Find Your Middle Ground

Refection – Being Strong

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strong woman

I have become a Strong Independent Person. Its something that others admire. I also admire in others… and in myself.
This knowledge assures me, and it feeds this part of me. We have become quite attached to each other, SIP and I.

As long as I embrace this persona, and default to it in times of difficulty, then I find it hard to be vulnerable and dependent on others.
The dependent part of me I still judge as “weak”. I am also too ready to judge others who appear dependent and “weak”.

We all have a shadow side, which can be masquerading as our “good side”.

The ego is like that. It creates a story about what we want to admire in ourselves, and therefore what we see in others.

Yet, when the ego is in charge, it blocks off the heart and our ability to empathize and be truly compassionate.

My heart tells me to not be so strong. To allow myself to open more to others and trust in them and their goodness. To let go of trying to control with strength and will. To open to the inevitable.

May we all find acceptance of the shadow and the light within us, and find inner harmony.

29 responses to “Refection – Being Strong”

  1. ksbeth Avatar
    ksbeth

    may we all find the balance –

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Indeed Beth 💛

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  2. AmyRose🌹 Avatar
    AmyRose🌹

    Inner Harmony … a delicate dance, Val. I fought a long time being “dependent” on my husband who enjoys doing for me. He overdoes a bit and if he had his way would end up suffocating me. Um no. But, as time passed, I began to appreciate what he does do and acknowledge it’s OK to be dependent on someone as long as I don’t become so dependent I end up unable to do anything. Being dependent is beautiful in balance. To gain that balance, however, is where the delicate dance comes in. I LOVE my SIP yet my Heart is open in allowing another to do for me, knowing that is his way of showing Love to me. I’m also working on “asking for help”. Hmmmmm ….. Your show of honesty here today is commendable, dear friend. Stay strong and may your Light get ever stronger! As I see it, your Light is Beautiful as is. BIG (((HUGS))) Amy 💞

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Amy for sharing your own insight and perspective here. I appreciate your honesty and authentic way … and your caring heart ❤️ 💛

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  3. therandomblogofirreverentthoughts Avatar
    therandomblogofirreverentthoughts

    Nice blog post Val, very open and honest. We all struggle with these things from time to time. Keep and open heart and an open mind.

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you! Heart and mind fully open today 💛

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  4. IreneDesign2011 Avatar
    IreneDesign2011

    We are all vulnerable sometimes Val and good to see, that you also show your vulnerability. I feel, that when I hurt inside, I easily close my heart and try to find myself and the inner peace, before I feel ready to be open to others.
    I try my best not to judge others too, but it happens anyway. When it does, I do recognize it and know, I saw a mirror here and then stop the judging. By judging others, we do also judge ourselves, which is not necessary or needed at all.
    Namaste ❤

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you for sharing your reflection Irene. Self inquiry is such a helpful practice to bring us to compassion for own humanness! and inner harmony.

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  5. Paul Handover Avatar
    Paul Handover

    I first read this an hour ago and didn’t know how to respond. Read it aloud to Jean and she acknowledged that it was difficult to reply to. Then it came to me.
    That it is all about being honest with oneself. Having the opportunity to share the most private and intimate feelings. Made easier by having a real friend in one’s life. Made easiest of all by having a dog who loves one unconditionally and will ‘listen’ so patiently when one speaks from the heart to one’s furry best friend!

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      I love your reply Paul! I wanted readers to reflect on being open and honest with themselves. Looking inwards to see what comes up for them. And you did this so beautifully.

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      1. Paul Handover Avatar
        Paul Handover

        Thank you, Val. It was your post that did it!!

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  6. Jet Eliot Avatar
    Jet Eliot

    So well expressed, Val. I appreciate your message and the beauty of balance and being human, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Jet for your humanity and humanness 💛

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  7. Ann Koplow Avatar
    Ann Koplow

    Beautiful, Val. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you for reading and understanding, Ann 💕

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  8. Jill Weatherholt Avatar
    Jill Weatherholt

    Thank you for this, Val…it’s beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Jill for your kind words 💛

      Liked by 1 person

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  9. smilecalm Avatar
    smilecalm

    each of our
    mighty atoms
    holding strong
    kindly keeping us
    from bursting
    apart 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Love this reflection David. Mighty Kind atoms are good to have around 💕

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  10. Healing Grief Avatar
    Healing Grief

    Your honesty about vulnerability is universal. This is very difficult for men to do as well, and for the same beliefs that you have described, that it is weak. We all have a long way to go in this area, but the more each of us speak about this and share our vulnerabilities with each other, as you have Val, the more we will normalise it. Thank you beautiful Val 💕💚

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you insightful and kind Karen. May we shine our light for others along the way 💛

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  11. sloppy buddhist Avatar
    sloppy buddhist

    thank you for sharing this Val…i think about trust…staying soft and feeling…also appreciate the thread here…i think of you as a peaceful warrior from your posts…compose a beautiful day ~ smiles 😀

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Hedy. I appreciate your thoughts and kind words💛

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  12. Walking My Path: Mindful Wanderings in Nature Avatar
    Walking My Path: Mindful Wanderings in Nature

    Yes, that balance is so important. Good to be strong and independent, but not at the expense of your heart and trust. I remember going through a time of being afraid to appear weak. Asking for help, almost impossible. Feels better to be vulnerable and let others help. It is a gift for them too. Great post, Val.

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      THank you Mary. So glad it resonated with your inner being. 💛🙏💛

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  13. Janet Givens Avatar
    Janet Givens

    “The ego … creates a story about what we want to admire in ourselves, and therefore what we see in others. … , it blocks off the heart and our ability to empathize and be truly compassionate.”

    Beautifully said, Val. I shall make a special effort to allow myself to be vulnerable today.

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Janet for being you and your intention 💕

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  14. D. Wallace Peach Avatar
    D. Wallace Peach

    Beautiful reminder. ❤ Love requires vulnerability and vulnerability requires courage and faith. Strength and independence are different qualities to me, also valuable unless they are the tools of fear. So much to ponder, Val. Thanks for the wisdom.

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  15. The Thrifty Campers Avatar
    The Thrifty Campers

    What a great topic to be shared. It it true, emotions and vulnerability is blocked when there is an ego at play.

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● About Me

My name is Val Boyko, a dual citizen living near Philadelphia, originally from Scotland.

This blog came to life one morning in 2013.  I woke up with these words in my mind:  “Life is a series of highs and lows. Be grateful for the highs. Be graceful in the lows. And find contentment in your Middle Ground.”

Find Your Middle Ground blog started to explore, reflect, ask deep questions, share insights about awakening, and connect with wonderful people like yourself. Thank you for being here and being such an inspiration.

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