Tag Archives for humor pause

When the Heat is On

We are experiencing a heatwave here in eastern Pennsylvania, with temperatures  hitting 100 degrees F (36 Celsius), and humidity sapping the energy out of every living thing.

This weather makes me sweaty and irritable. My tolerance level is very low and I get easily agitated by other grumpy folks!

I have spent lots of time indoors, grateful for the cool air conditioned breeze and cold drinks.

Yesterday I had an ice cream and it made me feel better for a short time…. until the lactose intolerance kicked in.

Today, I have found a different approach…. Humor/humour and a big dose of cold water.

It’s time to lighten up and not take things so seriously. Be careful out there as you cool off!

Lighten Up – gorilla moment

Thought you might enjoy a laugh this morning with this oldie but goodie.

ooOoo

Female gorilla looking for mate

Photo credit: Dominic Lipinski/PA Wire

A zoo acquires, at great expense, a very large female gorilla of a particularly rare species. Right from the outset she is very bad tempered and difficult to handle. The zoo’s vet, after examination, boldly announces that her problem is that she’s in heat. If she was to be mated she would become docile and adjust to her new surroundings.

But what to do? There are no males of her species available and the other male gorillas are terrified of her. Whereupon, the zoo administrators remember that one of their zookeepers, a Scotsman called MacTavish, who is responsible for cleaning animals’ cages, is a large man and notorious for his abilities with the opposite sex. Perhaps they could persuade him to placate the gorilla.

So they approach MacTavish with a proposition. Would he be willing to do nature’s best with the gorilla for 1000 dollars? MacTavish asks for the night to think things over and on the following day, says that he’ll accept the offer on three conditions:

“Firstly, there’s to be no kissing. Secondly, I want any offspring to be raised Catholic.” The zoo administrators quickly agree to these conditions. “But what about the third?” they ask.

“Well,” says MacTavish, “you’ve got to give me some time to come up with the 1,000 dollars…”

Apologies to fellow Scots 😉

man in gorilla suit

Tao of the Jewish Buddha

Enjoy this lighthearted post taken from Sayings of the Jewish Buddha. 💛 Thanks to Chris at Creative by Nature.

Creative by Nature

“Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment 
will be the least of your problems.”
 

Screen Shot 2017-03-12 at 9.16.47 AM

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
And sit up straight.
You’ll never meet the Buddha
with posture like that.
 
There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life, you never called,
you never wrote, you never visited.
And whose fault was that?
 
Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.
 
To practice Zen and the art
of Jewish motorcycle maintenance,
Do the following: get rid of the motorcycle.
What were you thinking?
 
Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation
is a symptom of a terminal illness.
 
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
 
Breathe in. Breathe out.

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* Is This a Sign of Old Age?

I was taking the usual drive to my Friday yoga class in Media PA this morning, when I encountered something interesting coming towards me on the road.

It was a magnificent specimen, but it definitely wasn’t a sad encounter this time.

It looked something like this:

man running

 

I said out loud “Thank you God!” and chuckled all the way to the studio.

Is mindful lusting a sign of old age?…

 

p.s. For all you watchers out there – travel south on Route 252 around 9.00am between West Chester Pike and Gradyville Road.

* Lighten Up – death and whisky

whisky and gravestone

The elderly Scottish Laird lay near death and called his faithful manservant to his bedside to hear his final request.

“Hamish,” he said, “When I’m gone I want you to take that bottle of single malt Scottish whisky that’s been in the family for thirty years and pour it over my grave.”

“Certainly Sir,” replied the servant in his thick brogue, “But do ye mind if I filter it through me kidneys first?”

… Now that’s a canny man!

This is for all the humorous folk in Scotland who always have time for some banter ☺️