So many of life’s experiences challenge us and give us the opportunity to learn and grow – especially in relationship to others and getting to know our authentic selves. As we grow in awareness, we take responsibility for all our experiences and our feelings. With patience and practice we stop blaming others and learn to look inside ourselves instead, with curiosity and compassion.

power struggle

This is the first step in being able to forgive. In order to truly forgive an other we must ย take responsibility for our own feelings.ย We have to own how we feel and acknowledge all that is going on inside of us.

Although someone else has said or done something that distresses us, these are our feelings.

The action of the other has triggered a tender vulnerable part of us. When we become reactive and defensive, we lose touch with the real issue (what we are feeling) and it becomes all about them.

This triggered reaction is part of our survival mechanism. Yet it is our ego and smaller self that defends and holds on to resentment.ย Our heart and higher Self only wants to love.

We can’t make anyone else change, but we can change ourselves.ย We do that by acknowledging what is happening, shifting our thinking… and letting go of the need to be right.

Owning our feelings is one of the most important steps in growing from an adult into a loving mature human being.

The next time you feel resentment towards someone else, bring your attention inwards instead. Ask yourself:

“Do I really want to feel this way?”

“What is really happening here?”

“How have I contributed to this?”

“What is my heart telling me?”

“What do I need to let go of?”

… “Am I ready to forgive?”

Namaste

10 responses to “* First Step to Forgiveness”

  1. I found it difficult to be open to this post Val. I never thought I would be in a situation finding it hard to forgive someone. I will ponder your words and see if I can move a little towards forgiveness.

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    1. Thank you Lorraine for being open to new awareness. ๐Ÿ’›

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  2. Wise words Val.

    Forgiveness comes through the willingness/desire to be free of the things that hurt us or hold us down.It is a daily incantation. I forgive.

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    1. Beautifully put Louise ๐Ÿ’›

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    1. Thank you Dan ๐Ÿ’›

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  3. A tough one. I’ve forgiven the one in question in my own heart but I can’t lay myself open to hurtful mind games and constant erosion of self worth by someone who must be desperately unhappy to have this need to inflict it. I can’t allow myself to be a part of it for my own mental health. Make sense?

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    1. It does make sense Jennifer. Being aware of our own boundaries while being compassionate to others is part of finding balance in our lives. ๐Ÿ’›

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  4. Forgiveness can be difficult to work through but it opened my mind and gave me freedom from the heaviness of unforgiveness and anger. We are responsible for changing this in ourselves.

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    1. Yes indeed Karen. It is inner work that releases the burden. Thank you ๐Ÿ’›

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โ— About Me

My name is Val Boyko, a dual citizen living near Philadelphia, originally from Scotland.

This blog came to life one morning in 2013.  I woke up with these words in my mind:  “Life is a series of highs and lows. Be grateful for the highs. Be graceful in the lows. And find contentment in your Middle Ground.”

Find Your Middle Ground blog started to explore, reflect, ask deep questions, share insights about awakening, and connect with wonderful people like yourself. Thank you for being here and being such an inspiration.