The Downside to Self Improvement

downside to self improvement

Photo by Julie De Waro

The mind that constantly seeks self improvement creates disconnection with living in the present moment … which is the only place where we experience life fully.
If we go through life trying to make ourselves better, wanting to improve, then we can miss out on living fully.

It’s a bit like searching for your camera to capture the moment, but missing the moment itself because you were looking for the camera.

When we focus on what we want to achieve in the future, we so often miss out on the present. And even when we reach the goal, the ego-mind will judge what we have achieved now and compare it to what we had before… or what might be better next.
We become preoccupied with thoughts about the past and future and forget to live in the here and now.

I’m not saying it isn’t worth setting goals or working towards a vision of the future. The key is to remain aware of each moment as we move forward with our lives.

Taking time for pausing and self inquiry is a powerful practice. I call it finding your middle ground.

So set aside the books, videos, blogs and TED Talks for now, and slow down. Get to know your inner world, and learn to love your self.

Your relationship with yourself lasts a lifetime. Take the time to understand and appreciate your quirky, imperfect and wonderful self, and enjoy the journey together.


* Love After Love

These words fill me up with love and gratitude. It’s my pleasure to pass on the goodness from Derek Walcott 💛

coming home

Source: Pinterest

“The time will come

when, with elation,

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror,

and each will smile at the others welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.

bread and wine

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread, Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.”

~ Derek Walcott, “Love After Love” 1974


Feast on your life and what has brought you here.

Let this awareness open your heart in loving kindness and gratitude.

And find your Self waiting with open arms ❤️


* Haiku – make friends

befriend your self

Portrait Film Photography by Mellon Collie


Make friends with your Self

It is waiting for your love

Find Your Middle Ground



If you are new to this site … welcome!

To find our more about finding your middle ground click here.


* Don’t Turn Away

inner courage

“Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.” Rumi

When you are experiencing hurt, especially a wound of the heart

Look directly at this bandaged place

Find courage to face the storm rather than avoiding it or denying it

Be tender towards this raw vulnerability

When you bring compassion to your wounds, you allow them to heal

Be with it so it can transform you beyond fear and pain

Trust yourself to feel and live fully

Practice being present with whatever is alive in you, and you will find this light

* Let Yourself Be

In the highs and lows of life let yourself be.

breaking free

Let yourself be

Be what?

The being that you are

This being is found in this moment

It isn’t who you think you are. Your thinking is based on memories

Holding on to this picture of yourself is a prison

Let go of its hold over you

You are beyond anything you can think

So stop thinking

Let yourself be

Pause for a moment and take a full breath

Inhale this new moment to embrace

Exhale and let yourself be


* Inspiration – for Grandmothers

older woman looking in mirror

I just looked at myself in the mirror … and I thought “If I was a grandmother how good I would feel to my grandchild”.

My face has some characteristics of my Gran, and now as I head towards 60 my body has acquired some of the same softness in the body… and the eyes.

I recall how it felt to snuggle into her like a pillow … the warmth … the gentle rise and fall of her ample bosom….and the feeling of being absolutely safe and loved.

There was always a soothing smell that lingered here … perhaps from the lavender sachets in her underwear drawer or the Knights Castile soap or the Pan Drop mints she loved so much. You see, now she had dentures and didn’t have to worry about decay!

But she worried about her weight and was so hard on herself.

We all have the ability to give so much love to others … yet forget to give it to ourselves.

For the grandmothers out there who are post menopausal and are looking at the mirror,  struggling with your weight, getting frustrated and blaming yourself. Please, please let it all go. Its just a body image. It happens with age!

grandmother hug

You are so much more that the bunch of cells, minerals and bags of water you see in front of you, or the judgments and labels in your thinking!

Focus on being healthy and being there for those kids.

Give yourself a break and remember there are some little ones (and not so little ones) who love you just the way you are.

Your body, heart and soul will always be such a precious gift!


Val x

p.s. Yes, this message isn’t just for grandmothers 😉