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* Facing the unknown

by Val Boyko
Comments 53

The unknown can be a scary place to face.

facing the unknown

Our mind creates scenarios and one thought feeds an other… into distortion and fortune telling of disaster. We feel anxious, out of control and extremely vulnerable.

Yet, when we begin to experience the unknown, we start to believe we understand and feel more in control. “Yep – I can handle this after all. I can even be proud of myself for overcoming my fear.” It is a reassuring place to be…. until the next round.

So what can we do to ensure that we don’t keep going through the same anxiety and fear?

What works for me is to take myself into a quiet place and roll out my yoga mat.  I meditate and then allow my body to move through the emotions. My mat is like a magic carpet that takes me to a safe and loving place inside of me.
I believe that all emotions are energy, and when we are able to use our breathe and move our bodies in yoga, we allow the energy to move through us and release what is ready to be let go of.  It is a wonderful thing to be able to be present with everything that is going on and surrender to it in our body and mind using the breath.

Yet I also know that I am a fairly independent, grounded and spiritual person. I am a yogini. What helps me, may not work for others who have different perspectives and beliefs.

Today, I once again let go of wanting someone to be more like me. There is no right here, only finding a way to come together and help relieve suffering.

Others may find that distraction works well to keep the mind otherwise occupied. Action packed movies, car programs on cable TV and reruns of baseball games work well for someone I know. When the mind is distracted in this way, the body can relax and lets fear subside.
Compassion and reassurance from an other also brings comfort.

Mute Swan
Source: http://www.edwardjohnesphotography.com

Ultimately, when we are in pain and struggling, it means so much to know we are cared about: a gentle touch from a loved one; a reassuring word from a friendly doctor;  a gesture of understanding from someone who has been through the same experience; a nurse with a sense of humor and warm knowing eyes; a friend who watches a movie with you.

Whether we find that feeling of love within ourselves or through connection to others, love really is the answer.

There is no right way to face the unknown and what lies ahead.
Finding the way to our own middle ground, where peace and love reside, can take many forms.

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About Val Boyko

Val Boyko is originally from Scotland and came to the United States over 25 years ago. At "Find Your Middle Ground" Val brings together her experience as a life coach, yoga teacher and mentor, to inspire awakening to the light and inspiration within us all. This blog is a place of exploration and discovery as we all explore finding harmony and peace, in the highs and lows of life 💛

www.findyourmiddleground.com

53 comments on “* Facing the unknown”

  1. Carrie
    February 13, 2016

    Beautiful post, dear Val..And timely. The unknown can be a beacon calling us to a great adventure or it can be a scary place; especially for those of us who are accustomed to making plans, and making them happen – which I now see as pushing the river. The unknown can be both. I feel as if I am steadying my wings in the present known, so I can fly, effortlessly into the unknown. Thank you for these words. 💕

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  2. den169
    February 13, 2016

    This an incredibly timely message that I shared with a family member who needed to hear it today.

    Liked by 2 people

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  3. Cally
    February 13, 2016

    Do your best to know you can face anything. Keeping on doing whatever you enjoy. Such a terrific post.

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  4. Jill Weatherholt
    February 13, 2016

    Yes, love is indeed the answer. Beautiful thoughts, Val.

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Healing Grief
    February 13, 2016

    “It is a wonderful thing to be able to be present with everything that is going on and surrender to it in our body and mind using the breath” So true Val and when I am in this place, I find what I need within, and this guides me to healing and peace.

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  6. Eliza Waters
    February 13, 2016

    Beautifully worded, Val. ‘All you need is love, Love.’ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. Ann Koplow
    February 13, 2016

    I know I’m always going to find help here, Val, even if the specifics are unknown before I visit.

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. Hariod Brawn
    February 13, 2016

    A very minor contribution to your wonderfully sagacious article Val, if you will permit it: resist the impulsion to speculate. And if the word ‘resist’ itself brings resistance to the idea, then simply passively withdraw all mental energy from the same impulsion. H ❤

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  9. nrhatch
    February 13, 2016

    Finding the path to peace ~> bliss! Thanks, Val.

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. Sunny Ⓥ (@Sonnische)
    February 13, 2016

    Yes, this resonates! Whether it is our own advancing age with all that this entails, or heartaches over our children, no matter how old they are, or the future of the planet and how it may affect our grandchildren and beyond, uncertainty faces us always. Wise and deep post today!

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  11. Dalo 2013
    February 13, 2016

    A wonderfully written and thoughtful post ~ and your description of yoga being such a valuable tool/friend to gain introspection with life inspires. You describe something that I often feel “We feel anxious, out of control and extremely vulnerable.” and there was a quote I read recently from a blog by Maverick, that goes something like this: if you are depressed you are living for the past, if you are anxious you are living for the future, to find peace live for today. Wish you a great weekend Val and thank you.

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    • Val Boyko
      February 13, 2016

      Thank you Randall for adding to the conversation. I rarely share all that my practice of yoga brings me. Yet it keeps me in the present moment and allows me to be with whatever is coming up in the highs and lows of life.
      I enjoy Maverick and remember these words. Being in each moment at it arises in a powerful way of living.
      We are all students here Randall. 💛

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  12. Walking My Path: Mindful Wanderings in Nature
    February 13, 2016

    This may just be may favorite post of yours so far. I love it. I usually dance stuff out and find peace in Nature. I love the idea of moving as your body feels it needs to release whatever – large or small. A lot of my intuition comes from by body, so I let it move to show me stuff. Still a lot of resistance remaining within my physical. As soon as I get what it is trying to tell me, I will let it go. Just trying to give it everything it needs to be free to tell me. Sometimes I want it to just tell me for goodness sake so we can let go of whatever it is and get on with it! Usually I’m pretty patient though. I too am very independent, grounded and spiritual. Life in the body is a very interesting place to be sometimes! Thank you for this beautiful post and once again….I wish you were my yoga teacher!!
    Happy Val-entine’s Day!
    ❤
    Mary

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    • Val Boyko
      February 13, 2016

      Wow – thank you Mary for sharing your story and for your kind words. You are such a wonderful heart centered woman!
      I am putting the final touches on a workshop I am giving tomorrow “Living in a Heart Centered Way”. I truly love being able to guide people into their bodies and helping them release thoughts while connecting to the innate wisdom of the body.
      Mindful wanderings in our mind. body and spirit. Our own nature. ❤️

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  13. smilecalm
    February 13, 2016

    makes me feel better
    not knowing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  14. Paul Handover
    February 14, 2016

    There’s one unknown category that requires very special handling. I have in mind the known unknowns. Such as ageing in the autumn of one’s life, or dementia or such other ailments for which there is no cure.

    Embracing the unknown that is associated with the end of life, the inevitable arrival of death, is possibly the most delicate middle ground of all. I don’t mean to come across as a morbid commentator just aware that keeping our fear of death at bay is key when in our senior years.

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    • Val Boyko
      February 14, 2016

      Thank you Paul for sharing here. That is exactly what I have been facing as Don has been going through radiation and chemotherapy. (I haven’t posted about it as he is very private and my posts go to Facebook) Facing the end of life, whenever that might be, isn’t morbid, its a tough emotional reality.
      Hugs to you. We are doing fine. The prognosis is good. 💛

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Paul Handover
        February 14, 2016

        Oh, I do hope I didn’t raise painful thoughts. It is in the front of our minds back here because both Jean and I have been diagnosed with age-related ‘challenges’. Please let Don know we are thinking of him. To which I would add something I read recently that has inspired Jean and me, “It’s not how old you are but how fit you are.” Healthy exercise is the elixir of life in our final years.

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  15. Zorba da Buddha
    February 14, 2016

    “Yet I also know that I am a fairly independent, grounded and spiritual person. I am a yogini. What helps me, may not work for others who have different perspectives and beliefs.”

    I like this very much, your awareness of that you are you and the other is the other. The core of your message is a universal truth but how other people perceive it and their path could be completely different. I like to do Yoga but for my challenges I turn to meditation to find my middle ground. It’s all about becoming aware of oneself, one’s emotions, one’s thoughts and let them be and look with a loving heart. The last part seems hard but it means just don’t judge yourself and accept yourself, no matter what.

    Thanks Val for bringing light into this world!

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  17. Kate Crimmins
    February 14, 2016

    I had a friend who when she hit 65 became obsessed with dying alone. She has children and grandchildren who live 2 hours away. She was inconsolable. Her daughter assured her she wouldn’t allow that to happen. The fear was unfounded but ran deep. Eventually she come out of it. I often wondered what she did to overcome it. I just listened. I never said anything because I believe we are born and die alone even in the presence of people. There is something solidary and spiritual about both journeys.

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    • Val Boyko
      February 14, 2016

      How sad that she was burdened with this fear for so long. I like to believe that when there is love around it makes both passages a bit easier.

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      • Kate Crimmins
        February 14, 2016

        I remember when my father-in-law died. He had been hospitalized for 10 days with family around the clock. He had a crisis and the nurse suggested that we all say goodbye and go for coffee. She said that it’s easier for them to pass without someone holding them back. I don’t know if it’s true or not but we hadn’t made it to the snack area which was around the corner when they came running to say he was gone. I think feeling loved is the best way to come and go. I wish every living creature could feel that.

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  18. Carol Ferenc
    February 14, 2016

    Facing the unknown ~ like starting a blog. Scary for me. I do believe love is the key to overcome fear. A lovely post, Val.

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. socialbridge
    February 14, 2016

    Hi Val, so many unknowns as they are part of being human.
    I agree that no two people face them in the same way and even the same person may use different strategies, depending on the context.
    But lve underpins all hope and best of all love shared in some way. Blogging has a role in all this, I feel.

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  20. Carol Balawyder
    February 14, 2016

    A perfect post for Valentine’s Day. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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  21. IreneDesign2011
    February 15, 2016

    Beautiful post Val and so great, that you see yourself as you and not for comparing with any other. We are born unique and we learn how to face life and troubles by experiences. As you use yoga, which I also like very much, I use to use meditation, when I have something as I need to work through.

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  22. Kate @ Did That Just Happen?
    February 16, 2016

    I struggle greatly with the unknown, I’m getting better, but it is very scary for me. I’m much more of a “fake it until you make it” when it comes to powering through! And yes, love distracting my mind with other things just as much as those moments when I can take them out and safely deal with them on my yoga mat! 🙂 Great post!

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  23. Minuscule Moments
    February 29, 2016

    Beautiful words Val and I will try meditating when things get a little out there. For many years I have suffered a mild form of anxiety and I agree with Randall’s quote because I have always thought way too far ahead. Doing yoga and meditating every day is helping me to live for now. I crave it now and feel off balance if I miss a day here and there.

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