Lighten Up – gorilla moment

Thought you might enjoy a laugh this morning with this oldie but goodie.

ooOoo

Female gorilla looking for mate

Photo credit: Dominic Lipinski/PA Wire

A zoo acquires, at great expense, a very large female gorilla of a particularly rare species. Right from the outset she is very bad tempered and difficult to handle. The zoo’s vet, after examination, boldly announces that her problem is that she’s in heat. If she was to be mated she would become docile and adjust to her new surroundings.

But what to do? There are no males of her species available and the other male gorillas are terrified of her. Whereupon, the zoo administrators remember that one of their zookeepers, a Scotsman called MacTavish, who is responsible for cleaning animals’ cages, is a large man and notorious for his abilities with the opposite sex. Perhaps they could persuade him to placate the gorilla.

So they approach MacTavish with a proposition. Would he be willing to do nature’s best with the gorilla for 1000 dollars? MacTavish asks for the night to think things over and on the following day, says that he’ll accept the offer on three conditions:

“Firstly, there’s to be no kissing. Secondly, I want any offspring to be raised Catholic.” The zoo administrators quickly agree to these conditions. “But what about the third?” they ask.

“Well,” says MacTavish, “you’ve got to give me some time to come up with the 1,000 dollars…”

Apologies to fellow Scots 😉

man in gorilla suit

The Meaning of Naff

gaff

People often ask me what “naff” means. This is because I have a license plate with NAFF on it. Its a tongue in cheek joke, because personalized number plates are a bit naff in the UK.

I have found it difficult to answer the question … until I came across this in the Guardian. I never knew what a colorful history the word had. Enjoy the descriptions and the trans-Atlantic dialogue!

“What does “naff” mean? The word doesn’t exist in US slang and defies the best efforts of my British friends to define it. They tell me that naff-ness is close in meaning to “kitsch” and “camp” and “naive bad taste” but that none of these definitions is spot on. Can the Guardian readers do a better job of defining it?

Peter Post, Boston USA
  • I heard that it originated in the TV sitcom Porridge as a non-expletive representation of prison language which permitted the series to be shown at peak viewing times. Since the 70’s, the word has been recycled and used for other purposes in the finest tradition of the linguistic corruption that haunts the English language, and probably others too.
    Andy Millward, Broxbourne, UK
  • ‘Naff’ originated in the gay slang ‘Polari’ (as made popular by ‘Julian and Sandy’ in the 60’s BBC radio programme ‘Round the Horne’). It originally meant ‘not available for fucking’, ie ‘straight’ – and therefore boring.
    Thompson, Allerod, Denmark
  • I have heard it is old gay slang (called Polari?) and is an acronym for Not Available For F*cking, ie something unpleasant to be avoided. I believe Princess Anne brought it into common usage in the early seventies by telling some photographers to ‘naff off’ (or ‘naff orf’.)
    Hugh, London, UK
  • It means “wack”.
    Peadar Mac Con Aonaigh, London, UK
  • Naff is polari (or palare), the gay urban secret language developed in London to ensure conversational privacy in public when talking about gay sex or insulting straight people. Polari was widespread in London, and particularly in the theatre, from the 1940s-1960s, suffered a decline in the 1970s and 1980s, and has had a revival since the 1990s. It consists of snippets of Italian, Latin, Spanish, Yiddish, Cockney Rhyming Slang, Black-slang and acronyms. Naff is an example of the latter – Normal As Fuck – and means drab, unfashionable, dull. By extension, it is a defining characteristic of straight people, who lack the style and swagger of the urban homosexual.
    Gerard Forde, London, UK
  • I would suggest that “naff” in the UK would equate with “lame” or similar in the US. It would be like, “look at those brown, flare, corduroy, sweatpants that guy is wearing!” “Yeah, they’re completely naff!”
    Sibhan, London UK
  • It means ‘unimpressive’.
    Joe Myall, Kurume, Japan
  • Completely lacking in all aesthetic style or grace. Shell suits, for example.
    Marula, London, UK
  • What’s a shell suit?
    Peter Post, Boston, USA
  • Oh dear, what’s a shell suit? ‘Track pants’ and ‘sweat top’ made of rustly nylon that’d make your teeth itch, in horrid (horrid horrid) colours, either neons or pastels (the more colours, the naffer). For ultimate naffness your shell suit will match that worn by your partner.
    Marula, London UK
  • Naff simply means extremely tacky and distasteful.
    J Bean, London
  • So far, the chequered career of ‘naff’ as a naughty word has been overlooked. It originated as a euphemism for the female genitals (from Ang-Saxon, nafala which meant, and became, navel) and in the 19th century, it was a fairly common slang term. This might explain its use in ‘naff off’ which is much less strong now than previously and perhaps it’s use in gay slang for a straight man. Compare the career of ‘pussy’ which began as a perfectly medical Norse word for the vagina, and which, due to its unfortunate double meaning has become increasingly taboo since the 1600s.
    Roddy Lumsden, London UK
  • Remember naff naff clothing. In the mid 80s you could buy stuff from markets across the uk. Coincidently they were cheap and poor quality. Maybe their downfall was due to this or perhaps the unfortunate name??
    Allan, Glasgow Scotland
  • Sorry Allan, but “Naff Naff” clothind, a french label, was actually spelt Naf Naf, and although the clothing may well have been of poor quality, it was certainly not cheap; the more fashionably rich girls in our school waering the genuine article bought form boutiques, the rest of us making do with cheap rip-offs from the market.
    Claire, Sheffield UK
  • At the risk of cross-posting, I always thought Naf-Naf clothing was an excellent example of a British lack of ironic sense. (And before anyone posts to the contrary, you could just *tell* it was a *lack* of irony).
    Phil, London
  • Shell-suits ARE naff, then. We call the velour version the “Atlantic City tuxedo.” Naff might be what southerners in the US call (capital T) Tacky.
    Vanessa Sudnik, Tampa US
  • No,I think ‘NAF’ is a such of lachrymose things. I guess. I’d found in The Online Slang’s Dictionary, Naf is means,someone who is silly, stupid,etc… But..in Islam, Naf is mean Baby girl’s name. Naf is Arabic name.
    Nayeeng Dying, Naf,Idaho United States
  • It’s from NAAFI. Tacky goods sold there.
    Aaron, Boise, USA
  • It depends – If something is naff then it means that it is a bit rubbish. However Naff off is a polite way off telling someone to go away.
    Pauline Wood, Sheffield England”

 

Next time someone asks me I will respond with “tacky with a capital T”… and I promise not to mention their shell suit. 😉

* One with Everything

pizza with everything

The Yogi and the Pizza

The Yogi walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor and said: “Make me one with everything.”

When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill.

The proprietor pocketed the bill.

The Yogi said “Don’t I get any change?”

The proprietor said, “Change must come from within.”

😊

* Lighten Up – death and whisky

whisky and gravestone

The elderly Scottish Laird lay near death and called his faithful manservant to his bedside to hear his final request.

“Hamish,” he said, “When I’m gone I want you to take that bottle of single malt Scottish whisky that’s been in the family for thirty years and pour it over my grave.”

“Certainly Sir,” replied the servant in his thick brogue, “But do ye mind if I filter it through me kidneys first?”

… Now that’s a canny man!

This is for all the humorous folk in Scotland who always have time for some banter ☺️

* Be Foolish

I used to have mixed feelings about being serious. A part of me thought I should be more like the earnest people around me. That I should try harder… should apply myself… should focus more… should set serious goals…

I was “shoulding” all over myself.

… And in doing so I was not accepting the ways things are and the way I am.

serious ducks

“Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be.” Eckhart Tolle

I can be serious, but for the most part I want to see things from many different perspectives, and especially from the funny side of life.

After years of experience, I now realize …

The more foolish we allow ourselves to look, the more enlightened we can become.

We let go of caring about how others think of us. We let go of the constraints of our ego. We become more authentic and real.

It isn’t easy at first to be that vulnerable and silly!

However, one way of approaching this, is to make it a part of your practice. Choose your own daily commitment/s from the list below and feel free to add a few more that tickle your fancy!

* Today I will laugh a lot.

* Today I will look for the humor/humour in things.

* Today I will goof around.

* Today I will not take life so seriously.

* Today I will have fun letting go.

* Today I will play with the dogs/cats/kids like a dog/cat/kid.

What will you bring to your daily practice of foolishness on the road to enlightenment?