The 4 A’s for Fulfillment

I hope you enjoy this inspiring re-post today.


Photo by Philip Justin Mamelic on

The 4 A’s for fulfillment are some basic needs that we all have as human beings. I like to think of them as essential elements for the wellspring of life.

They are:

~ Attention ~

~ Appreciation ~

~ Affection ~

~ Acceptance ~

Take a moment to reflect on how you feel when someone offers you these things:

When someone pays attention to you, listens and is truly present with you…

When you feel appreciated for who you are, and someone thanks you…

When you are given affection and feel loved…

When you are accepted for just the way you are, despite not being perfect…

I know of a parent who intentionally punished their child by withdrawing her attention and ignoring her. She stone walled and turned her back in order to show her displeasure if the child didn’t do as she was told.
Can you imagine how this child felt, being rejected like this? Its no surprise that as an adult, her life became totally absorbed with filling the void within her. She craved attention and desperately needed to be appreciated. She was hungry for signs of affection, and yearned to be accepted by others.

Knowing the 4 A’s for fulfillment can help us understand our own motivations and support our healing from times in the past when these essential needs were not met. When we were small, we didn’t have the ability or insight to know what was happening, but we deeply felt the consequences.
Now it can be a gift to ourselves, to become more kind and compassionate to the small wounded child within us.

It can also be a powerful gift for us to give to others. It builds relationships and connection. It makes people feel good about themselves.

Notice if you find this difficult, neutral or easy.
If it’s difficult for you to give to others, then it might reflect your own need to give more to yourself. Fill your own wellspring so you can share with others.

Find Your Sparkle


inner child

My heart was aching

For something lost

that never came into being.

I cried and cried

and felt better

But I forgot about my inner child.

She was afraid and sad

Keeping quiet.

She’s good at that.

And so I reached out to her

And asked her “How can I help”

She replied

“Just hug me …

Then let’s go play.”

And so we did

I found my inner sparkle

Thank you sweet girl.


For those of you who want to really embrace your inner child along with me, check out these Ted Talks for your inner child



* Its Never too Late for Self Acceptance

Young Val and twin bro
I came across this old photograph (of me and my twin brother) and not longer after, found an exercise on self acceptance.

Turns out they both went well together. To find out why, please read the exercise below…. and take some time in doing it for yourself.

Step One
Imagine someone you love and admire sitting opposite you. He or she is smiling at you. How do you feel about them? If this person was to make a mistake, could you and would you forgive them?

Step Two
Using your imagination, put yourself in the chair opposite you. Imagine you are sitting there smiling back at yourself. How do you feel about her or him? Do you feel the same way about her or him as you did towards the first person, the one you love and admire, or is the feeling different? If this person made a mistake could you, or would you forgive her? Are you more forgiving of the other person?

This exercise often highlights a discrepancy between how we love and accept others, compared to ourselves.

Step Three
Find a photograph of yourself as a child, and place it where you see it everyday. Let this remind you to be loving and accepting of yourself.
This child is precious, as are you.


p.s. When I did this exercise myself, even after all the inner work I have done, there was a difference in how I perceived myself making a mistake compared to my response towards someone I love. With the person I loved, there was an surge of love and empathy and urge to understand. With myself, there was an initial  slight withdrawal and contraction in the body and some judgment before I was able to feel empathy and compassion.

Notice what you notice without any more self judgment.

Its so helpful to keep coming back to where we are on our journey…. and to remind us of our infinite capacity to grow our love. ❤️