Acceptance of the Unacceptable

“Acceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace in this world.”

Eckhart Tolle

Isn’t it funny how certain quotes and wisdom show up just when we need them the most? I recall, some time ago when I had a hard time accepting how things were. I had unexpected news that meant my vision for the future was no longer possible. What I thought was “for sure” became “no way”.

There was shock and uncertainty;  concerns about others; a sense of loss and sadness; a letting go of a future dream; and lots of turbulent emotions.  So much was out of my control and I really struggled because I couldn’t accept it. There was no grace here folks!

woman-holding-white-balloon-3064615

So, what is grace … and how do we find it when life throws us unexpected challenges or dashes our dreams? When we find ourselves in life’s lows?

I appreciate these words of wisdom from Adyshanti’s “Falling into Grace”.

“Grace is something that comes to us when we somehow find ourselves completely available, when we become open hearted and open minded, and are willing to entertain the possibility that we may not know what we think we know.

In this gap of not knowing, in the suspension of any conclusion, a whole other element of life and reality can rush in. This is what I call grace. It’s that moment of “ah-ha” – a moment of recognition when we realize something that previously we never could quite imagine.

… Somehow the  difficult situations in our lives have a way of opening our hearts and minds the most. Its the challenging moments that often offer the greatest opportunities for growth and the transformation of consciousness.”

Finding grace and opening up to accept what is, comes when we fully embrace everything that is alive in us in that moment. 

Some people choose to divert their mind into positive thinking to counteract the negative feelings. I’m not a believer of this, as all feelings and emotions are a part of who we are as human beings. I spent a big part of my life looking for the positive and denying the negative … while the deepest part of me was aching. Embracing all part of ourselves is the key to our personal growth and evolution as spiritual beings.

Here are guidelines I discovered from a variety of spiritual teachers and psychotherapists:

✳ Name what is happening. Be as factual as you can.

✳ What stories are you telling myself about this unacceptable moment?

✳ What are you feeling in your body. What emotions are coming up? Embrace your whole body experience.

✳ Make space for whatever comes up.

✳ Notice how the mind jumps in with judgments and negative thoughts. Make space for these too.

✳ Embrace everything that is alive in you. Let yourself feel.

✳ Notice if there is a part of you that wants the pain to go away – to fix it rather than accepting it.

✳ Embrace it all and let it in. This is a part of you.

✳ Let yourself become a vulnerable feeling being.

✳ Be open and fully alive to the experience.

✳ Breathe into it and allow the life energy to flow through you.

✳ And in this place of spaciousness and letting go, notice how grace appears.

Compassionate acceptance of the unknown opens our hearts and lets grace in.

27 thoughts on “Acceptance of the Unacceptable

  1. Wonderful stuff, Val, especially around the whole issue of “focussing on the positive and not on the negative.” On this I wholeheartedly agree with you.

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  2. I’m a great believer on what is, but understand how difficult it is to accept that what is, is all that you have in this very moment and it will continue as is (and not change into something different), because I also believe all things are impermanent.
    It’s quite a challenge when you have these opposites in your world.

    Being a chronic pain and illness sufferer, I don’t believe in being positive all the time. This to me is rejecting reality.

    Grace is living ‘with’ all things that make up reality – good, bad, pain, numbness, simplicity, complexity, yin, yang, anger, happiness. Grace is not any one thing. It is everything (in balance) to me.

    It’s like the 5 elements of Asian cooking. All must be in balance to create a whole.

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      • Thank you Val and I do my best to give Odin a great last time. We visited the vet yesterday and she told me, it is still too early to say goodbye, so we have more time for enjoying each other yet. She knows and accept, that I don’t wish my animals to suffer in any way. Yes, it is hard, but also rewarding in some way ❤
        I do try to keep my heart open, which can be such a challenge, as I feel more vulnerable with so much going on.

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  3. I was asked to write a letter of apology to my late mum who died of suicide in 1977, when only 45 while I was 18 and my brother 15. although 43 years have passed I still blame myself since I was rather rough with her and in anger I even broke some furniture and started to frequent a sect while my parents were both strong Catholics.
    Now I am 61 years old, a pensioner with very few friends and recently I almost lost my wife due to pneumonia.

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    • Be compassionate with your self Eugene. Anger is an expression of frustration and deep feelings. Those feelings are still there and perhaps yearn to be embraced and forgiven. Love who you have dear to you. Love yourself and that confused young angry man. There is always space for love let it heal you and the beliefs about the past. 💕

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  4. Hi Val, I am so sorry that a dream has been sidetracked. That kind of shock…when you have big plans and it is something that you have looked forward to…is so hard to get over. I also heard how you said it is important to FEEL whatever it is you feel and I believe in that wholeheartedly! If we try to push it down and not deal with it…it will come back and bite us…always has…always will!
    So I offer this…not to make you not feel what you feel…but maybe to help you in your disappointment. I truly believe when something like this happens, it is because it just was not meant to be…and maybe…just maybe you will see that what comes in its place is more suited to you.
    I feel your pain and I send you love ❤

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    • Thank you so much Lorrie. 💛🙏💛 This was a realization from many years ago, that I thought would be helpful for others to read right now. As it turned out, my life took a different direction and unfolded into a new way. I am so grateful for the lesson. Thank you 🎈

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  5. It does take both sides to be able to ‘see’ and truly understand something for ourselves. And I think you are right, that moment when that realisation occurs we ‘open’ and become that Grace, no longer reacting or fighting ourselves because of the ‘unbalance’ we were in.
    Great post Val, thank you for sharing your balance 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺

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  6. I find it intriguing that once I stop pushing some feeling away and look at it with questions and acceptance, how things shift to become easier to bear.
    Lately, I’ve circled back again to reading Eckhard – his wisdom never gets old and clears so much within.

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  7. I need to read Tolle’s book, The Power of Now, again, perhaps more consciously. To be honest, the first time I read it, I had no idea what he was talking about. Also, how do your suggestions fit in with meditation? (which I do not practice but would like to) It seems meditation is about letting go of all our thoughts and having an empty mind… Thanks for any insights you could provide!

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  8. Great blog post! I love wisdom teachings especially Eckhart Tolle’s books. If you can accept the present moment just the way it is, then there is no stopping God’s grace. This makes the impossible possible.

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  9. What a lovely reminder to embrace ALL of it! And not try to “positive think” our way out of the uncomfortable, but rather to sit with it. Breathe into it. And learn and grow from it.

    It’s taken me many years to learn this same lesson. I’m grateful that I have because I’m much kinder to myself now.

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