Find Your Middle Ground

* Choose your Thinking and Change your Life

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“Hatred cannot coexist with loving-kindness, and dissipates if supplanted with thoughts based on loving-kindness.” ~ The Buddha

Modern research concurs. We cannot be relaxed and stressed at the same time … or grateful and resentful …  or forgiving and vengeful.
When we bring awareness to the present moment we can’t be regretting the past, or worrying about the future.

Quite simply, we cannot experience both positive emotions and negative emotions at the same time. Try to hold both at the same time right now. It isn’t possible.

Anxiety and relaxation can’t coexist. Neither can resentment and gratitude. When we become aware, we can choose to let gratitude in. We can choose to forgive… be kind… relax…

So, the next time you’re feeling anxious, see if you can deliberately relax by breathing deeply, releasing the tension in your body and smiling.

And, when you’re feeling resentful towards life or someone in it, see if you can let that emotion go by focusing on something you are truly grateful for.

Come into the present moment, notice without judgment your thoughts and feelings, then choose from your heart.
It will change your life.

Namaste

35 responses to “* Choose your Thinking and Change your Life”

  1. Jill Weatherholt Avatar
    Jill Weatherholt

    Great advice, Val! Thank you! xo

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Glad you enjoyed it Jill! Thank you for being here 💕

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  2. Louise Gallagher Avatar
    Louise Gallagher

    And what a lovely change of life it will make!

    Thanks Val. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you for the smile Louise 💛

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  3. tiramit Avatar
    tiramit

    Interesting Val
    Ignorance (ignoring) cannot coexist with knowledge (knowing). There’s something I read about the wooden pins or rods, they used to hold the joints together in old timber framed houses, and to replace a rotten old pin, they make a new one to fit exactly then hammer it into the hole where the old one is, forcing it out. The new pin replaces the old one seamlessly

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      I didn’t know that T. Thanks for adding this practical perspective 💛

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  4. Tiny Avatar
    Tiny

    Great post, Val! While we cannot avoid negative emotions, it is important for our emotional, spititual and even physical wellbeing to let them go as soon as possible. And I agree, gratitude is a game changer ❤

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Love your comment Helen! “Gratitude is a game changer” is a great slogan/mantra for life!

      Liked by 1 person

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  5. socialbridge Avatar
    socialbridge

    Val, interesting perspective.
    It doesn’t quite resonate with me as I see life in layers/ different compartments so I could be anxious about say being in the dentist’s chair but relaxed about how a piece of work is going.
    I always thought others were multidimensional as well!

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      It sounds like you have the ability to switch from one state or dimension to the next with ease Jean. 💛

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      1. socialbridge Avatar
        socialbridge

        I guess it’s a bit like changing lanes when we’re talking Irish roads not ten lane highways!

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  6. D. Wallace Peach Avatar
    D. Wallace Peach

    Love this, Val. Interesting how the positive and negative can’t co-exist. What a great reminder about the importance of choice. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you D for sharing your insight here 💕

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  7. Dan Antion Avatar
    Dan Antion

    All the negative emotions end up draining us of energy. It’s easy to feel good, being angry takes work. Who needs that?

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Love this Dan! Staying angry takes a lot of work … I ask myself “do I really want to feel like this?” when resentment or anger shows up. It is the ego mind that class it’s to being right and righteous. 💛

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  8. IreneDesign2011 Avatar
    IreneDesign2011

    I love this, Val. It is our choice to decide to live in happiness and with positivity. We don’t need to stay in the bad moments, as we also experience, but without them we wouldn’t see, how necessary it is to stay positive.

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you for sharing this wisdom Irene 💕

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. IreneDesign2011 Avatar
        IreneDesign2011

        Thank you too, Val ❤

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  9. Healing Grief Avatar
    Healing Grief

    Our thoughts are always leading us. Making wise choices is what changes our perspective and outlook on life. It really is the answer, great post Val.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thanks so much Karen for your kindness and wise words 💕

      Liked by 1 person

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  10. Eliza Waters Avatar
    Eliza Waters

    Opposites distract! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Love this mantra Eliza!
      Distracted and incompatible … Not a harmonious way to be!

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  11. David Kanigan Avatar
    David Kanigan

    Wonderful Val.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      So glad you enjoyed it David 💛

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  12. Hariod Brawn Avatar
    Hariod Brawn

    Beautifully clear and perfectly accurate, Val. When we’re deeply concentrated and mindfully aware, we see that what we had thought was a multi-dimensional and parallel experience is in fact not so, but is instead a serial flux of discrete sensory datum. I feel sure you know all this, but for example, it appears, for all the world, that we can both see and hear at the same time, that the two senses come to awareness in parallel. In fact, there is a very fast oscillation of attention switching between the two. Think of an analogy with how a reel of cinema film comprises discrete images and yet produces the effect of continuity due to the speed of transition. In daily living, our consciousness is doing something similar, switching rapidly between the senses to create the illusion of a flowing composite. And as you suggest, the senses also produce moods and mental states/feelings, so no two of these can coexist in any one moment. Becoming tranquil and focused whenever possible allows us to see the truth of this, and we then see that your advice must be sound, whether applied when we are tranquil, or not. Brilliant closing line, by the way, as it will indeed do so. H ❤

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      I do like the analogy of a cinema film/movie in clarifying “the illusion of flowing composite”. Thank you for your humble brilliance 💕

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    2. Hariod Brawn Avatar
      Hariod Brawn

      Goodness, it’s nothing whatsoever to do with me, just how things are. 🙂 I think the analogy more or less works with consciousness (the mind’s representations of the senses), but not at all with awareness – taking that to be the illuminative substrate of consciousness. So, awareness is neither serial not parallel, as if arriving as a data channel towards some perceived point of centrality – ‘me’ – which is all just the play of consciousness as produced by the brain. [Probably gone a bit off-message here Val – apologies.] H ❤

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      1. Val Boyko Avatar
        Val Boyko

        Stating how things are is powerful Hariod. ( I live in the realm of Donald Trump’s influence)
        Thank you for the expansion of thought here 💕

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  13. Walking My Path: Mindful Wanderings in Nature Avatar
    Walking My Path: Mindful Wanderings in Nature

    Great post, Val! Thank you. I love being in gratitude. That is my go to state when I feel myself not being particularly loving or balanced. I can easily get there in Nature. The world is challenging right now, and this post, I think, is particularly timely. 🙂

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Mary. It is a timely reminder isn’t it, when there is so much adversarial affront and violence in the world. 💛
      I’m sitting in the kitchen looking out at the rain coming down. There is thunder and violence in the sky, but the plants open to receive the goodness that nourishes them. Such is nature. Neither one thing or the other, but accepting of it all.

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  14. Dalo 2013 Avatar
    Dalo 2013

    Words to the wise…”see if you can deliberately relax by breathing deeply…and smiling” Just doing this right now at the start of the day sets me out on the right path, beautiful.

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      A be if moment of awareness combined with action is powerful. Thank you Randall 💛 I hope your weekend is going well. xo

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  15. nrhatch Avatar
    nrhatch

    When stressed, I close my eyes and breathe in love and gratitude. An instant antidote for dis-ease.

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  16. Mark Kerry Avatar
    Mark Kerry

    Love this article Val. As a recovering addict, I hold onto resentment and fear with a vice like grip emotionally. So tiring and pointless, as awareness of what is happening around discipates. Keep up the good work.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thanks very much Mark 💛

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I’d love to hear from you …

● About Me

My name is Val Boyko, a dual citizen living near Philadelphia, originally from Scotland.

This blog came to life one morning in 2013.  I woke up with these words in my mind:  “Life is a series of highs and lows. Be grateful for the highs. Be graceful in the lows. And find contentment in your Middle Ground.”

Find Your Middle Ground blog started to explore, reflect, ask deep questions, share insights about awakening, and connect with wonderful people like yourself. Thank you for being here and being such an inspiration.

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