindful of our moods and emotions is helpful.
“Poor me’ and ‘look at me’ kind of thoughts are not so good.
The message of your post I liked the reminder.
To put ones self first has its place but balance and understanding are needed.

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:34 am
  
  So true Jack. “Balance and understanding” is so important. Thank you for your kind words.
  
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elizabeth2560

Jul 6, 2015 at 6:33 am

Great idea!

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:38 am
  
  Thanks Elizabeth. I hope your day is going well! xo
  
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Don

Jul 6, 2015 at 6:38 am

It can be very sobering when you suddenly see how obsessive you can be about yourself. Strange how you quickly forget that sobering thought and before you know where you are you’re thinking about yourself again. But then you start obsessing about how obsessive you are about yourself. 🙂

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 7:37 am
  
  I hear you Don. Its an easy cycle to get caught up in Don. When the obsessor obsesses over obsessing and the judger judges the judging. Luckily lightness and humor helps dissolve its power.
  
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nrhatch

Jul 6, 2015 at 11:15 am

Getting out in nature (walking, biking, wading in the waves) helps me move from left brain (analysis, judging, weighing, etc.) to right brain (being in the moment while sensing sights, sounds, smells, etc.). Music, cooking, painting, laughing, also help me make the shift.

Aah . . . that’s better!

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 3:41 pm
  
  With awareness comes wisdom .. and freedom 🙂 Great ideas Nancy!
  
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suzicate

Jul 6, 2015 at 12:25 pm

Sounds like a great idea to me!

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 3:42 pm
  
  Thank you Suzi!
  
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Eliza Waters

Jul 7, 2015 at 9:29 pm

I think this is why I like work that totally absorbs me…I get away from myself!

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 7, 2015 at 9:53 pm
  
  Good point Eliza… and when we get out of own way anything is possible!
  
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  1. Eliza Waters
    
    Jul 7, 2015 at 9:54 pm
    
    Exactly!
    
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hitbag

Jul 8, 2015 at 6:54 am

Val thanks for sharing this inspirational post. I believe that our thinking perception is the main key how we will live our life.

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 8, 2015 at 7:24 am
  
  Thank you hitbag!
  
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Sue Dreamwalker

Jul 8, 2015 at 11:07 am

I have been for a change putting ME first.. and trying not to feel guilty over the self indulgence 🙂 Balance in all things.. Ebb and Flow…

I so agreed with this paragraph
” Self reflection and introspection are valuable for us to learn about our inner world… but lets all be mindful about crossing the line from seeking understanding to self absorption… and ego bashing or stroking.”…..
Well said..

Hugs Sue

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 8, 2015 at 3:18 pm
  
  Thank you Sue. I’m so glad you’ve had a nourishing time. Its important to give ourselves space and love beyond ego 🙂
  
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  1. Sue Dreamwalker
    
    Jul 10, 2015 at 4:36 pm
    
    I am enjoying indulging for once in ME time.. and I have been enjoying Tennis too 🙂 at Wimbledon on TV..
    
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    1. Val Boyko
      
      Jul 10, 2015 at 8:19 pm
      
      Its a great time of year for indulging in Wimbeldon and some nourishing “me” time. Love yourself fully in the high days of summer 🙂
      
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annabellefranklinauthor

Jul 9, 2015 at 1:54 pm

Great post, Val. I always feel better when I can get out of my own way! 😉

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1. Val Boyko
  
  Jul 9, 2015 at 3:36 pm
  
  You and Millie both I expect! Thank you for stopping by Annabelle. I hope the new pup is settling in well 🙂
  
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2. Hariod Brawn
  
  Jul 9, 2015 at 3:56 pm
  
  Annabelle, I think it was Woody Allen who said:
  
  “The only thing standing between me and greatness is me” 😉
  
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● About Me

My name is Val Boyko, a dual citizen living near Philadelphia, originally from Scotland.

This blog came to life one morning in 2013. I woke up with these words in my mind: “Life is a series of highs and lows. Be grateful for the highs. Be graceful in the lows. And find contentment in your Middle Ground.”

Find Your Middle Ground blog started to explore, reflect, ask deep questions, share insights about awakening, and connect with wonderful people like yourself. Thank you for being here and being such an inspiration.