not black and white

When I was little, I was told how important it was to do what was “right” and not get into trouble by doing something “wrong”. Yet, as I grew up I saw that many of the rights and wrongs didn’t make sense. It all depended on the perspective and belief of the person.

When I was told that a terrorist is also a freedom fighter, depending on whose side you are on, I really got it.  It opened my eyes to seeing things in a new way.

Dualistic (either/or) thinking, prevents us from seeing the whole truth.

Judging is about determining what is right or wrong, good or bad. It comes from our minds tendency to think dualistically, in terms of right or wrong. We grasp on to this to keep us feeling in control and safe. In order to maintain a stable society, religion and the law reinforce this idea.

Yet, isn’t it even more important to see clearly, rather than to apply a right or wrong label?

When we let go of judgment and embrace the idea of discerning, we move into a place of seeking clarity and understanding.  We become freer to see things as they are.

Instead of asking “What is good or bad about this?” …  and being quick to judge, ask “What can I discern from this? What is going on here?”

When we detach from the belief of good or bad, and discern life’s multicolors and shades, we find freedom beyond the rules and conditioning of the mind.


About Val Boyko

Val Boyko is originally from Scotland and came to the United States over 25 years ago. At "Find Your Middle Ground" Val brings together her experience as a life coach, yoga teacher and mentor, to inspire awakening to the light and inspiration within us all. This blog is a place of exploration and discovery as we all explore finding harmony and peace, in the highs and lows of life 💛

46 comments on “The Difference Between Judging and Discerning

  1. It’s a difference many don’t understand. Very important difference! Good point.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wise advice, as one expects from this place. Such a contrast to what we see so frequently. As in judgemental reactions with so little thought being applied.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I so agree.. It often comes from which perspectives we view life.. And I have come to understand more and more the statement there is no right or wrong .. For there are many paths that lead us home.. Not all paths are perhaps the ones we would choose to walk.. But the journey is understanding there are no right or wrong ways to to get there…
    And those whose paths lead a darker route, ensure we seek a lighter one.. For we would not know one without the other.
    Love and Blessings dear Val..

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Advice I wish more would follow. Thanks, Val. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. soulspeak

    Reblogged this on Beaming Light.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It would be good if more people asked “What is going on here?” long before others feel they have no choice but to cross the line to where what they are doing is clearly wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. easier said than done for me, I’ll keep an open mind and hopefully continue to improve


    • You are right .. it isn’t easy. It is a journey that most of us would resist as being too difficult. When we see that we can make a more informed choice, we can embrace a different path. 🙏💛

      Liked by 1 person

  8. When I judge any situation I close my mind, and leave no space to see beyond that thought or see it from a different perspective. This is so true. Wise post Val 💕🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  9. There is nothing “wrong” with this post. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time Val – thanks! ❤
    Diana xo

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Wise words, Val.
    This is a thought process that has entered my mind since I had to give up full-time work 7 years ago. I now see the other side of many things I had been critical of many years ago. I now see street people and the homeless (through the camera lens & my walks) more from their perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Unencumbered by judgment we can enter this next moment empty of responsibility.

    If we judge something, say right or wrong, good or bad it is like attaching a ball and chain to our leg. We will fight to defend our ego (judgment)

    If we do not judge, things and people just exist, I think

    Great blog Val

    Liked by 1 person

    • If we can be the observer, rather than the judger, we allow life to unfold with its infinite lessons and openings for new understanding. Thanks Marty 💛


  13. yes… and that phrase, “What, is going on here?” Is the one that replays with me, many times. I still, judge. I know I do…. I just try to do it much Less!! This was such a wonderful post, I’m hopeful many will take on the attitude and willingness to try, to be less eager to condemn. 🙂 thanks for sharing! cheers, Debi

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Yeah, but . . . chocolate is good, right, just good, whatever your perspective? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chocolate is pleasurable to many of us, while others might have a preference for pungent French cheese. Both are pleasurable in their own way to the individual. Neither is good or bad.
      Letting go of the attachment to pleasure and our preferences opens up a world of discernment rather than judgment.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Reblogged this on talktodiana and commented:
    I’ve been doing a lot of reading on dualistic thinking and how it limits us, so when I came across Val’s post yesterday, I just had to share with you! ❤
    Diana xo

    Liked by 1 person

  16. So many people have a hard time telling the difference between the two things.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Love this discerning post, Val. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Pingback: Clarity and Understanding – Merging Traffic

  19. The only valid truth is objective truth. Chaos thrives in the presence of subjective truth. A person can rationalize any preference into truth. However;
    “Wrong is wrong even when everyone is doing it. Right is right even when no one is doing it.” – G.K. Chesterton

    Liked by 1 person

    • Such an interesting perspective Alan. Thank you. The christian faith has some strong guidelines here, that Chesteron also espouses. Thank you for sharing here 💛

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Val Some of life challenges I found very hard to see what I must learn. yet I read that if you ask what are the benefits from what ever you are dealing with, you will find your answer. You might not like it at first. Even when I have lost those dear to me I learnt that I must live my life to the full for them as well. But it took me a long time to come to that realisation.
    Life is a gift.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Life truly is a gift to cherish while it is here. I know that it can take a long time to be able to see the gifts from those challenging times. Thank you for sharing Kath 💛

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Great post Val, it really made me think.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Pingback: The Difference Between Judging and Discerning | Teacher as Transformer

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