A zoo acquires, at great expense, a very large female gorilla of a particularly rare species. Right from the outset she is very bad tempered and difficult to handle. The zoo’s vet, after examination, boldly announces that her problem is that she’s in heat. If she was to be mated she would become docile and adjust to her new surroundings.
But what to do? There are no males of her species available and the other male gorillas are terrified of her. Whereupon, the zoo administrators remember that one of their zookeepers, a Scotsman called MacTavish, who is responsible for cleaning animals’ cages, is a large man and notorious for his abilities with the opposite sex. Perhaps they could persuade him to placate the gorilla.
So they approach MacTavish with a proposition. Would he be willing to do nature’s best with the gorilla for 1000 dollars? MacTavish asks for the night to think things over and on the following day, says that he’ll accept the offer on three conditions:
“Firstly, there’s to be no kissing. Secondly, I want any offspring to be raised Catholic.” The zoo administrators quickly agree to these conditions. “But what about the third?” they ask.
“Well,” says MacTavish, “you’ve got to give me some time to come up with the 1,000 dollars…”
Apologies to fellow Scots 😉