Find Your Middle Ground

* Quick Relationship Tip

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doggie butt

Don’t put your “but” in the face of an angry person.

Angry people are in a triggered reactive state.

The ability to listen or think logically diminishes with the rise of  strong emotions.

The animal or limbic brain takes over control from the reasoning pre-frontal cortex.

Evidence also shows that when we grip our jaw, we are less able to listen through our ears.

Be careful of those buts.

Wait until the person has calmed down before trying to use reason.

 

 

36 responses to “* Quick Relationship Tip”

  1. Hariod Brawn Avatar
    Hariod Brawn

    Now that . . . is excellent advice. H ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thanks H ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Hariod Brawn Avatar
        Hariod Brawn

        Do you think it wise to adopt an attentive, almost agreeing-yet-silent attitude – e.g. nodding acknowledgment – or would you suggest something else, Val?

        Liked by 1 person

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        1. Val Boyko Avatar
          Val Boyko

          I think it depends on the circumstances H. I would tend to disengage somewhat and let the dust settle. I was thinking of a situation at work when an employee got really angry about some feedback from HR. The HR person tried to explain it wasn’t personal, but the employee couldn’t hear anything while feeling threatened.

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  2. vanbytheriver Avatar
    vanbytheriver

    Good advice, Val. 💘

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thanks Van. 💕
      Its a lesson I wished I had learned when I was a teenager.
      Of course… I probably wouldn’t have listened 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. vanbytheriver Avatar
        vanbytheriver

        No doubt. None of us did. ☺

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  3. AmyRose🌹 Avatar
    AmyRose🌹

    Oh and how true. There is no reasoning with an angry person. Great advice, Val!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Amy 💛

      Like

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  4. Paul Handover Avatar
    Paul Handover

    Wonderful, fabulous advice. Thinking very hard before acting, that really means speaking, is crucial. In turn, that means knowing ourselves sufficiently well to know our sensitivities, our ‘hot spots’. Our journey inwards never ceases!

    Well done, Val!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Its a life long journey of awareness and wonder Paul 💕
      Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  5. Louise Gallagher Avatar
    Louise Gallagher

    Love the photo, and the ‘get your butt out of it’ angle of this post Val.

    In my experience, having had to work with many angry people, it’s never about trying to get someone to hear ‘reason’. when angry, loving compassion works — but you need to be very practiced in its flow.

    Liked by 3 people

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Practicing loving compassion in the face of anger does take mindful awareness and presence. Lovely comment Louise!

      Like

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  6. Jill Weatherholt Avatar
    Jill Weatherholt

    Terrific advice, Val!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you for your kind words Jill 💛

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  7. den169 Avatar
    den169

    Can definitely relate!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      We all come from our own experience. Thank you Dennis 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  8. insearchofitall Avatar
    insearchofitall

    Love the puppy photo. I learned probably from birth never to engage with angry people. i can get very quiet. I don’t hang around with people that lose their tempers. You are so right on about this.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Glad you enjoyed the puppy butt and the message 💛

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  9. nrhatch Avatar
    nrhatch

    Once, when trapped on an elevator in the courthouse with a VERY ANGRY person who was spewing venom at a judge who had just ruled against him while his “sister” nodded along . . . I broke the tension by grinning and saying:

    “You said the F-word.”

    He stopped his tirade, turned to stare at me, and then burst out laughing! It was great. The ticking time bomb of ANGER was diffused with humor.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Ahh Yes… The H. word!!
      Love it ❤️

      Like

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  10. Healing Grief Avatar
    Healing Grief

    i think when an angry person feels listened to and validated, they tend to calm down. Great advice Val to keeps our butts and our “buts” out of the way of anger! 😬😬

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you for your wisdom Karen. Feeling that they are being heard is so important. And for us to remember that behind anger is usually fear and insecurity.
      💕

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Healing Grief Avatar
        Healing Grief

        Yes so true Val! ❤️ Everyone just wants to know they are loved even when they are angry, sad or happy!!

        Liked by 1 person

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  11. Eliza Waters Avatar
    Eliza Waters

    Makes sense – thanks for the tip! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Eliza 💛

      Like

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  12. Tiny Avatar
    Tiny

    Great advice, Val! But that butt in the picture is cute 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Sometimes we need to add some sugar for the medicine to down 😉

      Like

      Reply
  13. Sandy Sue Avatar
    Sandy Sue

    Yes, it’s better to roll over and show your belly.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      After sniffing the butt. 😎
      Thanks for the smile Sandy!

      Like

      Reply
  14. Ann Coleman Avatar
    Ann Coleman

    Very sensible advice!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thanks Ann!

      Like

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  15. Carol Ferenc Avatar
    Carol Ferenc

    Great advice, Val. Thanks for the tip!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Thank you Carol ❣

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  16. roughwighting Avatar
    roughwighting

    wise, wise, wise advice!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Val Boyko Avatar
      Val Boyko

      Glad you appreciated it Pam 💛

      Like

      Reply

I’d love to hear from you …

● About Me

My name is Val Boyko, a dual citizen living near Philadelphia, originally from Scotland.

This blog came to life one morning in 2013.  I woke up with these words in my mind:  “Life is a series of highs and lows. Be grateful for the highs. Be graceful in the lows. And find contentment in your Middle Ground.”

Find Your Middle Ground blog started to explore, reflect, ask deep questions, share insights about awakening, and connect with wonderful people like yourself. Thank you for being here and being such an inspiration.

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