* Needs and Kindness

“May we all recognize our own needs and have compassion for ourselves.

May we all see beyond our own needs and have compassion for the needs of others.”

These words came to me this morning.  As human beings we all need acceptance of who we are, to belong and feel loved, and to express ourselves in the world.

When these basic needs aren’t being met, we tend to become self protective, withdrawn and critical of others. It can show up as defensiveness, aggression and selfishness. We become judgers of a world that isn’t going our way.

We are so focused on ourselves that we forget that others also have needs and the same longings. In this place we are stuck in our own self centered world. We feel disconnected and separate from others.

When we pause, and bring our attention inwards, most of us will sense that something is off balance and we feel lousy. We may also recognize that we are not being kind to ourselves.

This is when we have a choice. To punish ourselves and judge ourselves for being like this. To continue to blame circumstances or other people for “making us feel this way” … or to accept that the feelings are ours, no one else’s.

It really is up to us to own our feelings. To acknowledge them and to see them for what they are. And then find compassion for the state we are in.

Behind every judgment are feelings and needs … and a longing for something that is missing.

As we resent or resist the feelings that come up, we lose connection with what is missing for us and our fundamental needs as human beings.

We lose connection with ourselves and others.

When we take time to pause and reflect on the needs that are not being met, and recognize our own longing for acceptance, connection and expression, a shift takes place inside us.

And we, and our world, become kinder once more.